humlan, I'm sure you realize, as the rest of us do, this is not a cut and dried type of thing. The pendulum can swing so wide, picking up momentum as it does, and sometimes stopping at the most unpredictable places. 'All over the place' is par, IMO, as each party goes through a full-scaled swing of emotions, thoughts, determinations, possibilities and probabilities, visions, and so on... which would include considering the mutual and contra thoughts, emotions, determinations, etc. of the partner... add to that the families of both.

Mama Red, as mentioned above, hubby is going through his own H-E-double toothpick. I'm glad you are open to that. The moment he let the D word slip off his tongue might have been a point where re-consideration began. Our aging brains (the thinking part) sure goes through a lot, thinking and re-thinking what is, what might have been, what could be - none of which is cemented in actuality. If we embrace that (so hard for me to do) the knowing that life is a perpetual teeter-totter (sometimes teetering more than tottering, or vice versa), or a constant tug-o-war, we can adapt more readily. I'm one that wants the teeter-totter to be still and steady... even with the complete understanding that it wasn't built for that.

Hope I haven't gotten out of line by saying some of this, but if we don't share completely, what worth do our individual thoughts have. Mama Red, and others, you know just how messed up I am !!! That doesn't take me away from being here for any of you - trust me on that, please. Lining through because this isn't about me.