I'm growing inpatient. My ex has my son helping him to fix up the basement for the girls. My son keeps saying to me "If I move to Dad's I'll do this" etc.

I don't have any idea if he wants to move or not. He says he wants to try it, but then he says he doesn't want to leave if I will get upset. I am trying not to show that I am upset but it is not easy to hide it. I don't talk about it much, just keep to myself and do my own thing.

Today the ex picked up my son to put him to work on the basement. My son mentioned again, if he moves. I said to him, please make up your mind either way if you are going to try it or not. It is really unfair to keep me in limbo.

Why I feel this way is I rent a very expensive house, out of my budget but it is the cheapest in this city with enough bedrooms etc. If they are going to move I want to start packing up and move to a smaller place that I can afford.

There is also a few other options. I could rent out a room, or both if they both go. Also, I could take in a teen 13 to 16 that is a ward of the court/ministry etc. There is a program that puts kids into good homes for a 3 month to a year period. It helps they get back on their feet as they can't live at home for a variety of reasons. The income is tax free and it's quite substantial. I have always loved kids, was a big sister etc. but wonder if I am too stressed out in my life at this point to do this or not. Maybe it would be a good thing, take my mind off my other kids being with their Dad etc.

I am just trying to come up with some ideas if they do both move. If my son stays I could rent out my daughters room but my son is totally against this. He was really angry when I told him I wanted to rent out the room and especially take in a teenager.

I am all over the map right now and stressing big time. The doctor just put me on blood pressure pills. I tell myself that I don't have to make up my mind right now as my daughter may come back. The entire situation is driving me crazy. I am right before my period too so that may be part of it. I am not the most patient person and need to keep my life under control or I get stressed.

Not knowing if my kids are coming or going is really upsetting for me.

I am going to yoga today to meditate and get away from the situation for now, but it will be back.
Kate