Saying prayers nightly for A and her pops and you and A's grandpa too. Hopefully this can soon be resolved so this dear child can once and for all know where she belongs.

Thanks Mama Red, Humlan and Chatty for your prayers and well wishes.

Orchid, you have hit a nerve with me. Quite frankly, I really am not sure what is the best for our granddaughter. You were so right about the identity thing, That will most surely come up. Obama was raised by his white grandparents, right? But from the reports I've seen, I think he identifies himself more with the Afro Americans. Maybe I'm wrong,…just seems that way.

Dotsie, how was it with your adopted children? How did you help them identify with their roots? Or was it even necessary?

"A" may even resent us for taking her away from her mother. This is what I most fear. What confuses me to no end is that the mother hardly did anything with her daughter;…not till she got a court order limiting her living quarters to where she lives now. My son was afraid she may "flee" with her daughter, she constantly threatened to do so. Only since then, -about 3 weeks ago, did she even show interest in her child. My son claims she is doing this just for show. But still, now the bonding is probably there…so I don't know what to think. Of course I would prefer their family to function and that "A" lives with her parents. But this is all out of our hands anyway. It's my son that wants to go this route. But if it should be decided that she return to us, - at this point, I know little "A" would be the happiest little girl in the world. When we do see her; she begs and cries to come back to her Oma and Opa.

Still, I am hoping that the marriage counselling may help. Do I sound confused? I am.

EW, no words of advice here or opinion--only that I hope the best interest of A is served in the end. I know if your hand, and that of your loving husband, is involved at all, it will be.

I'm praying for all of you. Including the mother.

You sound confused because it is confusing, and only time will tell what is best. I'm guessing patience is what you need right now. However, I hope you continue to be in touch with her by phone and visits.

EW, I'm sorry to say that we really didn't do a whole lot to keep our kids in touch with their roots. We made attempts when they were little, but they weren't very interested. We adopted them through Catholic Charities. They offer a Homeland Tour to Korea annually. It's still something I dream about doing with my daughter, but my son has no interest. It won't be this year though, because Ross is taking her to Hawaii in June to celebrate her 21st birthday. Any time Ross asked the kdis where they wanted to go for vacation, Jess always said, "Hawaii." He'd reply, "One of these days I'm going to take you to Hawaii." He's a man of his word so they are going for five days, which is a rather quick trip, but they will make the most of it for sure.

Ew, please know your son and his family, and you and your hubby are often in my thoughts and prayers. I wish A's mom would grow up and recognize all that she has. I'm afraid she will , but it will be too late.

Oh Edelweiss...it is confusing, isn't it? It seems these things are rarely, if ever, cut and dried! And oh how I wish they could be. And wouldn't it be nice, at least at times, to have a crystal ball to know what is best for each person? I know that we're not "supposed" to question and sometimes I do, especially when I read about this type of situation.

My prayer for today: "May all be to the highest and best of each involved."

Know I'm sending prayers for you and your entire family, including your DIL, who definitely has a problem if she can't see the amazing blessings she has right in front of her. Please know, that doesn't mean I agree with what she has done! Far from it!

My dear EW, my heart is breaking for you. You've been through so very much with this situation. I can't imagine how much you are missing A. Those two parents need to grow up and begin thinking of their child first.

Sweetie I agree with what everyone has said. It's confusing for you and knowing just the right thing to do is one of the hardest things to do. But I know you'll make the right choice and it will all work out in the end. I am sure you raised a fine son so this must be from the DIL.

You have my prayers and good wishes for your and your darling A, hubby, son and dil. Please know that I will be thinking of you so often praying that you will be allowed to see your little one. Chin up, dear one.

When Obama walks around ever since he was a baby, society saw him as black simply because of his skin tone. As well all know, there are different shades of 'black'. So it's not surprising IF Obama instinctively might feel more 'black' than white. No matter how many times he repeated himself to others to explain his biological roots and upbringing.

And 'A' will have to do this explanation when she is asked or whenever someone might make a remark..for the rest of her life also. Just like my nieces and nephew. (There is a baby Eurasian niece that another sister has. She's only going to be 1 yr. old).

It might be wise EW, never to be overly defensive of 'A' to her mother. Otherwise there might be an unpleasant surprises/perceptions from 'A' who will initiate and be reaching for her mom over time when she becomes a young, independent woman.

Keeping in touch with "roots" or identity, may be expressed also by the friends that a biracial child likes to hang out with. Or changes in the social circle of close friends. It doesn't have to be about practicing certain customs, understanding certain cultural jokes nor visiting ancestral homeland.

Dotsie, Hawaii is probably way more diverse, way more Asian than Maryland. I've been there and have read much about Hawaii's history and its ethnic groups over time. Also over time there are have been alot of mixed marriages and interracial children. It is possible that many Asian-Americans would feel immediately more at home in that lovely tropical state compared to ie. the U.S. Midwest or Northern U.S.

Most likely for your Korean-American son, Dotsie he may subconsciously want to learn of his background...in the next few decades on his own. who knows maybe not until he's in his 50's. These things do happen... And the interest will be expressed through avenues that were not so obvious. It is also possible neither children will tell you directly of much, since if they know they are well-loved, they would be afraid to hurt you, by telling you, their adopted mother.

For your Korean-American children, I hope one day they will find the pieces of their past in enjoyable way. It is possible they would connect better with Koreans born in U.S. who are more westernized and speak the slang, etc. Even if it's only food, and less deeper stuff of cultural history. I'm sure that alone would be a pleasure to see as a parent.

Sorry Ew, I got off track on that soapbox.

Best thing that Oma can do, is give A a good sense of self-respect, compassion and fun, tempered with accountability for her own actions. Just like Oma.

Dotsie, I think that is a compliment to your parenting. You have given your children enough identity for them to feel comfortable being "just" Americans, without having any further desire to seek their birth roots. And what a wonderful father Ross is to take his daughter to Hawaii. That's something she will never ever forget as long as she lives.

I'm so touched that you all understand that I'm pretty mixed up. Thank you for letting me know, JJ, Sandpiper, Dotsie and Orchid.

It feels so good to vent here. I can recommend it to all of you. Doesn't matter what's eating at you…this is a healing place.

Oh and Orchid, your last post made me blush. Thank you.

Read thru your thread here, EW..where I left off..and just want to let you know that I am thinking of you..and what is going on.."confused" is usually a good place to be in..it kind of helps you clean the slate..rock your boat..and perhaps set out in a new direction..in time..and that could be good.

I agree with the thought that a mom is always a mom..no matter how hopeless or successful she may be..and perhaps..just perhaps..you should tread carefully there..because little daughters become bigger girls/women..and maybe..just maybe..start longing for what is theirs. But on the otherhand..i think..there are no rules in relationships..each is so unique and different when everything comes around in the circle of life.I sound like some "old witch" stirring her brew and speaking her "wisdom" in the mists take it for what it is.. humlan´s ramblings as usual!

Good luck! And hugs..