I sit here on my computer, effortlessly keeping my emotions in check. I received a call about an hour ago. It was one of my siblings, calling to give me the information that my dad is non-responsive. I don't know how many of you have been taking mental notes on me, my family and the B/S that has been going on... and, esp. how hurt I've been through and by it all.
Just let me say, because my heart has hardened, I'm numb (non-responsive, too, in a living way).... but, I'm expecting it to break loose. I will need you when, AND IF, it does. I know you will be there.
Maybe me writing this is my way of dealing... letting the universe know, by sharing with you, how much I don't care - out of my position of despair, being hurt, lack of empathy, hey, and disconnect - that's what I've done, disconnected from family. I am that - alone... a horrible place to be when your father is dying.

Oh, Gims, I am so sorry. It sounds as if you are feeling a little guilty that you're not feeling anything. I know I did when my Mom died. Mostly what I felt was relief. I cared for her for the several years that she lived here before she died and was told I wasn't compassionate, by her, because I didn't commiserate with her 'poor me' attitude. Your feelings, or non feelings, are what they are - there is no right or wrong. There may come a time when you do feel grief, or sadness, or anger, and that's fine. If you don't, that's fine, too. Either way, you know we are all here for you.

Gims, sent you a PM and meant every word...I am here too, whenever you need a friend.

Gims, I am sorry to hear of what you are going through. I think it does help in some way to share our feelings here.

Gims, my heart's with you tonight...there's so much I wish I could articulate, but what it amounts to is that we're here for you. You KNOW that I/we care deeply for/with you...hang on to us, lean against our love. And keep breathing, my sister, keep breathing...breathe in our love, breathe out whatever needs to be out...breathe in our strength, breathe out...

Gims, I don't have any brilliant advice but you know we're here for you.

Gims, I have you in my thoughts and prayers.

Gims, I, too, am here for you whenever you need me. You have the complete right to whatever you are feeling, so just feel what you feel.

My heart is with you, and so is my love.

Gims
people respond to life events in varied ways and all are ok.
So glad you turned to this place where we all care how you are.
"This to shall pass"...take care of yourself.
Mountain ash

Gims, I agree with Mountain Ash. We all feel and greive in the same way. I suspect I will feel relief when my parents pass, they did not raise me. Whatever you feel, when you feel it, is "right."
Best and I'm sorry for your pain,
Dancer