Hi ladies

Could I ask for your prayers please? Things have been pretty dicey between my hubbie and I for a while and we met with a husband/wife counseling team last night (they call themselves marital coaches because the traditional marriage counseling process has a woeful track record).

Even with the amazing start and awesome connection, he told the counselors he was only 60% committed to working things through and told me this morning that, pretty much, everything we had based our relationship on was a lie...why? Because he wasn't honest with himself about what he wanted, so, of course, he wasn't honest with me. One the one hand, I'm thrilled he is being honest with himself and with me...and realization that the foundation of what we have been building together struck me so hard I about collapsed. For the record, I was 90% committed...not to say that it is better, but to admit that I have doubts too and felt it was awful that I wasn't at 100%. Funny how that works, eh?

In some ways, what he shared wasn't a revelation as much as a confirmation of how I've been feeling for a while. AND it is still tough to take.

Reaching out to this group has been a real stretch for me this morning...not because I think ill of any of you...far from it. It is because I feel like a real idiot. My intuition told me it was more than he was saying and I asked and he said "nope" that wasn't the truth. So I believed him.

At this moment, I'm stunned, freaked, shifting and feeling ready to collapse into a puddle on the floor, and cleaning the fridge at the same time 'cuz it is filthy and we have overseas company coming in 5 days.

I know it will be what it will be, one moment at a time and my over-fertile imagination is running rampant at the moment. So, your prayers are most appreciated...I see us using this situation to build our dream together.

And I remind myself of my dual mantra: "this or something better" and "may the solution/situation be to the highest good of all involved.

PS...sorry to make the previous post so long!

Mama Red, it was a good decision to come here and vent. I have done that with my marriage problems, and the ladies were more than a crutch for me. And it is the biggest reason why I feel so loyal to this forum.

Maybe having guests will distract a little from your marital problems. If your guests are happily married, - that can be contagious.

It’s hard. I know. I will be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts from across the sea.

Thanks Edelweiss for your support...I truly appreciate it, more than you can know! And I, in return, send positive, loving thoughts your way, knowing they will reach you exactly when they are needed.

Our guest is actually our "daughter by choice" from Munich and will be with us for about 10 days.

This can't be easy for you, and because of that, it's not easy for some of us. I wish the best of all outcomes for you. You most DEFINITELY have my prayers.

I'm carrying you in prayer...I know what it's like to hurt so badly that I just crumple into a heap on the floor and don't know how I'll ever get back up and function normally again. There are some pains that just grab your gut, suck the air right out of your lungs, pull the rugs right out from under your feet and change your life forever. Somehow this situation strikes me as being one of those kinds of pain.

"This too shall pass" seems inadequate, but it's gotten me through some pretty dark nights. That and the fervent belief that somewhere in the midst of any negative situation is a nugget of learning and evolution that will, in hindsight, turn out to be a crucial piece of the puzzle.

Be gentle with yourself, and remember to keep breathing.

MaMa Red, I know how difficult it is to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Thank you for sharing your story with us. There are so many strong women here, and I, myself, have borrowed a shoulder more than once to lean upon.

When working with students who are trying to hide their truth, I let them know that I can not help them until they are honest with themselves. Hopefully, your husband is being honest now.

My heart is with you.

Gims, Eagle Heart, Anno

My eyes are welling up with tears as I read each of your posts. Thank you for giving me a safe place to be, a safe place to ask for help right now. I've spent so much of my life being "the strong one" that I still find it a bit of a challenge to let others see the deepest parts of me...and I've spent the last 10 years (and the last 3 intensely) learning how to do that. It isn't that I didn't communicate...I did. However, I was more the one to be the "giver of advice" and in recent months find myself doing both...a great thing really.

I believe there are always lessons to be learned, gifts to be found, lights to be turned on. And I've no doubt this will happen in this situation too. I believe that so deeply it is no longer a question AND it is what I teach in my speaking and mentoring programs too. If nothing else, it continues to humble me and help me have more experiences with which to help others.

I hope you'll forgive me for not writing an individual note to each of you...is that rude? I hope not!

One of the things he shared with me is that he no longer wanted "dependents" read "I'm tired of taking care of you while you recover from your collapse". Of course, that also applies to others and, for the moment, its all about me right (grin).

I've spent the last year healing physically and learning about how to do what my greatest work passion is...speaking and coaching/mentoring. Amazingly, I've been combining all I've learned and getting past the "I don't know how" stage to "let's do something stage". So, if he chooses to say goodbye, at least I've made a start on my new life.

The content at this site is, as the link indicates, beta and it is what I've spent the last 3 emotionally jarring days doing getting stuff entered, the last 2 weeks writing content and learning how to make the website tool work right (who knew it could take all day to get a bulleted list to work!).

So I hope you don't mind if I share:

MamaRed Speaks
Ask Mama Red
(the background technology for this was built by an amazing resource and is only waiting for some follow up notes to be written and my "say so" to launch).

Your feedback most appreciated...and I believe the sign up stuff is live although you'll a stupid canned response if you enter anything (giggle).

Again, my heartfelt thanks for your support...I'm truly humbled and blessed.

Thinking of you, MamaRed..and praying for you..

Dear MamaRed, you and I have shared much in such a short time so I do know part of what you are going through. I lost two husbands because God needed them elsewhere. I dumped husband number three after he killed my credit, my car and nearly me from stress. I pretend he's dead too. You have come so far, your website shows that and no matter what he decides to do, or not do, stay strong, keep to the path you have chosen to walk and never look back. Some of these wonderful BWS womem I am convinced talk to God directly, really I believe that, so know you are in good hands with them in your corner praying for you. No matter what we survive, we will get even stronger once we allow ourselves to mourn and then get on with living because I mean it when I say, life is too darn short to waste on some emotionally crippled male!
I too am still praying for you.