Mama Red, I too have been following this, and though without responding directly in this thread, have been carrying you in prayer and heart throughout. And will continue to do so. All I know to say is OUCH, OUCH, OUCH. I'm with Gims, I feel like screaming loud, hard and long. Loss is loss. The only way I know to get through is one small step at a time. Grief blinds us to the possibility of any joyful outcome when we're forced to start this journey, but it also in some ways numbs us to the inconsolable agony, so that somehow we're able to put one foot in front of the other long enough to make it to a new somewhere we don't even know we're heading for.

We're with you, in heart, prayer, care and empathy. Remember to keep breathing. And come here when the agony gets too hard to carry alone - you're not alone.