Celtic, you touch my heart right to the core. Thank you, thank you for sharing your thoughts and for your caring encouragement.

I need to reread your post, a lot to digest there. But two things poked out at me immediately...first, that we are too solution-based...that's indeed problematic when dealing with emotional pain, because sometimes there is no quick fix or easy solution, only a "going through it". I choose not to ignore my anger/pain/spiritual angst, or to take an easy way around it, because I already know myself well enough to know that I will just meet the same pain on the other side, or further down the road. And I also believe that when we don't acknowledge or tend to our anger it does leak out and it can do a lot of damage to our bodies, our psyches, and to everyone we touch with that anger. So for me, the only way to get to wherever my soul is yearning to go is to just go through whatever briar bushes lie between here and there.

The other thing that you said that spoke to me was to take a break from the probing...to learn when to focus and when to distract. Vital wisdom there, Celtic. I do forget to pull back when it overwhelms me (actually, I tend to come here and share when it gets too much for me to handle alone). And if I allow it to overwhelm me to the point of debilitation, then it becomes unproductive and damaging to continue. Sometimes the most amazing epiphanies have come when I've finally thrown my hands in the air in utter frustration (with God) and just gone on to do other things, as simple as vacuuming or cutting onions. My ongoing experience is that God IS listening and does find interesting - and delightfully humorous ways - to let me know that He's hearing my frustration and is with me every step of this journey. (I could write a book about the things He's done to make me laugh even when I'm so cross with Him.) There's no doubt in my mind that this journey is important and necessary, for whatever reason...it seems to have something to do with purpose and becoming more useful to Him. Knowing that, and being grateful for His companionship (and especially for the companionship of others He sends to help out) doesn't take away the core pain, as you say, but it does definitely keep me from from "being engulfed and drowning". Indeed, as people share their own wisdom, it actually exhilarates me and spurs me forward and closer to wherever it is I'm going.