EW,
That was sweet. That phone call from your son was heartwarming. Happy stories R so cool. I guess my post was a bit too harsh; sorry about that.
Qball is right! Sometimes family members snap at the people closest 2 them, because they know, they can and all will B forgiven.

EW
last weekend was a turning point for all in your family.
I alway try to see the learning from each issue.
The two hour talk would allow your son to see how seriously the situation is.He would have to process the conclusions.You had your husband and us to to share your feelings with....He was out for the day at golf..trying to cope with a baby and really not on the same page as you were.
Imagine the years to come and all child rearing issues Anniya will bring.It would be ideal if ground rules could be established that good manners be maintained.If not same old... same old will repeat.
Then part of the time is spent in trying to re establish ground rules.

So hugs for son when he comes and positive reinforcment about his parenting..drip drip driping tap..it works in class slowly but its worth trying in a home situation.

Disempowering is destructive and I feel DIL has disempowered
your son.His hopes and dreams.
Often a time of stress allows the redrawing of power and
what is accepted...seems to me you were able to say that its for the love of Anniya that you ask about her and share concerns.
Adopt me if you like EW I feel in need of support often.
Mountaina ash

I agree with you gals about kids tending to abuse parental love, when they are so sure of it.

MA, “drip drip driping tap”? Are you describing giving positive reinforcement. That’s a good description as to how to do it. In other words…not too much…just a little at a time? Yes, DIL has disempowered my son. This was certainly not how he imagined his little family to be.

Sister Mountain Ash…you who give so many of us support, hopefully will seek support for yourself. I pray you do. This forum is the best therapy in the whole world.

And Jabber, your post wasn’t harsh at all. My son was the harsh one.

Eagle Heart, doing a “but-happy-dance” in my chair too!
Thank you everyone for living this through with me.

Dee, I wish we could put some dynamite into those step children’s pants, and make them feel what they are doing to your Hubby.

Here is an excellent article that may help you through this.

http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2006/3695.html

EW
sharing with others one way of approaching things using my own skills helps me in many ways.

Speaking to a kindred spirit is reflecting ones own worth.

My friend who lost her husband and I are on the same wavelength. Having working together (so well and with such rewards for us and the children we were with)we speedily get through issues.We both have children nearly the same age.

Cry together..and laugh too.

The conclusion we came to recently was
communication.

This is a two way street.Listening as well as expressing an opinion.
Mountain ash

EW...thanks for the article...you are always finding ways to reach out to us...you are the sweetest person I know.

I spoke to LW last night. An opportunity presented itself and I took it. We're having a sleep-over Saturday with Larry's son G, DIL M and their two little ones and LW...LW called to see if he could bring something (that was sweet of him to do that). We talked a bit about what he's been doing since he got out of the Navy and after that I just jumped in with both feet and said 'I have a bone to pick with you and your sister.' He chuckled and said, 'what's that.' I was as Motherly as possible with him about how much their silence on Father's day hurt their dad and wondered why they chose to ignore him on such an important day. Then I reminded him that they've done nothing for him for Christmas, his birthday and now Father's day. He listened very maturely while I expressed my feelings about how important these times are and that they have one dad and life isn't certain and missed opportunities...and on and on. He said he wasn't taught (by his mom) that these times were any big deal and that's why he didn't think anything about it. I explained that I was raised differently...that Larry has had 5 years to see and be involved in how much fun all the interacting is and how he misses it with his own children. He seemed to react in a positive way and didn't sound offended (I tried to deliver it in a soft, caring way) because I didn't want to alienate him. That would defeat the purpose. We'll see how he and his sister (if she comes) behaves this weekend and in the future. I realize I'm fighting their lifetime of their Mother never teaching them the importance of their dad...and it shows, big time. To her larry was just the person who worked and provided everything...not one to love and cherish and respect. But, like I've said before, Larry's middle name is doormat and his kids learned how to take advantage of that. Now, instead of me doing the same, I'm trying to get them to see that their dad has feelings and they should matter to them...not use him for their personal gain. It's a long row to hoe but I'm going to try to have some kind of positive influence on this...may never happen, but I'm trying.
As far as me not wanting LW moving in with us after he left active duty, my apprehensions were not unfounded. He told me last night he has applied for unemployment and doesn't want to work. He's hoping by September something comes in with the plumbers union/training...which means he's going to sit on his butt in that one-bedroom apartment with his mom and sister. He told me he was being lazy but why work if he could get paid for doing nothing? (I've never in my life understood this mentality and he certainly doesn't get this from his dad).
Anyway, that's the up-to-date story on the Father's day issue and the LW NOT moving in here issue.
One positive thing I can say about LW...he will listen to me...he may not do a darn thing I suggest, but he will listen. That's something.

Wow Dee, I think your report sounds very positive. And you are right; have to give LW credit for listening. Even if it helps just a teeny bit, that alone is an improvement, and hopefully a first step to getting closer to their father. It’s always good to think it through how to convey a message. You did good girl! And you are pretty sweet yourself!

Funny how we think they may not be listening and then one day, WHAM! What we told them kicks in. It never hurts to tell you side of things...and how you feel. You just never know when the WHAM will hit them. Good job, Dee! You've had your say...at least with him.

They're very lucky to have you as a Stepmom, Dee. It may take time but, because he listens, I think LW will come around.

Good for you DEE... Three cheers for your gumption in mentioning this issue to LW, and maybe he in turn will discuss it with his sister. Miracles can happen with a little push from you!

JJ...let's hope a 'wham' hits him.

Lola...I'm not sure if they feel they're lucky...I've been pretty up front of their dad's mis-treatment by them, but perhaps LW will now come around.

Chatty...I'm praying for a miracle as well. Thanks for all your words of support.