Nothing prepares you for this. So many friends had told me how lucky I was to, at the age of 52, still have my parents. No one really had to tell me that, I always felt blessed. My parents live a mile from me and my daughters. When Dad got sick with cancer, I'd been there at dr. appts. with them, I was over for coffee every morning with Dad---he loved his coffee. I fixed dinners for my family and take Mom and Dad plates so they wouldn't have to fuss. I was there during the hospice nurse visits, I was there becuz I wanted to be. I just love my parents to pieces. Now, Dad's gone. And it all just hurts---I got even closer to my folks at the end of his life---and of course, it hurts even more now. The last 3 years since Mom's triple by-pass, we've really worked together as a team.

And,----well, I've got no point, actually.
I just miss him so bad.
And it hurts to see Mom hurting so much now, too.
Don't know what to do, but just keep doing what I've been doing. Be there for her now. Be here for my daughters.
Seems unreal. I just cry sporadically. And sometimes I'm just fine. Then, it hits again.
We knew he was dying, but he was so strong until the 2 days before he died. And even then, once he got up and danced down the hallway---but, he had told me he felt so weak, he was confused, it happened so fast. The day he went in to a wheel chair was the day he lied down for a nap, and died. We thought he'd be with us longer---I had just gone to work 30 minutes earlier, had just stopped and sat outside with him, sipped my coffee---first day he didn't have coffee---and neighbors came over to see him. We had a nice morning chat, I pushed his wheelchair inside the house, hugged him, kissed him on the side of his face that didn't have bandages over the tumor, told him I loved him and told him I'd be by after work----
and got the phone call at work at 8:15 from Mom.
She wasn't sure what was happening---I rushed right over, took me 10 min. to get there. Mom told Dad I was coming---then, he died. I think he wanted to make sure I was there for Mom before he left us.
It's hard to drink coffee now without him.
And I hear his voice when I talk to people, I can anticipate what he'd say---and his thank you's. We were all brought up to be so polite, my Dad appreciated every kindness any of us brought upon him---or complete strangers, even---he appreciated that so much. And he always got something out of every conversation and every person he spoke with. And he loved to converse with people---and there was always something he would gain from each conversation---I always admired him for that. And he always made me smile---I loved his smile, he had such a genuine funny sense of humor and told one heck of a good story.
\
I'm just babbling about my Dad. Just doesn't seem to be a shut off point. I'll close now.

OMG---I'm so sorry I wrote so much.
My apologies!

Don't ever apologize for sharing what is inside your heart and soul. I lost my beloved daddy almost four years ago and I swear, it feels like yesterday! I can't hear "What a wonderful World" without crying. We played that son at his funeral. That was how he lived his life.

Your family mirrors my own. Your thoughts about your relationship with him, as well. One of the last things that daddy and I enjoyed together was "coffee time."

Never apologize...just hold on. Hold on to the memories, the thoughts of some day seeing him again, and come here whenever you need to. We're here and we completely understand and empathize.

The hurt from the loss never seems to leave me, but I CAN tell you that the edges are somewhat softer.

I'm sending you a great big hug. JJ

Oh, MorningGlory, please don't apologize! This is a good place to come and have a really good cry, and babble about your beloved Dad. So many of us have been there, and so many of us STILL cry and babble. It's okay. We know, we understand, we care.

The jagged edges do ease off eventually, but the hole never ever goes away, and that's okay too. Time teaches us how to co-exist with the empty place in our heart and lives. I've learned through my own grief journey that sorrow and joy often go hand-in-hand, that even in the midst of the agony, we are able to embrace and celebrate the love and memories.

Please feel comfortable sharing here. If you knew me better, you'd know that I've sobbed my heart out ALL OVER these forums for the better part of two years, maybe more. And these wonderful, warm, caring women here have faithfully embraced and carried me through to the other side of a terrible grief.

We're here for you.

Morninglory, I'm so sorry for your loss. My Dad died when he was 59 of heart failure. He had 4 heart attacks previous to that but he was doing OK. He took a nap one day and his heart just stopped.

Even though we lost him too young, I'm glad he died without pain.

Dearest Morning Glory

Please don't apologize...it sounds like you had an amazing relationship with your dad and it is natural that you would be grieving so deeply. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to support you!

Hi Morning Glory,

Your post caught my attention this morning - as I sip my java in the early dawn light - because our timing here is such a match.

My Dad died a month ago, too. Mom died a year before, and as they were married 63 years, they were so hard wired that I know Dad has just not really wanted to be around without her.

Dad had advancing dementia, yet was pain-free and happy in his last days, and passed during an afternoon nap - for all of that I am grateful.

I wanted to reach out to you in deepest compassion and sympathy. The grief for parent loss is deep and can catch you off guard - and from one who has experienced such a loss twice in the past year, I have all compassion for you and am glad that you have shared with us your experiences.

I raise my morning java in toast to your Dad - as you say he loved his coffee so much!

Thinking of you,
Lani

Dear Morninglory: I am saddened for your loss. You are blessed to have such wonderful memories. Please know that you are welcome to come and share your feelings as many times as needed. That's what friends are for, and this forum is meant for friends.

You have a blessing many just dream of. A relationship as you describe, many wish for. Still, your pain is real and can't be ignored.

I lost my dad when I was only seven. I still miss him. I send you a hug and will pray for daily comfort and strength. Our heavenly Father cares and shares our sorrows too.

In His service, Songbird

Lani, my heart aches for/with you. I lost both parents within two years and my brother-and-best-friend soon after. Very tough grief to get safely through at times. Impossible without others to help us through the rougher patches. IMO, that's what we're here for, to be wounded healers helping each other through to find our life-beyond-the-grief.