Hi Kate

Oh sweetie, I know how hard it is to have your kids come to you and want to move away. I had a hard time when my son said, at 16.5, that he wanted to move in with his dad (who lived in Pennsylvania at the time, we were in Indiana). I don't know how I would handle it with multiple children!

I felt betrayed. Pissed off. Angry. Sad. The works. We had always had a pretty decent relationship or so I thought and this felt like a blow that was unfair as it gets.

I ranted. Raged. Cried. Called my girlfriends and told them what an ungrateful SOB he was. All of it!

The day he left I sat on the floor and cried and cried and cried.

As time went on, I found myself looking at life in new ways. It was actually fun to have him be so far away, knowing (so I thought) that his dad was taking care of things and I got to be the one with the fun stuff for a change. Although his dad is a good guy in many ways, he is aloof and prone to using money to take care of things, not his time or to focus on the daily tasks we women do so much.

At one point, I actually felt guilty because I was enjoying him being gone. OMG, how could I do that? What kind of mom was I? Grin.

The true gift of the situation was when I realized I got to look at what I needed, without worrying about where he was, what he needed, what I should be teaching, etc.

And that process brought me to learning how to prioritize, follow my spiritual path, take courses that supported my growth. And, in the end, I believe I am actually a better mother to my grown son. Because grown he is and he gets to walk the path that was meant for him.

Because of my training and explorations into myself, I have been able to guide him in a very different way than would ever have been possible without him leaving. I stopped judging myself by how much I did for him, was for him, "gave up" for him. Which actually took a huge load off his shoulders!

Another great side effect? The mess in the house was mine! I could no longer groan and moan about what he hadn't picked up, the chores he hadn't done, or what an ungrateful poophead he was. Which also sucked eggs since I had only myself to point to when the dustbunnies started having races around my townhouse and I had to step out of the way so they could have their fun!

Set the rules you need to for the son who is staying with you. Coddle yourself. Give yourself the gift of knowing you, as an individual. Because you see, sweet one, you are one amazing gift to the world. And it is your time to shine.