Hi ED2,
Little "A" is sooooooo beautiful! I understand your situation; I've been there. I have an Italian grand baby. She's the love of my life. But she lives in Italy. I don't see her very often. All these ladies give such excellent advice, I have nothing to add. I don't know which is harder: Being a mom or being a grandma. Both are the hardest jobs in the world. Hang in and hang on.
Prayers and blessings...

Well ladies, you have taken the wind out of my sail, so to speak. I will try the kind method. I agree; it brings one the furthest.

I wrote an email to my Dil/"A" today.

Hello sweet "A",

Daddy told me that you are going to Kindergarden ! That’s wonderful, and I am sure you will have so much fun and make many friends!

Oma and Opa miss and love you sooo much ! Say hi to your mommy and daddy from us too ! And if your mommy thinks it is allright, maybe you can give us a call and tell us about Kindergarden.


I sent this this morning. If I don't get an answer or call by tomorrow, then I really know where I 'm at.

I took you up on your advice, MA and went sailing today. Infact we found it very relaxing not to worry about "A" jumping around the boat or leaning out too far.

I agree Jabber, "all these ladies give excellent advice."

Eagle your posts get under the skin and are so wise. Interesingt that you had a similiar experience, and the kindness method worked. Thank you for your comforting words as well, AdornmentsMilan. It's very special getting to know you.

...................

Ed2,
That was a nice note. Hope she answers in the same flow of love!
Prayers and blessings,

Finally! We heard little "A’s" voice on the phone; 8:00 this morning. She sounded so lost, and so far away. And she started to cry bitterly, "I want to go home. I want to go to Oma and Opa."

My DIL took the phone and said we better hang up. Afterwards I wrote an email to my DIL suggesting that we come every few days to see Anaiya. It doesn't have to be in their apartment. Somewhere neutral, like a playground would be fine. The main thing is that Anaiya isn't separated so abruptly from us. That she sees we are still a part of her life and haven’t discarded her like a piece of waste.

I know if I were a child, I would rather have a slow transition than being torn from one family and placed into another. I hope and pray my DIL agrees with me. It was just awful hearing Anaiya cry so desperately for us.

Meredith, the problem is; I have to learn pig language.

Maybe time to suggest (concerned and lovingly to all the three of the family) that an arbitator maybe a family doctor or child specialist. advise what is best for little A.who has indeed been fostered and seperated from that home unit for a large part of her little life.
do this officialy so notes are taken and kept.
maybe your son could be advised you are doing this for A's good and for the reason...do this before A shows seperation anxiety symptoms.wet beds etc..
My bet is she is ...and sooner rather than later.
A voice on the phone is not enough...nor a letter she cannot not yet read.
also you could start a diary..later she will read it will you..and see in retrospect your love..sorrow and how disempowered you are.For now.

is there a church connection..the wife may listen to a pastor.Still back it up with paper work.
Any educated child worker would recommend a secure transition for A.This did not happen and as this couple settle again together they would benifit from time alone and A. being safely with you.

Also do keep doing things for you...massage..even if you cry (cathartic) and sailing..WOW.
The important lady is A. The important time is soon.

Taking a whole differnt stance...The wife will still be coming down to Planet Earth since the Games.Adjusting to home life.May have regrets at her abscence from A. May be so angry at herself that she is not rational.Could be turning that wrongly into hostility toward you.So much for her to unravel.
So I think you are right to be concerned.
Love Mountain ash

What a mess, and why does it seem to be that the bit_hes are running the world???

Edelweiss, I am so sorry that it has turned out this way for your granddaughter. Just pray and believe, for everything to work out the best for your granddaughter. I will be praying too!

Can you ask your son what is your DIL's favorite meal? My next move would be to invite them over for dinner and cook them a feast. But when they come over, try not to mention anything about "A" being separated from you. I wouldn't bring this up at all.

Then, the following week have them come over for your son's favorite. While DIL is over, try to get to know her and find out what her life was like growing up. The only way you'll understand a person is by getting to know their life as a child.

Chatty, you can say that again.

Diamond thank you for thinking of me and "A" in your prayers. I’m so upset about this. For the first time in my life I’m taking anti-depressant drops, because I can’t fathom how I have been used and now shunned. I have never spoken a bad word to my DIL; not once. There is no reason for her to shut my husband and me out of our grandchild’s life like this; other than she is sickly jealous.

AdornmentsMilani, your suggestions are good. We have our family over reg. to barbeque. Four days after they picked up “A” at the airport, ( directly from our vacation), they came over for a nice dinner, and then packed all her things. The mother slept almost all afternoon, and didn’t participate at all with us. “A” was in the pool with her father, we played Frisbee and hide and go seek, while the mother slept in the living room easy-chair.

I also know about my DIL’s background. Yes her childhood explains some things. She was partially brought up by her grandmother, never had a father, and her mother had 5 children, each from another man. We payed for their wedding, including her wedding gown and everything that goes with it.

My DIL has two faces. One is a charming and sweet loving nature. This face captured all of out hearts, and we could understand our son falling in love with her. But then the other face slowly came to shine. She says what people want to hear; to get what she wants. She is cunning and clever, and it is all about her. Although she knew after 3 months that she would not make the Olympic team, she still stayed at the camp to play with the ‘chosen’ team for a year and a half…at all our costs, and mainly at her daughter’s cost.

I can’t seem to get out of this slump on my own. Maybe this is what a grieving mother feels like. Hopefully these drops will help me, and being able to share with all of you helps me more than you can know.… Lola sent me a beautiful phrase, which I can relate to; "...[you may not have grown under my heart but, you most certainly grew and live in it."

I know there isn't much to say or do about this. I thank you all for just hearing me vent, and in a way I feel abit selfish thinking of all the horrible things going on with the hurricane victims. So I guess this is just a little grain of sand compared to everything else.