Hi ladies

You've been so kind and supportive after my plea for prayers. I thought I would let you know that he asked for a divorce tonight. No negotation (although I talked an embarrassing amount, I know, thinking I could "just" get him to see reason).

There are lots of painful details, mistakes made on both sides and no willingness on his to take what we've learned and build a new dream. This 56 year old man has decided he has done for everybody else and now it is "his turn" to live his dreams.

One of the most painful moments was when he said I never cared how much he did for me and when he asked for a "little loving" I refused. of course, that plays "nicely" into my viewpoint that it seemed like he wanted payment for taking care of me. Guess that intuition was right.

There are so many things and I've already overburdened you with details you probably don't want. AND I'm truly working on staying in the "its all perfect" and "this or something better" stage.

And, frankly, I'm scared and so sad. I "get" to tell my son tomorrow and don't know what he will tell his kids. Guess that is his to do.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do about income yet and will work on that tomorrow. Funniest thing? My dream was to get this off the ground and give him a break to live his dream while I brought home the bacon.

I hope I don't sound like a whiney "B"!

Mama Red, I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. After reading your post, this song from The Byrds came to mind.


To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time of war, a time of peace
A time of love, a time of hate
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time of peace, I swear it's not too late!

Mama Red, when I read your post yesterday, I got the feeling this might be the case. You haven't overburdened us at all and I'm sorry you have so much pain.

It's funny, I would've chosen the same song as Edelweiss because that's the image that came to mind. Sometimes, someone enters our life for a short period of time, to teach us or be there for us (or us for them) and when that karma is fulfilled, we move on. That doesn't make us hurt less or invalidate the sorrow.

Trying to be in a "perfect" stage is unrealistic. This is not perfect. Mourn. An important part of your life seems to be ended. It deserves your dirges and tears. You deserve the time to mourn, and then you move forward. You'll know the path.

Edelweiss and Meredith...tears are rolling down my face as I read your words and feel your kindness.

I will hold them in my heart as I mourn today. I would love to say I was kind and generous and understanding when he shared the news and I wasn't. I want to rip his face off and tear him shreds and I've already wished horrible things on him, then taken them back, then, well...I'm sure you get the picture.

I wish I had the luxury of time to mourn, I truly do. And I'm broke, out of work, and haven't had the physical strength or stamina to go for an entire day until the last 2 weeks. Which is what makes this even more painful.

And it wasn't a helluva easier when he said "you're the one who taught me I could have it all". Arghghgh.

Lots of love

I’m surprised not more ladies are visiting you at this thread, Mama Red. Maybe it should have been posted under marriage or divorce…?

I have been thinking of you, and I want you to know that you aren’t alone. As for wanting to rip his face off…that’s human. My husband can bring the worst side out of me. I think it’s because men don’t take us as seriously, and we need to go to extremes so they will listen!

You’ll see, - life will be better without that additional grief. Things will fall in place, job, home and so on. Now you have a very good reason to take the reigns and organize, and not wait for something to happen by itself.

I am following but not posting Hannelore. Seems I do that sometimes.
Mama I too am sorry to hear the hurt you are going through right now. I understand wanting to rip of his face and one minute you hate him and the next minute you are feeling sorry for thinking it. These emotions all relate to being told one wants a divorce. Many of us have experienced Divorce and know some of what you are going through.I know coming here and posting your emotions is helping you to cope. I'll keep you in my prayers for strength to carry on.

Mama, just checking in to see how you are doing today. Have you had the strength to tell your son yet? I'm praying about that because it seemed so important to you.

Hoping today was a bit of a better day than yesterday. Baby steps... knowing we are carrying you.

I too am peeking in when I have time, to see how you are. What you are experiencing is grief. Let it out, go ahead and feel that way, if that is how you feel. You have to work through it all. It's the same as if there were a death and you were mourning, in my opinion.

I won't pretend to know your next move, or what it should be, but I will tell you that you are very much cared for here, and we are all lifting you up. Lean on us. We have strong shoulders, my friend.

I'm another that has been reading, but not responding... simply because I absolutely don't know what to say. I won't go into why. It's so complicated and a bit close to home. But, I do realize that one of the most beautiful people I've ever met in cyberspace is going through what has to be one of the most ripping experiences.
I want to say 'this is for the best,' knowing it might not be. I want to say 'scream, cry, hit, scratch, etc.,' knowing that will change nothing, nor help you get on with it. My first instinct was to say, show him just how wonderful you can be without him, but that's setting up a vindictive hurt for another human being... and, being one who believes in the
'what goes around, comes around' philosophy, I wouldn't want you, MR, to place yourself in the path of a karmatic boomerang.
I want to scream with and for you, honestly. I've been trying to stay in 'perfect' for so long, I need a good scream. Maybe we can have a screaming party - it probably wouldn't be the first of its kind.
For all the kind thoughts and encouraging words you've sent my way, Mama Red, know that I wish I could take every bit of the pain out of this situation for you. Don't forget, too, that Houston has a healthy job market.

Mama Red, I too have been following this, and though without responding directly in this thread, have been carrying you in prayer and heart throughout. And will continue to do so. All I know to say is OUCH, OUCH, OUCH. I'm with Gims, I feel like screaming loud, hard and long. Loss is loss. The only way I know to get through is one small step at a time. Grief blinds us to the possibility of any joyful outcome when we're forced to start this journey, but it also in some ways numbs us to the inconsolable agony, so that somehow we're able to put one foot in front of the other long enough to make it to a new somewhere we don't even know we're heading for.

We're with you, in heart, prayer, care and empathy. Remember to keep breathing. And come here when the agony gets too hard to carry alone - you're not alone.