Oh brother, this is something else! I was the moderator of a popular forum for a bunch of published authors, and their EGOS.

If you ladies want to hear/see nastiness, its there. I left as their moderator after six months because I realized there was no pleasing these authors, male or female. NO one agreed with anyone else. Each one was sure they were the expert, right and weren't afraid to say so in a very ignorant fashion. It was awful!!!

Then I'd come here, and this forum which I love is a walk in the park. We have some 'tea parties' yes! We also have serious threads and try helping one another. I feel comraderie here, friendship, support and yes, even love.

Each and every thread is here because someone needed it, yes the For Sale one as well. You would never have seen my afghans if not for that thread. I am very thankful for it.

I am ashamed of us all if all we can find here is fault! I feel that Dotsie at her own expense has given us a safe place to come and yet some aren't happy with that, and look to find fault...

I may make some of you mad, and I sincerely hope not because I haven't found one single person here now that I do not connect with in some way, "BUT" that said.....

LADIES GET A GRIP, IF YOU AREN'T HAPPY HERE, YOU CAN'T/WON'T BE HAPPY ANYWHERE.

Instead of deserting the forum like, well you know, stay and make it the forum you want it to be. Nothing can be solved if everyone cuts and runs as soon as their feeling are hurt.
Hell, I have been called every name in the book by some of the women who came here looking for trouble, but I stayed and held my ground, and where are they now, "GONE," no where to be found.

I am going to say some prayers tonight asking that our God of KINDNESS shine his light into each and everyone of our hearts.

I hope to see you all here in the future helping Dotsie and JJ make this forum the best it can be, this forum needs us all, it sincerely does!

HUGS!!!

I only wish I can meet some of you in person, one day since I know it's not realistic to expect to meet all of you regulars here.

Although it may be helpful to come to this forum as a sanctuary, hopefully we would also seek in person, solace and companionship with others in our non-virtual lives. For some, including myself, it's not that simple.

I just find this forum useful just to hang out several times a wk. ..like a virtual chick boomer cafe. To shoot the breeze. In real life, I wouldn't phone up any of my closest female friends and just chat about superficial stuff. My real friendships' time requires we focus on chatting key things in our lives because we don't see one another often.

And at work, I pretty well have given up trying to talk much socially with another employee. We know enough personal details about each other that there's no need for either of us to dig further. She's not interested in current events/news. I mean she doesn't read much of this stuff. We've exhausted the same superficial/pleasant topics. She works less than 3 ft. away from me at work, but her life is quite different from mine.

Hear hear, Chatty! I think you've said it best. People come here for all sorts of reasons. I believe I'm one of the oldest oldtimers still active on this site and have seen it mutate and evolve since Dotsie started it with hope and a prayer.

This internet community is based on visuals -- specifically words. Communicating well depends on our ability to express in writing, and to decipher someone's else's writing. Sometimes it seems like the most innocuous comment sets someone off. And plenty of times I've exposed extremely intimate life stories and thoughts only to have them ignored, taken lightly, or (worse) laughed at. That's part of the risk of going on line. We only know each other by who we say we are, we can't always vouch for the truth of it... and life goes on.

As far as feeling safe -- I know people who live in the country, feel secure, think everything's under control and are terrified to set foot in the city. And I have friends in New York City who freak out when they're in rural areas, so they avoid them at all costs. It may seem like an irony, but I personally have come to find the political forums the safest place on this site because the discussions are about ideas and I really don't have to deal with whether or not anyone understands my personal stuff. So Eagle, I have felt mistreated in what you might call the "gentle" places, but am okay discussing ideas with people who disagree. I can detach from ideas -- they are not me, they have not influenced the course of my life like traumas have. And that's why I so much focus on the politeness, which is Dotsie's concession for allowing that forum.

The fact is that the internet allows us to come into contact with people we might not meet in daily life. And chances are pretty great that those people won't behave or talk or think in ways we expect, or even ways we _like_. But as Chatty says, get a grip. I have been called names, too, and attacked in more passive aggressive ways. But I have also made friends here over the past 6 years and I come to hang out with them (to use Orchid's phrase).

I don't understand why a caring, thoughtful discussion of a problem that MANY of us are experiencing here deserves such hostility (get a grip???) This thread is trying to find peaceful resolution to a problem that simply should not be a problem - but is.

I'm not here just for myself, I'm here as a voice for MANY MANY others who want and need to be here but who have experienced serious bashing, either in the forum itself or through PM's. Why should we have to go elsewhere? This very thread is proof that we want to stay and fix the problem and continue to create the place that we want this to be. We all know what this place can be and has been. And nobody expects it to stay the same. Evolution is inevitable.

This thread is trying to address a serious problem that is beginning to undermine this community. Those of us who are concerned (because we love and care about ALL of the women who come here) shouldn't be attacked while trying to address the problem of being attacked! That's almost funny.

Aggressively flinging that line "get a grip" into the midst of this particular discussion is akin to a slap in the face - and pretty much what we're talking about.

Ok, I might as well come out of lurkdom and say what I think. I joined this board several months ago as Ell and pretty quickly left for exactly the reasons DD described. It's not the political forum, which understandably can get kind of testy during an election year. It's the other places, where someone seems quick to say that everyone else is wrong in that snappish tone. Yeah, it's here. And I'm far from a shrinking violet.

And the same lack of respect is here in this thread! Yeah, I said it. If a new person started a thread like DD did (I hope it's ok to use DD), I could see people giving her the brushoff. But I thought she was an established member of this community, as are all of you. If she sees a problem, frankly, I don't see where telling her to get a life or to get over it, that's the way we are, seems supportive. Just because others may not agree with her viewpoint or distress doesn't mean it's not serious to her or to others who agree with her. I know exactly what game that is: this must be your problem. It certainly isn't mine, so there must be something wrong with you.

And before anyone wonders if someone put me up to this, no. I manage to get in plenty of trouble on my own. I can only share my own impressions. *I* got the feeling I had stuck my foot in it even in forums that were nonpolitical. *I* got the feeling I wasn't giving the correct answer. Some of you don't come off nearly as nice and nonconfrontational as you might think, which can easily happen in a fairly small forum where people get used to each other.

You can smack me back into the bushes if you wish, but I'm just sayin'. Peace out, as the younger ones would say....Ell

MA asked, where do we go from here... I say we jump in the other forums and have fun, carry on, and get back to what we want to see happen.

Dotsie..hmmm..I hear you..but I think we may loose Eagleheart..maybe Anno..maybe me, I don´t know..because maybe there is a need for recognition for what they/we are saying..and a kind of reasurance that this is a safe place to reside??? I don´t know..just thinking aloud.

You know Chatty..in our "real worlds" we are forced to "get a grip" when perhaps inside we are loosing our grip and feeling quite desperate and frightened, etc etc. And we´ve been able to come here and dare to fall..because we often landed on soft ground..safe ground. God knows that I don´t go around doing or talking as I may do here sometimes.

I honestly didn´t realize that there were memebers old or new that have felt slighted by being ignored or "laughed at" when they open their hearts..

Yes..this can be a phase that this forum (which is us actually..all of us) is going thru, yet again..I haven´t been here that long..but have lived thru phases here,too. BUT I DO FEEL that it´s VERY IMPORTANT to support people like Eagleheart, MountainAsh and I guess, myself.. to allow us/them to speak until they feel they have been heard also..as completely and fully as we feel the need to be. Ugh..am I making any sense? There is nothing offensive being said here on this thread..it´s members thinking aloud about things they have felt for a greater period of time lately.

I don´t know..maybe "we" should start a thread of our own..but that´s not really the point..I think. I think we want to talk things thru..and, for example, react to you, Chatty..about "getting a grip"..not in any unfriendly way..but telling you how it feels when we read.."get a grip"..I guess one can call this a "discussion". You are a very clear thinking woman..so I value what you write..and like to be stimulated to thought by what you write..that´s why I am here..and many of us as well.

Yes a recognition of what has been shared .

its a long time since anyone advised me to get a grip..think it was when I was learning to ride my bicycle

Mountain ash

I wold love to answer each and every post in this forun, but honestly, this has come at a tough time for me because my family is around this weekend and I'm trying to spend time with them, and keep things sorted out here. I'm also steeped in a new service that begins in our church tonight that I've been invovled with planning, and am partly responsible for the outcome of the service.

I understand that some of us are upset, myself included, but I am doing my best to carry on and connect, encourage and support everyone in ALL the forums. I don't know what else I can do. I don't have time to read every post an decide every which way a post can be interpretted. It's impossible. All I can do is hope and pray that we get beyond this and carry on in the true spirit of BWS.

Indeed,
"Get a grip," is a harsh way of putting things. I don't know if you were referring to me when you spoke of leaving the forum. If you were, when I need a break, I will take one.

To DJ, as I had to say something to Eagle heart, I wanted to say to you that I have had my personal problems or "whining," met with disdain or by being ignored. I don't go there anymore as you don't. I'm not sure why some of us do not get the understanding we need when we are upset about something or truly find something a problem when others may think it is not, but we suffer that, some of us, that is.

I've given up, as you have, posting those things that are personally hurtful for fear of the responses you describe. I'm sorry but I was not here when you did post about personal feelings and I wish I was for I would have answered you to be sure.

Compassion in all things is my motto and being honest is oh so important to me.

My shrink, when I needed one and went through a whole lot of therapy said I was about "Beauty, Art, and Truth," and I think that just about says it.

I am interested in many intellectual subjects, but yes, I am sensitive to those who are suffering and am not ashamed of it.

Lastly, when I do post a hurtful thing to me, it DOES hurt me, as I'm sure your postings, DJ were about things that truly hurt you. That puts us in a vulnerable position for attack or passive aggressive attacks, ( as you said,) and I don't know about you, but when I am facing a hard as hell time, I don't need that!

Best,
Dancer9