Dee, that's so sad! I'm sorry that you must deal with this all because one induvidual cannot take thier medication and take responsibility for their actions! How unfair to you, your husband and your MIL!

There is no way your MIL will ever press charges? Will the Adult protection people step in ANY time, under ANY circumstances?

Again, you are not deserving of such a burden and I will keep you in my thoughts to be sure.

Please keep us updated as to how you are, ok?

Many warm regards,
D9

Dancer...thank you for your concern and your words of support. No, unfortunately, my MIL will not press charges probably unless she's really hurt by Robin. The Adult protective services won't step in unless she's willing to say something, which she isn't.
We can complain to them all day long but without her confirming anything is happening, it's our word against MIL's and Robin's. If it was MY Mother I would do things entirely differently, you know? Or at least try.
Keep praying for this family...it's so much appreciated.

Warm regards back at you, Dancer

Dee, as long as her mom is around, she will continue to live this life. Unfortuantely, one day Mom will be gone and then whose responsibility is she? Frightening thought... I'm sure her mom is just showing love to her daughter - in her mind.

Yes, it is a frightening thought...but, the family members who are NOT enablers say that Robin will be where she should be now...in a place where she cannot manipulate, hurt, use drugs and will be required to take her medicine for her mental illness.
Seeing what this family has to go through, it makes me even more grateful that my own children are normal, healthy, drug/alcohol free, productive men. My heart does ache for the pain this family goes through...I'm not cold hearted. But, I'm also not afraid to take a stand to protect my home and husband, either. It's the right thing to do.
And yes, Dotsie, I'm sure my MIL is doing all this out of love...and despite everything that her daughter has done, she's doing it to protect her...I guess she sees it as if Robin is using drugs in her house then it's better than her being on a street corner or in an ally somewhere...I mean she gives her money knowing what she's going to do with it. She thinks she's helping her...
I just don't understand it...

Good grief Dee, this mother and daugthter are both in need of a serious INTERVENTION.

You have no idea what goes on between my MIL and Robin...it's really bad. The counselor tried telling my MIL that she's helping to kill her daughter by enabling her...didn't make a dent in MIL's mind...she's worse about protecting Robin than ever before. Intervention wouldn't work...I truly believe that my MIL would walk away from her normal kids first to protect Robin versus the other way around.

Dee, I read this with a heavy heart. I understand what's going on. I lived it to an extent with my ex. Your SIL is really taking advantage of your MIL and your MIL thinks she's "helping." It's called co-dependency. I've seen it, I've lived it, it's such a sick cycle. My ex hooked up with a woman who fed this cycle, it's why I set such strong boundaries with him and really have nothing to do with him now. It's truly something that can't be really "understood." Just not a normal, healthy, parent-adult child relationship there.

What helped me was to read a lot of Melanie Beatty's, Pia Mellody's and Patrick Carne's books.

My dad was an alcoholic. My mom had an intervention with him many many years ago (back in the 80s...maybe 3 or 4 years before he died). It worked to some extent, in that my dad was very much a "family" person and did acknowledge he drank too much, he went through the program fairly successfully, but not early enough. He ended up dying of a stroke a few years later due to all of the havoc the alcohol did to his body. But some addicts are so overpowered by the drug/behavior of their choice and are so conniving they will do anything to maintain that life. Sad sad sad.

It's so hard on loved ones. You really are doing the right thing. Larry must be heartbroken. Has he talked or is willing to talk to anyone about this--like a counselor? Just to reassure him that he is doing the best thing he can?

I wish I had words of wisdom, but have none. All I can do is send some virtual hugs. Stuff like this sucks.

Key...I'm sorry to hear that you also went through a situation like this...unless you go through it, it's really hard to understand. You sound like a really strong woman and find out as much as one can about things that are causing problems is a good way to start understanding them and changing things within yourself.

Larry's mom called me tonight...I have purposely stayed away waiting for her to make the first move to me...she knew why I backed away and apologized. We then had a heart-to-heart discussion about Robin and the consequences of the bed Robin's made for herself. It amazed me about how no matter what I said she eventually went back to defending Robin. I reminded her of Robin's theft, lying, unsavory friends and the drug use and that the line is drawn at our driveway and she needs to respect that. She said she realized that and apologized. I tried to talk to her about the control Robin has over her but like always she just doesn't see it the way everyone else sees it. I truly believe that she's beyond help as much as Robin is beyond help.
Larry is heartbroken but he realizes he lost his sister years ago to the drugs and his parent's unwillingness to be parents when they needed to be towards her.
Key...you have given words of wisdom...as have all the ladies who've responded on this forum...it's sad that anyone has to deal with these types of situations in their own families.
Thanks for the hugs...I feel them all the way from Ohio...and yes stuff like this sucks but what makes it all better are friends like you and BWS. I'd be so lost without all of you.

Dee, although late to this post, my prayers are with you and family, too.

It's difficult to create boundaries when another enables and perpetuates the destructive behavior. I've family members like that and have difficulty w/ boundaries b/c the heart interferes. Recently, I've had to let me nephew go, no more birthday gifts, Christmas, etc. None. (I know my mother will attempt to interfere, but no). Why? He lies, steals, drugs, constant job change over, went through and has nothing to show for his $20K trust fund w/in 90 days, wrecks cars, steals cars, foul language, disrespectful, disappeared for weeks at a time, damaged personal property, made threats, etc. He's only 20 and his mother (my sister, is a horrible parent - which is why only one of her four children live with her). Although not entirely, I do understand your situation. I say no more. I'm cashing in the savings bonds I purchased for him and sharing with my parents (his grandparents of whom he stole money). He's not earned it.

You may need to do the same. Say no. Don't spend a dime nor a thought on her. Don't invite her to your residence. Should you attend a family function where she is a guest, don't acknowledge her. Your MIL has enabled her, it is entirely her problem. Allow th entire burden on her, mayhap she'll 'learn' her mistake?

Being strong last week has allowed your MIL to think and as you keep repeating your bounderies...the dripping tap again.
Simbiotic behaviour as this is gives both parties payoff. But you are being authentic stating your rules.I know its hurting but time will help you and Larry...
Love
Mountain ash