Yes I do. The Dad is an alcoholic and moved out a year ago. They were always yelling at each other and you could here them all over the street. I wouldn't allow my daughter to go to her house. The first time I went over to get my daughter after a visit I knocked on the door and all their dogs started barking. I heard the Dad in front of kids yell "get the F***N door" to the Mom or one of the kids. From that moment on I told my daughter that her friend needs to come to our house. The Dad was scary, not unlike my ex but more of a red neck. My ex was probably just as bad but he only showed this side of himself in front of me and the kids. Other people were shocked when I told them after I left that he had a really bad temper. They thought he was such a nice guy, go figure. He hid his angry side in public.

The Mom does daycare but I am not sure why people bring there kids over. She is basically a nice person herself but looks scary. long black hair, drinks beer on the front porch with her live in boyfriend. He moved in one day after her husband left. I don't like to judge people if I don't know them and I don't know him. But, he smokes as does she, as does my daughter's friend. He has long straggling hair and looks likes a street person. They are always outside on the front porch playing loud rock music and drinking beer.

Her Mom allowed her daughter to move to my ex's that is about
all I know. I guess she couldn't stop her. She hates the new boyfriend and probably all the chaos. But, there is lots of chaos at my ex's house, yelling etc. I guess they have that in common.

Kate

I just re-read my post and I don't like to judge people period but sometimes it takes real work not to :-)

Kate

The peacefull quiet shore will always win. Being just there for your daughter, in the background, and rebuilding your own life is the best thing you can do.

Maybe now you can take that real-estate course you once mentioned? Whatever, try to distract yourself constructively from your daughter. She will notice that too, and respect you for that.

It's hard Kate, I know. But I also know you will win your daughter in the end.

Kate, patience my dear. Just wait it out and enjoy your son while he's there with you alone. And don't feel guilty for enjoying his company and having fun.

Maybe this girlfriend will find a boyfriend, and then she'll leave your daughter alone. Sounds ridiculous, but these relationships are what it's all about when the kids are young.

Thanks Edelweiss and Dotsie, I am taking a course at the moment, going to hot yoga, working lots and keeping busy. Her Dad was terrible to me to and also to my eldest son but that was years ago. His home life is very chaotic because that is the way he is, but I think he has mellowed somewhat over the years.

He is very selfish for sure and has never wanted to pay me a cent, but. I believe he is nice to my daughter at least. If he wasn't she would be home in a flash.

I don't want to put pressure on her so am doing what you suggest, staying in the back ground and enjoying more time with my son.

Yes hopefully the other girl moves on or moves home but with friends you have to be careful and wait it out. I know from experience if your kids don't think you like a certain friend, they will hang out with them even more.

Kate

Kate, I saw your answer more as just the facts, not in anyway judgemantal. Hey, to be honest we have to call them like we see them, right?

I got a call from my daughters school today. Since being at her Dad's (three weeks) she has been late 10 times and missed 26 classes (subjects)

While that is terrible news for me to hear, it's interesting as she said she moved to her Dad's so she would be closer to school and not be late (he lives one street away)

Her Dad told me a while back that I should make her go to school and that if she were living with him he would just make her go.

He doesn't seem to be doing a very good job now is he.

Maybe this is a good thing. He now knows that it is not so easy to "just make" your kids go to school.

And of course I called him and told him about her lates and absences.

Kate

They say "paybacks are a b-witch." Their right!!!

I'm so sorry to hear this. What do you think she's doing with all her time when she isn't in shcool. I'd love to know if her freind has also missed.

I'll keep praying for her to come to her senses. Keep showing her love. That's all you can do from a distance.

Just wondering what you think.
Well I heard through the student grapevine that my daughter has told people that she wants to move back. Then today, she calls and says her Dad wants to pick up her dresser. She took her clothes and the new bed I just bought her but left the dresser and some boxes of books, collectibles etc.

I think her Dad is now putting on the pressure as it is the 8th tomorrow.

My thoughts are that I want to talk to her about this. I feel that even if she does stay at her Dad's that she should spend some time at my home. Many divorced parents share custody, in my current order I am the primary care giver but the ex has shared custody with me. Up until a month ago he never had the kids for any length of time, never had them weekends, or in the summer. I have always had them. I still want to be in her life but while she is at her Dad's I rarely see her.

Another question. My ex has always worked under the table. He only claims his main job on his taxes. He is supposed to give me all of his T4's but hides other income.

I have seen his ad on Craiglist where he offers renovation service, house painting etc. I know he has worked for some companies that he has not claimed which results in my getting less child support than I am supposed to.

I have been accused as being to nice for my own good many times.

I'm wondering if I should give what info I have on him to the maintenance program or is that just being bitter on my part because he is putting pressure on my daughter to stay with him. He is just such a cheapskate.

Normally when one parent has one child and the other parent has the other child then child support is not an issue. They both have on child each so no one pays. I would be ok with this under normal circumstances but, my ex hides income, has ripped me off for years and owes me $8,000.00 in arrears. The judge cut the arrears in half last time we were in court as he cried poor. It was 16,000.00 in arrears because he never paid me a cent the first 5 years were apart. I left him with three kids, he left me with no car, no money to live on and loads of unpaid bills that were in my name. My kids had to do without even the essentials. I couldn't afford my rent, had my hydro cut off, those first few years were very difficult.

I'm trying not to be bitter here so am looking for advice. I have not spoken of this to the kids and won't, I'm just looking for some outside opinions as it's hard to think straight when your emotions are involved.

thanking you in advance,
Kate