Anno, first thought, I don't want this thread to be just about me...anytime I raise a new topic, I'm looking not only for answers for my situation, but always I'm also looking to hear other people's stories...it never ever bothers me if a thread that I begin "morphs" into various directions. I figure that when someone else needs the flow of help/energy/encouragment, then that's where the thread should go. In fact, it's one of the things I most love about BWS, is that so many of us can be helped and enriched when others share their wisdoms and experiences.

The fact that you crash and burn whenever you try to come off the AD's is a sure sign that they're providing you with whatever your body needs at this time. I believe that depression is primarily a chemical imbalance and that only the appropriate meds can restore that balance. I also believe that for some of us that chemical imbalance is permanent; I can go for years without medication, but even during those times, I do struggle with chronic depression (dysthemia) which probably would not affect me as much if I DID take AD's all the time. But I also know when the "chronic" low has dipped too far and that's my signal to go back on the meds.

PTSD could be a possibility...watching my Dad, Mom and then my brother all die before my eyes within a few years of each other was hard to take. Then this other family situation which is unbelievably painful and not within my ability to fix or change in any way. And so many deaths on my hubby's side as well. The loss of my job, and the loss of my ability to work. I suppose it could all add up, couldn't it. But that all also could point to this adrenal fatigue thing that we've been talking about as well.

I do have to say that having this discussion here, as well as the discussions elsewhere about adrenal fatigue have helped immensely, not just in pointing me in the right direction for relief and treatment, but also in the direction of continuing to have compassion for whatever this journey is and patience for wherever it's leading.

I'm actually liking this cipralex...Dancer, thanks for your words of encouragement. I too see the difference when I stop and compare my mood now to the roller coaster it's been for months/over a year now. Did you know, though, that the time frame that you arrived here was only about two weeks after my beloved brother died? That plunged me into a profound grief that I'm only just now emerging from, though for the past few months I was aware that the grief was spiralling me too deep for me to get out of by myself. That's probably why the half-dosage works, because this isn't full-blown depression...I think we caught it just in time.

Eagle, me thinks the medicine, intention to seek help, Wii, and prayers of your beloved friends, may be moving the clouds a bit. I'm happy to hear it.

Thanks to all the gals who are encouraging you in this post. Often, knowing others are experiencing, or have experienced similar emotional struggles, lightens the heart. Hopefully, one never feels alone here at BWS.

DJ, I am also going to print that prayer and use it. I'm on my lap top now so will do it when I'm in the office. Where did you find that?

if was thinking i rembered you saying you had fibromyalga and chronic fatige, i do and its well as described with the adrinal thing, perhapps a symptom or perhapps some of the underlying stuff that coused the FB .

It gets hard to work out as so much stuff can have symptoms of other stuff. Iv given up going to the doctore as its just a tiral of one thing after another or meds being tired and i do wonder what all the choppin and changing is about.

I also know my lifestyle too little sleep and too much anxietie at times dose't help but tire me out.

anyway its morning and i don't waken up untill after dinner then im wide awake lol.

celtic, are you exercising? My friend with fibromyalgia feels best when she's swimming. It also helps tire us out so we sleep better.

Sorry to hear you struggle with this. I'm sure it's not easy while parenting.

i also have insomnia and find my sleep pattern gets out of sorts way easie, as if it can't waite to have me up all night.

yes it dose be a right pain with L up a lot at nights and very earlie morning 4 or 5 think thats when i get overtired and more awake. then the normale chores. Walking and being out helps as being in house makes me stire crazie ad the day drages wearas walking in nature lifts my mood and energises me.

I don't exercise more than walking and i am blessed i can do that, the crash left it difficult and damage stops upper and lower bodie work being done. I did at one time do excessive weight bodie building, since teens, sprint and long distanse running, swimm forever. left walking abvout 10 feet was a massive effort after car accident and i thought id die f pain, thinks are better now much much better.

I am sure that one day i be exercising again, id never thought id seen day i be able to do this much so in a bit more time.

FM came about maybee becouse of car accident maybee becouse i was a workaholic or excessive emotional strane.

the flip is without accident i might not have stuck so long as being a ftm and then never forgiven myself what i miss.

do you too have this or are you doing the tires us out as in all of us?

When was the car accidnet. They can be life cahnging, can't they?

Did you know meredithbead was also once a body builder?

Just an update. I've been taking 5mg of cipralex since early January and can definitely feel the difference. No more of that overwhelming jittery anxiety, I feel very calm, steady, strong and capable. The fatigue is still a problem, and since it hasn't been addressed by the medication, we're going to investigate further in March.

In response to the posts about adrenal fatigue in another forum, I've also added an Omega 3-6-9 supplement every morning, a multi-vitamin every day, and we've changed our diet around significantly...no white breads, substituting proteins for carbs (because I seem to crave proteins but have been mistakenly binging on carbs instead - huge difference!). I've also added 30-60 minutes of exercise (via the Wii Fit) every afternoon except Sundays (reserved for grandchildren), and add more stretching exercises throughout the day.

Other than the stubborn fatigue, I feel great. Even weathered a brutal menopausal onslaught last week without too much stress or damage to my hubby.

So I just wanted to write an update...I really like the Cipralex, it makes me feel even-tempered, capable, relaxed and even low-grade-happy (which is a wonderful alternative to my usual low-grade-sad). And no side effects that I'm aware of. I really like the calm even-ness, compared to the roller coastering of the past two years.

Oh sweetie...it is sooooooooooooooo kewl to hear this update! Wow, sounds like you are really taking good care of yourself and you most definitely deserve this gift.

Doing the happy dance all over the place here in little "Spirit Lake".

Eagle....I did 5mg of Lexapro for 2 years. It worked wonders for me. Mine was more anxiety than depression and it really helped to get me over a difficult time. My doctor was also surprised at my receiving benefits at a low does but hey, whatever works. Good Luck.

I've been on and off many different AD medications for the last 25-30 years. I just wanted to say that I also respond very quickly to a new med. The Doc always says 6 weeks to build up a blood level to get a good response. I always felt significant benefits by the end of the first week. Also, there have been a few over the years that worked much better at a lower dose than the 'regular' dose. Fighting depression is life long for some and more short term for others, but the battle is always worth it as life can be less painful and actually 'fun' and enjoyable again. Keep up the good fight and remember you are dealing with a disease, not a character flaw!