[quote=Doris]Hi,

I have all my ducks in a row now but I've had a real dramatic soap-opera-like life emotionally in the past.

Ah...you are speaking for me also, Doris! My experiences have been so bad, that I experience what might be described as a mild form of PTSD, waking abruptly in the nights to memories of some of the stuff I've allowed to happen.

Being financially independent as a single woman is a great thing, but it can also be an area of attraction for predators, and you must be careful. I actually almost lost everything thru a couple of relationships. I will probably never recover all that I have lost, but I am secure and comfortable with a good job, nice little house, and now content to be solo rather than risking more loss! Perhaps that is why I feel my "must haves" are for self-care rather than hoping they will be met by a man.
Love
Patty

I think that we all need to learn things the hard way because we surely don't learn the easy way, do we? And some people NEVER learn!I don't really think there are mistakes -- only lessons. It's only a mistake if you don't learn the lesson.

To 'keyholes' I want to say that since most of us don't listen to people's advice and only learn through pain, all is not lost with your daughter. At some stage she will probably reach that point where she is ready to listen and learn. As long as she can still avoid it by using one man after another as her quick fix, she's not ready. One of my friends only started waking up at the age of 46, I luckily woke up at 32 and others even later in life.

To Patty I want to say -- don't be hard on yourself and don't have regrets. Whatever you have done in the past brought you to where you are now and made you the person you are today. As for the financial side, make sure that you keep your finances in your own name and don't even let any new man know what you have. Downplay it.

I have come to look at a relationship as a two-sided thing. One emotional and the other something like a business partnership. By negotiating the non-emotional things like how to manage the finances, dividing the chores etc and making it a written agreement, you take away the nitty gritty things that can cause disagreements and can enjoy each other emotionally. I know that many women think this takes the romance out of things, but think about the areas that caused your problems in the past and weren't they usually the non-emotional things that weren't defined ahead of time - didn't most of us think that "love will fix everything, find a way and heal all hurts"?

I am so happy to be at a mature age now!
Love
Doris

+1. I totally agree with this.

Cyclinggal, I'm sorry that he just didn't seem to be the right guy for you. If a potential partner is that confusing after knowing them for awhile..goodbye is probably the most healing thing for both of you. I guess if I was in your shoes, if I knew he was on dating online sites under different disguises, I would drop him immediately. I'm that sort of woman, ...I find it hard to date a guy when I know he's dating others.

Life is short. And time presses forward, not backward.

After reading these stories of opportunistic men, it makes me seriously wonder if I would ever be interested in a comfortable way, with another guy with the right stuff for me if I should outlive my partner.

I aim for a peace of mind in my old frail age. And if it's gonna be myself, so what. I've been there before until...I was 31 before I met my present sweetie.

Hi Orchid -- did a great 40-mile ride today and came home so contented. The weather here is in the mid to high 70's, with low humidity. A beautiful fall day.

You are right - if a guy is this confusing, it is not going to be for me. And, although we never "dated", just to see that he is on three dating websites where he has lied about his age, I know this man does not have the character I want in a partner. So, again, I am grateful that I never became involved with him. Thanks for your comments.

Sounds similar to weather up here in Vancouver, BC. today. I did 55 kms. which is abit less than you. Included our weekend grocery shopping at market. Then after dropping off our fresh whole fish, we cycled off to our favourite Japanese supermarket and bought their freshly made sushi, sashimi and miso soup for a big lunch.

Cyclinggal in our region there is a cycling group that does long rides ie. trips of several hundred kms. each year. Alot of the participants are older..ie. early 50's up to 70's. Do you have such a group in your area? Cycling is taken up by many folks in their mid years and onward.

My partner has gone on 2 different rides himself with the group. There were women in your age bracket there. I'll try to find the group's website. I still work..he was retired for a few happy years..but now semi-retired, starting up his own business at 65 yrs. I truly think he's abit nuts but it is his passion and an extension of his many years of cycling advocacy. On planning cycling facilities for various organizations, primarily govn't.

Here is the cycling group that i was referring to:

http://www.cccts.org/

http://www.cccts.org/photos/BigSky2007/page_4.html The woman seated on the extreme right in light green T-shirt. I know her personally. She is 69 in that photo..an effective cycling advocate of many years in the Vancouver trip. She did cycle in Germany and Denmark for several hundred kms. about 1 year prior.

The people in this photo ..are mostly seniors. And probably just as strong as myself or even stronger in cycling distances.

For your next trip planning. My partner knows Dan McGuire, the guy who organizes these rides.


In my opinion, I find it easier to socialize with the guys who are regular cyclists in my age bracket and up. Most of the guys I know in cycling circles don't engage in much (or any) drinking, drugs and don't smoke anymore for many years. Cycling also reduces alot of personal angst as you know.

Orchid - thanks so much for the web link on the Canada tours. Wat a beautiful area of the world you live in. I have a friend in Seattle that I will be visiting sometime next year, and hopefully I will get to see a little of your part of the world.

I do not know of any groups that do long-distance touring, but I know there must be some in the United States. I have always wanted to do a bike-barge tour in Europe where they put you and your bike on a barge and you go from town to town and cycle, and then sleep on the barge at night. A friend of mine did this in the Netherlands and loved it. But, they are quite expensive.