Hi all,

I am new to this site and posting for the first time. I find this subject very interesting. I was married to psychopath who was physically abusive and we got divorced in 1988. It was scary as he threatened to kill me and in fact lost his firearm license.

What gave me a measure of confidence to leave him was the fact that I had learnt to be very good with money and knew how to make it.

My experiences actually caused me to become a financial planner in my second career with a passion for working with women in transition because being smart with money is terribly empowering!

I am now happily remarried (6 years) after 15 years of being unmarried. What helped me choose my husband was a very good quote given to me by a woman 8 years ago. She said "Marry the life you want to lead". That stuck with me and helped me.

I spent 6 years alone during which time I didn't even date - just focused on discovering my true self. That helped me to know what kind of life and relationship I really wanted. Since I had had so much drama in the past with men, I wanted peace, harmony, fun, a best friend and plenty of personal space. I also wanted a man who handled his own finances well as I knew how much strife finances cause in relationships. I was not willing to settle for less.

I was visiting friends in the US (I had grown up in South Africa)and decided to do a free online dating trial. I met my husband almost immediately and we started talking on the phone for 5 weeks before meeting in person. We just clicked and have been together ever since. I have everything on my list in this marriage.

I believe that because I KNEW what I wanted, I attracted the right man for me. It all starts with knowing ourselves first however and that takes growth and pain.