MA's words are full of wisdom, please read them carefully. If I wanted to launch my boat in the waters but saw when I arrived that they were tossing to and fro, I would probably back as far away from the waters as I could and give it up.

If, however, I saw that the waters were calm and inviting, I would probably go forth with my launch.

Maybe over simplified, however, I couldn't help but think that because you have all been slap around with the unpredictable behavior of the mom and the situation in total, then perhaps everyone could use a break from the drama of it all and just sigh. Give in to the heavy sighs, too. Say to yourself, it is what it is. Why? Well, dear friend...you have just had major surgery. Maybe you don't think of it that way, but I can guarantee you this, anytime someone cuts on ME, it's major. And it was your heart. You do NOT need the stress.

So what I'm saying is step back from it all, let it go, and when he arrives just let him do the talking. Be as calm as you can and let him know that your health is important to you and you really need him to work with you on this. That everyone will do as much as they can to help, but he has to sort out his own feelings BEFORE he brings those to your doorstep AND that hostility will not be tolerated. Remind him that what you do is done from love. Love for him, your grandchild, and yourself/hubby. That you give from years of experience as a parent in hopes of helping him, not hurting him. And then say...what can I do to help?

Put the ball back in his court because when he is asked, he will realize that you are ALREADY doing ALL that you can to help. But ask. Make him a part of it all.

I'm still not excusing him from his behavior, but I know that if he were my son, I would be wanting to ease his pain...AND my own. It's what loves does...you know?