kate, phew, mission accomplished, but how sad that you had to have many sleepless nights for her to learn her lesson.

I know it won't be easy for your daughter to live by your rules, but stick to them. We are doing the same with our 21 year-old daughter who is back home with us after living on a college campus for 2 1/2 years and it isn't always easy. I try to stay focused on the poitive things, but still find myself nagging. Help.

The rules certainly the same as when she was a young teen, but there are still rules.

This won't be easy Dotsie. I moved back in with my parents after living on my own for two years. It was not easy to follow rules after having all the freedom I had. My Mom treated me like a teenager, always wanting to know where I was going. She expected me to be home for supper etc.

I had to move out as it was just not possible for me to go backwards. I moved home after being attacked late one night on my way home from the subway and was sexually assaulted. I was scared to live on my own after that, but, it was short lived.

It's important to avoid nagging as hard as it may be. Young adults really don't get it until they have kids of their own, then it comes back to them and they wonder how their parents did it.

Not easy.
Kate

Ew, sexually assaulted. I'm so sorry to hear that. How sad.

My daughter takes public transportation through some of the Worse neighborhoods in the city. It freaks me out. All I can do is pray for her protection. I'd love her to get her license, but she's not interested in learning right now. She has her learner's, but never wants to practice. She has a great sense of direction and I think she'd be a great driver. I don't get it.

I grew up in a big city and took a lot of chances. I thought nothing would happen to me. That was just one incident, there were a few more.

I guess I just thought I was smart enough to avoid trouble. From a young age guys exposed themselves to me on the way to school. I had to walk through a long creek area with loads of trees and places to hid. I got used to it and because they didn't do anything to me, I thought I was okay, but I was wrong. I had a false sense of security even though I had things happen to me.

I always tell my daughter I trust you, it's the perverts I don't trust. I have not gone into detail with her but she knows bad things happened to me. But it's the same old thing, it won't happen to me attitude. I hope your daughter stays safe. Travelling alone is what young women need to avoid. At least with someone along there is a witness, someone to help, or call police if necessary.
9 times out of ten victims are alone.

Kate

(hope I haven't caused you any unnecessary worry)

I have found that the best way to get along with your own teenager living back at home is to treat them like boarders, or other peoples kids. That seems to work and keeps the doors of communication open. Of course I had boys and it is a little easier not to worry about boys.

That is great advice Chatty. Stops the need for nagging and keeps the lines of communication open.

If they are sloppy and act like a hotel guest I'd tell them they have to move out. Some kids will take advantage. They will act like kids at home, wanting their parents to pick up after them, yet want to be treated like an adult when it suits them.

Respect has to work both ways.

Kate

How about an update now that summer is here?

Update:
Summer is here and kids are almost done school, just writing exams. Everything is good, kids are good and my daughter is with me and doing well. She is calling when out, checking in etc. We are back to normal. I think it was a good experience for her. A real learning experience for me.

Moving was a great idea as I now have them going by new house rules and they are keeping the house clean for the most part. My daughter is arranging her room which is new, usually she doesn't care but is making an effort now.

So, all is quiet on the home front which is so nice.
Thanks for asking.
Kate

Well life sure has it's ups and downs.
So, things were great for the first little while. My daughter is a nice girl, she does not talk back, she is not rude and is easy to talk to. We get along great for the most part. Other than her messy, messy room I could handle that. But........

There is always a but. She likes to party. She is 17 and when she was at her Dads' house she could basically come and go as she pleased. He allowed her to stay overnight at her boyfriends and he had no problem sleeping not knowing when she came in or if she even did.

Now, me, I can't sleep until my kids are in the house. I'm exhausted and it's still June. Two more months of summer....help.

Example: last night my daughter got ready to go out at 11:30pm. Some of her friends were meeting up after another friends grad ceremony downtown at a nice hotel. So at 2o minutes to midnight, my daughter is on her way out the door, by herself on her way to the bus stop to go downtown. Our city is small, it has an active downtown life and we only live about a 10 minute bus ride from it. There are often teenagers wandering around, hanging out, meeting up all hours of the night. I don't like it but it happens. It's a fairly safe place, only one child abduction in it's history I believe, but there are creeps out there for sure.

I told her she could not go, it was too late and she was not going to walk to the bus stop all by herself so late. She said nothing but then I heard the door close and off she went. In other words, what I say means nothing. She will do what she wants. She came in around 2am. I was of course awake and told her that I cannot put up with this behaviour, her response:

"Then I will move back in with Dad, I can do whatever I want there" And she is right.

Now, what would you do. I tried to come up with a compromise, no chance. She is stubborn and thinks nothing will happen to her, I worry too much etc. My biggest concern is her safety. She has no concerns about this.

I contacted my ex and he told me to trust her and did admit that he let her come and go, that he trusted her. I find this attitude so DUMB!

Anyway in the big picture there is really nothing I can do and she knows it. If I say no, she will just sneak out. Really at 17 what can you do, she knows that. I don't want to start world war three either.

Any advice would be most appreciated. Thank you ladies.
Kate

Hi Kate
geez, i can't believe what you are going through. Having the ex there just snickering at you with his permissiveness sure doesn't help.

When will she be 18?

If dad's so great, why did she move back in with you?