Dearest Eagle Heart

Oh my goodness, talk about resonance, connection and knowing how much this affects you. I don't, in any way shape or form, wish to minimize what you are going through by parroting the words I "get it"...writing, without the voice behind it, can sometimes sound like a "me to" and I most certainly don't want that! I don't feel you're rambling on...at all.

In fact, after I wrote my previous post, I went to meditate and pray and your words were what were sounding off in my head.

I've heard of the challenges you're describing with the Canadian health system from others I've known from there. What gets my goat is that it is so much the same way here in the US...I can't begin to count the number of doctors and others (professionals and non-professionals) who blithely dismissed my fears, complaints, non-diagnosable s**t. Either they applied a generic label like "fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, IBS" and wrote me off as if it was all in my head or they applied a label such as depression with that condescending voice that makes me want to strike out and pummel them into the ground like so many pieces of dirt. Now there is a nice resonance to carry, eh? (Smile).

Most of the care I have received has not been covered by any kind of health system we have in the US...the folks who have helped me most have been outside the "system"...by choice since it would impede their healing modalities with so many rules and regs as to render them no longer able to help. And sometimes not by choice, since our care system doesn't recognize anything that isn't "of" the scientific "traditional" healing modalities most people in the West are familiar with.

I hear in your voice extreme frustration and I get it...all my reading and learning has said the same thing as Louise Hay...the physical is the result of the belief systems. AND, and this was important for me, especially when I collapsed last summer (8 weeks after getting married and it was one of the contributing factors to my almost-divorce at Thanksgiving) and simply couldn't go 1 step further, it took me finding someone to help with the physical (including antidepressants...a few years ago) to be able to apply those learnings and principles. I felt I was a horrible failure when I couldn't "even" heal myself like I "should" be able to!!!!!!!!! I mean geez, I'm supposed to be a smart woman, you would think I could at least do this. And that makes healing even harder...that blasted "should" destroys everything.

A few years ago my spiritual coach/therapist recommended antidepressants and I thought I would faint dead away...she was married to my chiropractor, did massage, past life regressions, and all sorts of other things that were outside my norm. And here she was recommending antidepressants!!!!!!!!

When I fought her on the recommendation, she reminded me in her oh-so-gentle way that we couldn't continue doing the emotional/spiritual work if my body was giving way. I had had 10 surgeries within a 5 year period (including a hysterectomy) and my body was seriously out of balance. She reminded me that a car won't run without fuel and my hormones were the equivalent of gasoline (petrol) for a car.

It took me until this fall to find someone to help with the physical aspects of where I am...my adrenals were shot and although my thyroid tests appeared normal to most docs, this guy wondered how I was even functioning. I collapsed in tears in his office, knowing I had found support.

And my hubbie was also like yours. He was kind and caring and doing his best AND the fear of what I was going through scared the bejeebers out of him. It took my full collapse for him to understand and the full awareness also wore him down...he wanted his happy joyful sexy wife and what I was going through wasn't what he, consciously, wanted. It is tough on both of you, I know, especially when you probably can't pinpoint, to his satisfaction, exactly WHAT has got you in a stranglehold grip.

Besides the MD, who started by building up my adrenals first, then adding thyroid support, I'm working with a person who uses a healing modality called Theta healing. I can't explain how it works and I know it does by how I feel. AND (this was big for me), I couldn't continue on without the physical support. I may, one day, be able to drop some of supplements and for now they are my friend and are providing a way to rebuild my seriously depleted system. Years and years and years of unremitting stressors, large and small, wear you down. Our systems really weren't build to handle running on a constant pattern of responding to fight-or-flight stimuli.

During my Theta healing sessions, I've learned a ton about where my scripts came from and how many of them are hardwired into my system.

Please sweet one, with a heart of gold for all, could you cut yourself some slack? I hear you (or at least I think I do based on the words you are sharing) taking yourself to task for not being able to "make" this LOA stuff work. You are reaching out, you are sharing and you are a wonderful being of Light.

There are many different healers who can work by phone...some who do so exclusively. That might provide another set of resources for you ...and I know you'll find a combination that is perfect for you. You will find the key to unlock what needs unlocking and transmute what isn't working into something positive for the world to see and learn from.

Know you are in my heart and in my prayers...

(speaking of rambling on!)