Eagle
a long standing issue for me resolved by me firmly saying that there was no place nor need for the problem.Gestalt almost.
not following the "Secret" "Law of Attraction"nor Louises's writings .but my own power and actions.I am still working on the isssue which is medical but its as if I am in the world looking at the problem not inside looking out..
The books and beliefs are but aids ... the authors sent to help us but the true empowerment is within.its just beyond that place where we feel we have had enough...a bit like the labour before birthing..
wishing you peace.
Mountain ash

Dearest Eagle Heart

Boy, do I recognize this process! More than I will regale you with in this post. You said a couple of things that have been my own experience...1) not being able to find your way alone and 2) the "feel" that the universe is responding to the underlying fear.

I've found I couldn't do it alone...which is why I've worked with a variety of healing modalities over the years and with coaches/mentors. Those choices made a HUGE difference in my own success rate. Although I did a ton of work on my own, my greatest successes and ah has came when I worked with others to see what I wasn't able to because of my own blind spots.

As I've done my studies and research, I've found many tidbits of information on LOA ...and one of the ones that resonated most with me is that it is actually the Law of Resonance (the underlying emotion you mention) that determines the "success rate" of these approaches. A lot of materials don't go into this particular Law, nor do they, necessarily, lend a hand with the scripted voices/stories that seem to hang on as tenaciously as barnacles to the bottom of the docked boat!

I spent years trying to do things with my "brain power", affirmations, changed words, etc. and failing, miserably, spiraling into an ever deeper abyss of despair and self loathing. I later chose to combine modalities...I did take anti-depressants and worked with a spiritually based therapist and did a ton of work on my own. I've been on a 15 year journey ...and I know it would have been my preference to do it more quickly and it is what it is. And it is, and will be, a continuous journey, taken moment by moment. As you know (as do the other wonderful ladies on this forum), I have had my own challenges in a variety of ways, the latest of which was the drama with my hubby.

So you're not alone girl...and these factors are a huge part of what led me to become a coach/mentor/facilitator whatever you want to call it!

My passion is to help others walk through to the other side...please let me know how I can be of service. I'll do my best!

Mama, what a lovely, encouraging post for Eagle. Sometimes knowing others walk in your shoes, or have done so, is enough to lift our spirits.

Eagle, prayers for your peacefulness often run through my mind.

Mama Red, your post is indeed a much-needed validation and encouragement. I've read about the Law of Resonance, and have been trying to figure out how to fix/change/erradicate those "scripted voices/stories that seem to hang on as tenaciously as barnacles to the bottom of the docked boat!" (very apt description!) What it's ended up doing is increasing my fear, because I've gotten myself into a vicious cycle of diligently working to rewire myself and rewrite those scripts, then realizing over and over again that the underlying "resonance" is still one of despair and fear, and then slipping bit by bit into a sense of futility - and then starting all over again. Never moving ahead by more than one or two improved ways of thinking, which is progress, but not enough to improve my quality of living. But the fear now is that this underlying resonance will do irreparable damage before I figure out how to fix it, which is irrational but could be reactionary to so much loss in such a short time...now I know all too well how short life is and that every day that I don't figure this out is one day less to live the way I want to.

It ought to be easy to simply declare one's choice and then live it. I do that, I believe and live "as if", but still, always, that underlying resonance steals my peace and joy. The concern now is that it's beginning to manifest itself phsyiologically, which it hasn't done before.

But hubby is FINALLY aware, I mean fully aware, of the gravity of it. He's always been supportive at the basic level, but has not really understood nor been interested in understanding "depression" or how much fear and anxiety have debilitated me (and so much of that stems directly from an ongoing situation in his life that impacts both of us on a daily basis, but has devastated me in many irreparable ways).

Anyway, knowing what one needs and getting it are two different issues. I've been pleading with my doctor for a referral to this anxiety support group for well over a year now, but this is the first time that she's taken me seriously enough to promise to fill out the paperwork. It's my hope that once I'm in "the system", I'll be able to find a good spiritually-based therapist and other resources. The Canadian health system has a good reputation outside of Canada, but the reality is that it sucks big-time if you're on the outside trying to get in. Nothing works, nobody responds, nothing gets done without the support and referral power of the doctor. Even when I present my doctor with the research and contact numbers, she doesn't follow up. And it's impossible to find another doctor, we've tried.

Anyway, sorry to ramble on and on. I appreciate your post so much. It helps me to feel more empowered to continue searching for the way through.

Dearest Eagle Heart

Oh my goodness, talk about resonance, connection and knowing how much this affects you. I don't, in any way shape or form, wish to minimize what you are going through by parroting the words I "get it"...writing, without the voice behind it, can sometimes sound like a "me to" and I most certainly don't want that! I don't feel you're rambling on...at all.

In fact, after I wrote my previous post, I went to meditate and pray and your words were what were sounding off in my head.

I've heard of the challenges you're describing with the Canadian health system from others I've known from there. What gets my goat is that it is so much the same way here in the US...I can't begin to count the number of doctors and others (professionals and non-professionals) who blithely dismissed my fears, complaints, non-diagnosable s**t. Either they applied a generic label like "fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, IBS" and wrote me off as if it was all in my head or they applied a label such as depression with that condescending voice that makes me want to strike out and pummel them into the ground like so many pieces of dirt. Now there is a nice resonance to carry, eh? (Smile).

Most of the care I have received has not been covered by any kind of health system we have in the US...the folks who have helped me most have been outside the "system"...by choice since it would impede their healing modalities with so many rules and regs as to render them no longer able to help. And sometimes not by choice, since our care system doesn't recognize anything that isn't "of" the scientific "traditional" healing modalities most people in the West are familiar with.

I hear in your voice extreme frustration and I get it...all my reading and learning has said the same thing as Louise Hay...the physical is the result of the belief systems. AND, and this was important for me, especially when I collapsed last summer (8 weeks after getting married and it was one of the contributing factors to my almost-divorce at Thanksgiving) and simply couldn't go 1 step further, it took me finding someone to help with the physical (including antidepressants...a few years ago) to be able to apply those learnings and principles. I felt I was a horrible failure when I couldn't "even" heal myself like I "should" be able to!!!!!!!!! I mean geez, I'm supposed to be a smart woman, you would think I could at least do this. And that makes healing even harder...that blasted "should" destroys everything.

A few years ago my spiritual coach/therapist recommended antidepressants and I thought I would faint dead away...she was married to my chiropractor, did massage, past life regressions, and all sorts of other things that were outside my norm. And here she was recommending antidepressants!!!!!!!!

When I fought her on the recommendation, she reminded me in her oh-so-gentle way that we couldn't continue doing the emotional/spiritual work if my body was giving way. I had had 10 surgeries within a 5 year period (including a hysterectomy) and my body was seriously out of balance. She reminded me that a car won't run without fuel and my hormones were the equivalent of gasoline (petrol) for a car.

It took me until this fall to find someone to help with the physical aspects of where I am...my adrenals were shot and although my thyroid tests appeared normal to most docs, this guy wondered how I was even functioning. I collapsed in tears in his office, knowing I had found support.

And my hubbie was also like yours. He was kind and caring and doing his best AND the fear of what I was going through scared the bejeebers out of him. It took my full collapse for him to understand and the full awareness also wore him down...he wanted his happy joyful sexy wife and what I was going through wasn't what he, consciously, wanted. It is tough on both of you, I know, especially when you probably can't pinpoint, to his satisfaction, exactly WHAT has got you in a stranglehold grip.

Besides the MD, who started by building up my adrenals first, then adding thyroid support, I'm working with a person who uses a healing modality called Theta healing. I can't explain how it works and I know it does by how I feel. AND (this was big for me), I couldn't continue on without the physical support. I may, one day, be able to drop some of supplements and for now they are my friend and are providing a way to rebuild my seriously depleted system. Years and years and years of unremitting stressors, large and small, wear you down. Our systems really weren't build to handle running on a constant pattern of responding to fight-or-flight stimuli.

During my Theta healing sessions, I've learned a ton about where my scripts came from and how many of them are hardwired into my system.

Please sweet one, with a heart of gold for all, could you cut yourself some slack? I hear you (or at least I think I do based on the words you are sharing) taking yourself to task for not being able to "make" this LOA stuff work. You are reaching out, you are sharing and you are a wonderful being of Light.

There are many different healers who can work by phone...some who do so exclusively. That might provide another set of resources for you ...and I know you'll find a combination that is perfect for you. You will find the key to unlock what needs unlocking and transmute what isn't working into something positive for the world to see and learn from.

Know you are in my heart and in my prayers...

(speaking of rambling on!)

Eagle, I'm happy to hear about the possibility of a support group. Perhaps this can give you some renewed strength during the holidays.

I also hear your frustration with your health care. I didn't realize it was as you explained in Canada. Getting this wheelchair for Dad has been a real lesson in patience. I called again today, and I THINK it's now all squared away. It took three business days to do what could have been done in 10 minutes.

My MIL battled depression. She was a Christain and she actually had friends who thought that if she was a Christian she SHOULDN'T be depressed. How sad is that? Some people just don't get it. I think that unless one has experienced depression, they have no idea what living hell on earth can feel like.

Sending warm thoughts your way.

Hi Dotsie...and thank you! This is a story I didn't used to tell...'cuz, ya see, someone might not think I'm strong (and I'm supposed to be, right?)! It has taken me a while to get to the point to share and detach from what someone else might think, or not think. So I really appreciate your encouragement!

Mama, I don't know how to express my gratitude for your post. Your heartfelt sharing has touched my heart and I'm taking it all to prayer/meditation/heart.

Everyone's posts here are helping, like a giant jigsaw puzzle, and giving renewed strength and perseverance. I needed that! I can see that this isn't a quick-fix or a case where all of the puzzle pieces are just magically going to fit into place. I need to somehow overcome the medical red tape and gather more resources to make this happen.

Dotsie, I've endured the same sort of comments as your MIL...if you only had enough faith, you wouldn't be depressed...sometimes I do get a glimpse of how that could be true at a higher level of consciousness, that we've been provided with everything we need to regenerate ourselves. But the reality of day-to-day human life is that we are working with bodies that go haywire and break down. Some break down via diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, cancer...others break down via depression. Depression isn't caused by lack of faith and certainly isn't because of any lack of wanting to feel better. It's baffling, frustrating, debilitating and real.

Mama's right, I have to cut myself some slack and stop beating myself up for spiraling again. That happens with depression, it's not surprising given all that's happened in our lives over the past couple of years - and I've always known it was a possibility and have prepared myself with the roadmap and resources to get out, like previous times. I need to go back to focusing on "what is" and not on what's not, and just take this one day at a time.

The group will be a welcome resource. It probably won't have an opening until April, but we have Cuba to look forward to between now and then.

Mama, I was one of those people who once thought people could snap out of depression. Then God humbled me. I was in a car accident and suffered for over a year with shoulder pain. During that time I became clinically depressed. I took the dreaded anti-depressants which worked like a charm for me. Took the first bottle, didn't get the RX refilled because I'd been cured. Days later, I was back in the dumps. Back to the drugs.

Boy did I learn a lot that year. Now I have tremendous compassion for people who suffer from depression, and I know quite a few men and women, who I hope I've helped through the years, who also suffer. It ain't no picnic. That's for sure.

I'm sure your voice on this topic had helped many. Have you read Eagle's book?

Hi Dotsie...I'm with ya lady, I'm with ya! Until you go through it, you really don't know, do ya? Gives additional weight to the old saying "don't judge another until you walk a mile in their moccasins"!

I did the same thing with my Rx...stopped taking it and within a couple of weeks was staring at the inside of my favorite black hole. I did that several times (did I ever admit to my stubbornness..or tenacity) until my doc said "look, either take them for at least 1 year or don't go back on them...this is hurting your body!" I listened (finally).

And no, I haven't read her book...and I sincerely hope I have helped. I truly do.