All of our four children were traveling at the same time. This was the first time me and my husband were home by ourselves. It was weird but nice the first day, sad the next and impossible to bare each day there after.

One of our daughters comes home tomorrow, I'm so excited I can't sleep.

This was my first experience with the empty next, and I can honestly say I hated it.

I have always known that being without some family in the house was NOT my idea of a good time... Therefore, I continued to have children WELL into my 40s, lol! The age gap in my 4 is from 26 to seven (!), so by the time my youngest graduates from high school, I SHOULD have a grandchild or two... At first, my friends thought I was NUTS to keep having these babies, but now that they are "empty-nesters" - and sad, also I might add - they are actually envious of my bustling, happy household. It's not that I don't have my OWN life: I am a free-lance writer, I teach Zumba dance fitness and travel continuously with AND without my "attachments", but when I am home, there's such a comfort in my kids being around. I know some people may cherish the "aloneness", but that is NOT me! Enjoy your daughter !!!

This is an interesting post for me because I have mixed emotions about my kids flying the coop. As long as they're doing well and I can correspond with them often, and see them often, I'm totally cool with it. We raised them to be independent and so now they are. WAH! And this is coming from a woman who was a stay at home mom and revelled in it. I totally embraced the whole being a mom thing, as my husband embraced being a dad -active and always around and supportive.

Now, I'm pretty much watching from a distance and totally enjoying that too.

Since both of you are totally new to the site and may not know this, our oldest son graduated from college last year, lived home for a year to save money, and just settled on a house a week or so ago. He moved everything out of his room last weekend- everything. Now we have an empty room and instead of going in there and crying, I go in and feel so happy for him. Odd, isn't it? But this is because he is living in the city, only a couple blocks from my husband's office so I know we'll see him often. In fact, he's invited us to a party at his home this weekend and I'm tickled. We'll go and hango ut a bit, but then leave and let him and his freinds carry on.

Our youngest just graduated college and moved to the Big Apple the weekend before and he just turned 20 this week. He's a camera man at the UN building. Do I miss him? You bet I do. Does walking in hs room make me a bit sad - yes, but I'm happy for him because he's where he wants to be.

Our daughter leaves for college in a couple weeks. Fortunately, she's not far away either so I get to see her fairly often. Thank God.

So after having all three here for maybe a month this summer, they will all be gone in a couple weeks.

I'm so grateful for email, text messaging, cell phones (we're all on the same plan), etc. It makes the distance so much shorter. Don't you think? I'm also thankful for my husband and my relationship, my extended family, friends, and my work becasue this is what I need to focus on now that the kids are gone.

Fab, how old are your kids? How long before the empty nest? I recommend preparing now. I recall thinking about it and fretting, honestly fretting becasue I would be without my passion and my job. But then I launched BWS and NABBW and have a passion outside of my family - which I think they also appreciate because I'm sure I could have been an overbearing mom from a distance. Perhaps I still am at times - ha!

bella, how many children do you have? I admire you for having a big family. I think big families rock. Sometimes I wish we had another one, but it's too late now. Good for you for having so many outside interests. It's got to help keep you sane.

Bella reminds me of me when my 2nd/last {our baby now 27y/o} started kindergarten. our other son was in 2nd grade then & I wanted another baby so bad it hurt. Having c-sections & a tubal back in the early 80's recostructive surgery was new & my husband was against more kids or adoption. So, after about 5 years i gave up on another baby. Fast forward to our empty nest in 1999. It hit me like a ton of bricks, I was miserable & went through a lot of problems associated with depression etc. I adapted & now I love my empty nest even more when my husband's out too! I'm actually starved for alone time now. AND I'm not sad at all, i'm proud of the job we've done raising our kids andseeing them grown and productive is more of the reward at the end of the era for me. Not something to make me sad. My boys & one DIL live just over an hour from us. ANd I am always telling them day visits are fine, you don't have to wait till you can make a weekend out of it. In fact I'd just as soon they come in, visit, eat & go home to roost. When our youngest got married this spring, again I faced another seperation issue. They bought a house 6 miles from her Mom and added another 15 minutes distance from our home to his. I got over that too, I've decided to follow the lead of a friend of mine as far as future grandarenting goes. Be the REAL grandma that loves play time, messes without fuss, all fun! VS the close by granny that babysits daily, becomes a near 2nd mom that has to be bossy and serious. Some women are just geared to a lifetime of motherhood, I commend them. But, I was like Dotsie and a FT SAH Mom, loved every minute of it, it was my life. Now, after serious health issues and coming out the other side fine and dandy..I'm more than ready to explore my own life as simply me most of the time with an occasional Dose of Motherhood among grown kids. I look forward to Grands, but do not want to become the handy drop point everytime my kids need a sitter. No doubt my DIL's mom will be happy to quit her job and be paid Dearly to be a 2nd mommy. But, I don't see her giving up her weekends or vacations to grandparenting. Flexibility, is key, learn to roll with life's punches..when your nest emptys a room, make something out of it! i took over our guest room as my personal private "hangout", since empty nesting left both our son's rooms available for company, in addition to a fold out in the den..who needs more company than that accomidates? LOL
Dotsie has a good poit w/ all the means of communication distance isn't such an issue any more. However living close enough to my kids to see them in an hour+ drive, if I get HUG Hungry, I call, set up a time and take the clan out for dinner or something.
FAb, be gentle with yourself, it's a drastic adjustment, sometimes it rips out your heart just to see them drive away, but the excitement you feel about visits is so Neat. You'll adapt in due time. Be patient with yourself and the family, this is new to everyone..you , hubby & the newly flown off spring.

I don't know Q Ball and Bella, because mine have been out, married and have their own kids and I still pine for them and having them around me, ALL the time!! I am still waiting for that sad feeling to go away after 46 years have passed. I feel like the kid in the back seat of the car saying, "are we there yet?"

Ah Chatty, it would be so nice if your kids could read this. It's really sweet. For some my joy of empty nest freedom may be difficult to understand. To begin with my parents required me to be grown up at 10..In many ways shoving me into the role of being their keepers. Hard to believe but it's so true due to their divorce and bad habits. They were 1st to admit, I raised them more than they did me. I threw myself so totally into my sons growing up, w/ all their overlapping activities, providing them with (looking back) too many options as far as attention, activities and "toys" Little & BIG boy. LOL If something didn't revolve around my parents or children I didn't take time to do it. So, now with my folks gone and kids grown, I'm taking time to do me stuff..the near death moments I had in 05 have put urgeny on my catching up w/ put off experiences for me. I even love working outside the home.

Well Q Ball, it sounds like your time has come. Enjoy it all!

Thanks Chatty,
I am enjoyig all, however today my pleasure is going to see my boys, after my labs. How funny is that?, actually the garden over flows and my boys are going to get fresh produce delivered by Mom.
We'll do lunch, see what the newlyweds have done around their new home & I'll flutter off to finish my day puttering around - I really need a Home Depot fix. I'm in the mood for a new home project.

Q Ball, that sounds like fun. I just finished a project in my home where I put NO GLARE stuff on my window in the kitchen. You can see out clearly but no one can see in and it cuts the suns glare/heat too. It was suppose to be a huge project covering 8 large double windows but I had so much trouble with the small kitchen window and made so many mistakes, the stuff is really hard to work, its sticks to itself like Saran Wrap, and alas it is at least a two person job. One to cut, one to hold etc...

Long story short, one small window ended up costing me $75.00, so I gave up. The other windows will have to remain glarry!!!

LOL Poor Chatty, that sounds so much like things I get into. Our intentions are the very best. All I got done at home depot was looking again & bringing home some info on my project. Did accomplish one project, I purchased a free standing Chrome {he's a motorcycle guy so he loves chrome), on SALE, TP holder magazine
rack for DH's bathroom. All he has to do now is Slide the empty TP tube off the end of the bar and slide the new roll on. LOL Now, he's not stressed with the rocket science of the spring loaded TP bar between two stationary points. At some point the man must have been tramatized by a standard TP holder, like one flew off and almost put his eye out or something? Because he can not seem to change the paper. I did place a book he's intended to read for months in the magazine rack portion & taught him to retrieve & replace it and showed him how to safely remove the empty cardboard tube & replace it with a new roll of TP. While avoiding bodily harm or trama. I really feel like he caught on quickly for no more training than he's had.

I can see the toilet paper stacked on the floor now!

It's working, while cleaning this morning, I found evidence that MAN has the ability to change TP rolls IF we give them simple enough devices for a TP holder. There in the trash was a empty tube and on the holder a new roll! Tears of JOY sprang forth, either that or the Tidy Bowl scrubbing bubbles got to me? How wonderful to come to a time in life when even the smallest wonders bring such Happiness. ANd to think he didn't even come running to ask for a Gold Star to be placed on his chart. Whata Guy. Now don't envy me Y'all, this type training takes time..really, I've waited on this for 30 years.

Q, you are cracking me up, here!

My children have been gone for about 18 years and I still miss them. I just had 3 weeks of company from the UK and I am in withdrawal from having people around. I am trying to focus on new and exciting things to do!

LOL Hey Cookie,
I sympathize too with the bird bath syndrome. No doubt a Woman invented the single bar slider TP holder.

mecindy,
sorry you're feeling withdrawals from company. I've experienced that, it's not pleasant. Try to focus on the fact that everyone's healthy and able to come and go, that funds were available for the trip, that your family wants to see each other..etc.. I used to and still do occasionally write my kids a letter or e-mail just after they leave while the Missing You is so raw and fresh. yeah, that can get a bit on the sappy side, but once in a while it's good to spill those motherly beans & let the youngin's know they are Mom's babies. In spite of age.

Q-ball, waayyy too funny!

El Hubbo will announce, "WE need to change the toilet paper." (at least he notices it needs changing...) This is a 2-person job?? (Q: How many married people does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A: a woman. OK, you heard that one before.)

So I'll say, "Why don't you do it, since you're the one who finished the last roll?" And he'll say, "I don't know where you keep it."

EARTH TO HUSBAND! EARTH TO HUSBAND! We've lived here since 1981 and the toilet paper is always in the same place.

Oh goodness, I'm rolling on the floor with laughter. And, I must admit my sweetie actually does change the TP on a regular basis so I guess I'm lucky some else trained him!

On the other hand, I swear he is no older than 3 at times...when he comes at me with "that look" I know I'd better cough up an "atta boy" for something!

What cracks me up is he has become a neat freak now that we're married. We actually had a DEBATE (like it is worth the energy..tee hee) about who is neater. Of course, I thought *should* win because I am, after all, the woman of the family. Truth be told, however, he has developed this "everything in its place" mentality that definitely wasn't there when we were dating! Honestly, I could go for a weekend visit (he lived over an hour away and we only saw each other on weekends) and *every* dish he had used for the week would be on the counter, every piece of mail would be covering every surface of the apartment, and you couldn't see anything that would reak of neat freak!

Now that we're in the same house, I can't begin to count the number of times he has said "is that where that goes?". The cat's meow was when I pulled my wallet out of my purse to look for something he wanted...walked away to look for it elsewhere...and had the unmitigated gall to leave the wallet sitting on the table. My goodness, you would have thought I had just cut off a vital body part! Giggle....

This is just too funny. Just yesterday, hubby and I were in the upstairs bathroom discussing what new colour to paint the walls. I noticed that the roll of TP needed changing and mentioned it (while changing the roll myself) only because he usually brings up extra rolls to store in the linen closet. His response was the same one he's used for almost 20 years, "Oh I shouldn't have to change the roll because I never use toilet paper, I use Kleenix."

My hubby loves to cook, wash dishes, do the laundry; he irons, scrubs the bathroom tub and sinks, feeds the birds, vaccuums, does EVERYTHING else around the house - but refuses to change the roll of TP. I don't mind doing it, and his adament avoidance doesn't bother me, it just puzzles me.

Mine sits on the counter in both bathrooms. I find it so easy to change those. If company is coming, I will fill the rolls.

Won't accept roses as an apology. I had a mate who gave me more roses than anyone I know. Right gesture, wrong timing.

gims, I'll betcha that if we could hear men sitting around and letting out their pet peeves about their wives....well, would we really be surprised?? I bet we could guess.....mine would actually say that I require too much sleep?!?! Ughhhh....maybe it's good we can't hear.

I'd say sports would be a topic.

I'd say me not cooking would be a topic.

My husband and I have talked about this, and he says they really don't sit around talking about their wives. They just drink beer, watch sports, and live in the moment. I believe it... they just don't think about/worry about as much stuff as we do.

K

Dolphin, I really think you are right. My ex was the same way, and the SO is too. With the SO, Dan...he goes to the VFW, does his thing (programs the marquee for upcoming events), shoots the wind and yaps with his pals, has a couple of beers, goes home. End of story, nothing exciting. If asked "well what did you and Ben (or whoever) talk about?" the answer is usually: motorcycles, compare who drinks what beer, who hit that homerun or some nonsense about the upcoming Ohio State football season. That's it!!

Guys I think do live incredibly in the moment. They just don't have that "worry" factor we do about relationships and who's doing what!

Maybe we need to take a lessonf rom then, but then how would things ever get done?

I'm laughing aobut the toilet paper. Since my daughter's been home, she's been changing it. She got in the habit of using our bathroom while both boys were here. She didn't like sharing a bathroom with them, so I got the toilet papre changer until she goes back to school. Then it's my job again.

My DH & his buddies are together almost daily & they talk about their wood cutting for self & neighbors in need or gardens..literally, The primary 3 have several gardens scattered around over the area. some are helping older folks out & some are for our families use & neighborly sharing + donation to a Boys Ranch. Complaints my husband would have are I shop and baby my 54 pound puppy too much. However if any wife finds a good deal on something, we'd better call in to see if the other families want us to pickup a bargain for them too. Our men actually brag on the wives' bargains & Swap recipes for US to cook.
Back to bath issues, at one point early on I tried reverse bathroom etiquite on my DH. For a few weeks I actually 'Raised the Seat' when I left the master Bath, point being as I told him, It's was as easy for me to raise the seat as it would be for him to lower it, so I would be the one with the responsibility of seat placement..What a deal he thought - until one early AM 'call' & he FELL IN behind first! For one of us it was magically histerical!! Now that the kid's have moved out I took over their bath since it's right across the hall from my office and he has the master bath. Boy did I take over, it's painted a deep dusty rose w/ polished brass fixtures, a lace shower curtain & plush southwestern rugs. Along with other accessories that Scream, Put the Seat down a lady controls this room. The boys think it's awesome, since their, respective GF & wife also use it. BY evolution those boys DO lower the seat & change the TP rolls. I'm so proud.

I'm just reading this clever post. I love your thought process regarding the toilet seat. What a hoot.

Whenever we discuss the man and woman thing..my partner always brings up the fact that I don´t change the tires from summer to winter ones or visa versa. And I always answer that I could get them done..I would HAVE them done at the local garage..for just 100Skr or some homebaked pie or something equaly as good for their coffee break at the garage. That´s how I managed it on my own before..

Fun reading all the posts here... gave up on TP long ago. We have 2 holders for TP rolls in our smallish bathroom. And that works for me/us

I´ve had kids around..my own..for about 40 yrs..and I have 4 grandkids..3 of which live very near me. And now my last child has left for the US to study..and it´s empty. Very very empty. So that time comes to us all..or so I think now..at some point. And it ain´t easy AT ALL. BUT I am enjoying not having to cook in the same way as before..and there´s not that much laundry to do now..not much at all. AND my food bills are more than half of what they were when my son lived with us. He left only 1 week and half ago..so I am still in grief. But I am starting to see some twinkling lights in the tunnel...