We all have our "grains of sand" EW. They are important to us, just as the other horrible things going on. Together all of the grains make a beach. So, not to worry. I've refrained from posting here simply because I felt I would say too much or be too harsh on the DIL.

Anything I would say about her has already been said. In my heart, I feel it is just a matter of time before she finds a way to leave again; your son, "A" and anything else that smacks of responsibility. Sleeping in a chair while your love ones have a BBQ isn't exactly the actions of a stable person, or a happy one.

She's a time bomb. I worry for little A. I hope your son is taking good notes.

I also feel that he has to step up to the plate and realize how much of your life you and hubby have given for them, for A. She may treat you like dirt, but there's no excuse for him to do so. Withdrawing your love and attention from the child is cruelty to all concern, A, you/hubby, and the son. She knows what she is doing and personally, I think she is psychotic.

It probably won't be long before she pulls some other drama. People like her cannot remain the status quo because she is anything but a loving mother.

My heart just breaks for all of you. It's a shame the other siblings can't step in and help. Come to think of it, do you have other children? I can't recall, to be quite honest.

At any rate, time will tell.

You know how much I love you, Edelwiess, and have refrained from writing here because I am so partial. I am going to try, however.

I work with parents much like your SIL. They have poor role models for mothers, and often grandmothers. They are not raised to understand good parenting.

Some of the children I work with have one or two positive role models in their lives. They are the luckiest of the lot. They are like A.

Perhaps your son could suggest counceling for your SIL. Maybe marriage or family counseling. At the very least, maybe your son would go to counseling on his own.

I don't know if even you know, if you want to raise A or if your son is ready to raise her on his own. My gut tells me that day will come, when a decision like that must be made. Please consider all the alternatives in advance.

I don't know, I think I am simply rambling. Maybe something here, in my attempt at being impartial, will help.

EW, I don't have anything to suggest but want you to know I have been following your posts.. Grandchildren are precious and our control(for lack of a better word) is so limited at times. Thank God you are involved to know and see what is going on. I feel your pain.

The one good thing is A is starting school which will give her time away from her selfish mother, having kids her own age to play with is a good thing.

Edelweiss, I've been following your latest saga and agree with all that's been said. I, too, believe it's just a matter of time before the dil bolts. I do hope, like others, that your son is not only taking good notes but keeping a very, very close eye on your beautiful Anaiya. Things will surely come to a head and I know you're prepared. Consider all angles. I'm rooting for you!

Hi gals.

I just got the answer from my son. They don’t want me to see A for who knows when; Thanksgiving, maybe Christmas? I don’t know. He also doesn’t want me to phone and talk to her, because she cries non- stop afterwards every time.

Once again I suggested that we should do the transition slowly, It may not be too late. He didn’t want to hear any of it, and accused me of trying to take control just because I miss her. This is my DIL talking through his mouth.

Anno, my dear friend, you suggested my son and DIL get family counselling. They are too arrogant for that. Never in the world would they admit they need help, or may be doing this all wrong. You are so right about considering the alternatives. But nothing is in our hands anymore. I really don’t hope that the DIL bolts, like ladyjane said, ( Hi ladyjane,…so good to see you around again.), but chick knows too…our ‘control’ is so limited.

Your right chatty, the Kindergarden is the best thing for her, and she loves it. She cries when her mother wants to pick her up.

As for me, I am feeling stronger about this whole thing, and don’t need those anti-depressant drops anymore. Jeez, they made me so tired. So life goes on, la la la…and I want to start delving into my books. Can’t wait!

Love and hugs to all of you…..
(((((((((( my dear Boomer friends))))))))))

Edelweiss, the one thing to remember here is that many of the women here have suffered through horrific childhoods and have come through as normal as possible. They may have some bad memories but hopefully newer, happier mamories will cloud the bad ones. A, has you and always will have you and she is luckier than most. I will keep her in my prayers and you as well, and yes get to that book, the world needs to read it and see your genius...

And, according to all I know about early childhood, she has bonded with someone that loves her deeply. Even if it was not her mom, she felt love and she gave love. If it should ever happen that she does not remember you by the next time she sees you, she will always know that bond. It will do her well in life.

I agree Anno
All love showered on a little one is absorbed.Working with school starters just letting them feel secure and familar stood them in good stead.Formal learning came later.
Like a home built on good foundations a child will cope.And the time EW you have spent is so valuable.
Mountain ash

Hej E! I´ve read thru all the posts..and I can´t help but feel for you so much! The longing..the quiet..the stillness..and everything that is behind it at the moment.

Maybe you should delve in your books, sweetheart..because I still think that this is far from the end of the story. It´s all to erratic..unstable..everything that is coming from your son´s home. I think there are big problems brewing there..behind the closed doors..and when they erupt..they will be calling for you again..Analaya will be calling for you. And it will be up to you and your husband to decide what is right for the 2 of you and Analaya.

So..relax..breathe out..breathe in..slowly..fully..because your time will come again. All the signs are there..don´t you think?

Lots of angel hugs to you all!