Mama Red, I should have been nicer to my mother and not have reacted to her vindictiveness. I'm an angry person b/c of what they did and continue to treat me. There was not show of affecting during my childhood, my mother slapped me and when she did not want to punish me, she would have my biological father administer the punishment (belt, called names -- like stupid, dummy, dog, idiot --, kicked in the butt and forced on my knees, slapped with his palm, and backhanded). I was even choked and raised off the floor by my father and backed shoved into a wall for a falsehood my step-mother stated.

Enough of that. I always feel guilty for not being enough and find myself repeating behaviors. For instance, for many years I've thought gossip was an acceptable form of communication. Why? Because thats what my mother, step-mother, and siblings did about me and others. I thought this was OK. Its not.

Mama Red, good idea in that I need to create a well thought list to separate myself from the above mentioned.

I need to pony-up and stop slipping out of the saddle when I think a little bit of love will be exhibited by my parents, only to discover its another manipulative game. Also, I need to curb my anger which is based upon past abuse.

I need to turn the page, and I'm not very good at it.