(((Lani))),
I'm afraid of the same happening with my Mother. They were married 61 years and she is feeling lost. And to top it off, she's about 80% deaf---she's got a hearing aid in one ear (& is having nothing but trouble with it), but the other ear is completely dead, nothing can help it. Dad use to be her ears. She use to be Dad's eyes since he went blind 7 years ago. She's feeling like half a person right now, and missing him terribly.
So, we're dealing with this right now. Had more hearing tests, but nothing they can do. I've gotten more doorbell hookups throughout her house and amplifiers for the phones.
She doesn't want to leave their home, but she's also scared living alone there and not being able to hear. Well, we're working on this problem. It's hard for Mom to be even a little bit social, even the hospice bereavement group was a bust cuz she just couldn't hear.

As for me, Completely lost it at work the other day.
A man on my route asked me how my Dad was doing. I deliver mail and there's a few retired couples I've gotten real close to over the years & they notice when I don't work, and ask.---well, I just busted out bawling. He was so nice, and we had a real good talk. Really helped. I just can't talk about Dad yet and hold it together at all. It just seems unbelievable that he's gone.

My heart goes out to all who have had to say good-bye to their parents. It's such a hard thing. But, you're absolutely right about one thing, too---
I will toast him with my first cup of morning coffee.
I think that is a nice tribute to him.
Thank you ladies for listening and for understanding.

morningglory, so neat to hear that you're a mailwoman. I've loved our mail man through the years. We always have good ones. I bet you're great at what you do.

Lani, sorry to hear about losing both parents so quickly. You often hear about long married, and in love couple dying so close to one another. I think that's a blessing for them - maybe not for the ones left behind.

Morning, it sounds like you come from such a loving, supportive family. That alone is a blessing. Also, the fact that you live so close and can all be there for one another is great. I know it's hard. I lost Mom in 2001 so I know what it's like to lose a parent. Staying close to Dad and my sibs really helps. DO you have siblings in town?

Those of us that had good, kind, loving and wonderful fathers
know how you feel. I lost my adoptive dad in '86 and I still
miss him so much. My adoptive mom died in '93 and I miss her
so much, too. Some things you never get over but learn to live with. Think of the good times. And remember, as jawjaw said, one of these days we'll all join those that have gone on before. Believe me, we understand! Glad you were able to share your feelings.

The #156606 posted comments were directed to all previous
participants of this [LOSS] thread. I see others have lost loved ones and I didn't intentionally address morningglory only. Death is a difficult thing for humans to wrap their brains around. I believe it has to be approached from a spiritual standpoint, otherwise it's unapproachable.

Wanted to thank you all for your understanding and kind words.

Been almost 2 months now, and I think I'm not much better. In some ways yes, and some ways no. So worried about Mom. I hear what Lani has said here, and that is a concern with me, Mom is feeling like she's half there. She is having such a hard time, becuz they were hot-wired together as well. My heart goes out to you, Lani. And to all who have lost parents.

My Dad was such a big part of my day, especially in the last 3 years, going thru Mom's heart by-pass, and then Dad's cancer. I've been with them most all their dr. appt., and what all. Trying to help with all I could.
Just miss Dad so much. His calmness, his humor. Seems like now it's really hitting me hard, I'm finally taking some time to let it, instead of spending all my time consoling Mom.

I wonder---
well, will start another topic post on this question.

Morning Glory, grief takes us down a long and jagged road. You're in caring company here....lots of companionship-along-the-way. My heart aches with yours.

Morninglory, just saw this post. So sorry for your loss. I am still grieving and it's coming up to a year. I am in the unreal stage still, but not as bad.

The coffee visits are something many of us share. I took my Dad out every Friday for the past 12 years. We had such a fun time and great talks. He was my best friend (tears starting)
We had a few favorite coffee spots and I can't even walk past them, avoid them actually. I also avoid the emergency ward. One day a couple of weeks ago my son was in the emergency ward and was in the bed right beside the bed my Dad died in. When I walked in there was a man in bed with his wife beside him, not long before it could have been my parents. It was horrible in one way to re-live it but also I saw that I was not alone in this. I understood what this couple was going through. We all have to deal with this, we are not alone in our grief.

One thing I really hold on to, is that we had a wonderful connection. I feel really terrible for those people, my brother included that didn't have the close connection that I did. It is such a special gift. My Dad lives on in my memories. I know he is with me in spirit. Some days this kind of thinking helps, other days nothing works and I just cry as I miss him so much because I want to see him again.

My brother told me that when my Dad's parents died he would stay up at night listening to tapes of them talking. My Dad was from Europe and came to Canada for a visit but stayed and married my Mom. He used to write to his parents every day and often sent tapes back and forth. Back then it was reel to reel. I didn't remember but my brother did and told me at night he would often hear my Dad downstairs crying. He was listening to the tapes his parents sent to him.

I can so relate to my Dad and his grief. And now it is my turn.
I hope this helps you in some small way. We are all in this together and one day we will see them again. This I believe to be true.
Kate

To all of you who have lost a parent or parents, I send my condolences. I lost both of my parents, dad 8 years ago, mom 2. What I have come to realize is that it is possible to feel like an orphan at 50. Funny as it sounds, that's what I characterize some of the experiences and sensations of post mom and daddy life. When times are tough, i sort of flop around thinking oh if only daddy were here, he'd know how to make me feel better. Or if only mom were here, she'd wrap me in her arms and let me cry myself out. But believe me when I tell you, they may be physically gone from us, but they are just a breath away. Tune in to their spirits and you'll find them there. Not as good as having a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on, but sometimes I swear, I get a whiff of mom's lavender soap or dad's aqua velva.....when I see a mating pair of cardinals land on my fence, whistling their distinctive cries, I know mom and dad have stopped by to let me know they are near. Tap into the spirit of the ones you have lost and you'll find their love still there, burning bright. God Bless and keep you.

It's possible to feel like an orphan at age 89. I heard a lady that age recently say, "Wish dad was here". I'm older than
50 and feel, actually was and still do feel like an orphan sometimes.

Kathryn, great post. I am not an orphan at this stage of the game, but have lost Mom. I totally agree about her being a breath away. I just hope I'm as brave and strong when I lose Dad. I can't quite imagine life without him. Sorry for your losses.