As I read down the posts EW I was forming the same conclusion JJ expressed.He must have his thoughts.
As long as the little one is ok..
but I kinda hope she pees on his golf trousers .At no risk to herself.And a question does Annyia ever say out loud what you are feeling..that would be a double whammy.

"Daddee its hot .wish I was at Granmas. Daddee why did you bring me here to this boring place.Daddee..so glad I am driving up Gramna street."
Mountain ash

I love that, MA - hoping she peed on his pants. LOL

I was thinking pretty much the same as JJ. I am sure he feels some guilt too; guilt that his family isn't intact, guilt that he isn't raising his daughter; guilt that she is happy with the two of you.....

As long as we are talking about ungrateful kids, get this one. My brother, lives in California, has only been home to see mom and dad two times in the past 10 years. He came home for dad's 80th five years ago and for mom's 80th last month. He hadn't been home for 5 years before dad's event. And both times, he managed to eek out about 4 hours with the folks. And he probably won't be back until we bury one of them.

I don't get it. Sure, my parents are not fun, but then neither is my brother! And, sorry, but he is of our generation.

I was so upset by my son's behaviour, that Hubby called him, and told him he better get his act together and apologize to me.

So he hands the phone over to me, and my son says, “Dad wants me to apologize; …but I was insulted that you implied I can’t take care of my own daughter.”

Can you believe it! I simply asked if it is wise to take the daughter to a golf course for 6 hours in a 90 degree heat wave. I told him, that he is purposely trying to misunderstand me, just to justify his horrible behaviour. And if he is apologizing because his father says so, then he needs to do some rethinking.

But you know, I feel better now. He is the one losing out; not me. Should be interesting when he brings Anaiya back on Sunday. When we were on the phone she was screaming “Oma! Oma!” and crying her little heart out in the background. My poor little Anaiya.

Your posts helped me more than you all can know. They truly did! And Mountain Ash, I had to lol at your visual. Hee hee,…I think he was punished enough, because he didn’t get to see his precious golf game. He told his father, Anaiya wanted to run on the green and pick up all the golf balls. But I think JJ and MA, hit the nail on it’s head once again. I think Danny is acting this way because he is angry, and frustrated with his life…and to top it off, he’s jealous of the time we have with his daughter.

Oh Ann, sorry to hear about your brother. What is it with men? JJ, you are so blessed to have two wonderful adult sons. And Dee you are blessed too with your son. Thank God there are exceptions.

Edelweiss...I am SO impressed that your husband went to your defense on this...give him a huge hug from me. Tell your son he should know better than you trying to make him feel bad about raising his daughter...that you are doing everything you can to help him out and that he needs to stop taking his frustration out on you.
Thank you for what you said about my son...believe me, it hasn't always been like this...there's been times I've wanted to pinch both my son's heads off and kick them in the tushie. I think boys want our approval even after they're grown and take any bit of questioning as a sign of them not knowing what they're doing...too defensive, I think. I hope he's learned a lesson...and that is that Mom knows what she's talking about. And you can remind him..."I raised you so I must have been doing something right." Hang in there sweetheart...and tell you husband he did awesome by you.

EW
The united front that Hubby and you present will have given him food for thought.Even if it only hits home when he returns on Sunday. Play that meeting well.
And good the little one wanted to pick up the balls..of course she did (shows how out of touch your son is)and this will reinforce his own insecurity at how "well" he is looking after his daughter.This is sad..because its really Mother who has set this in motion by pursuing her dream.

You have the advantage EW. recall how he acted as a teenager and how then you were the adult he the young person.Because this is a replay of his way of coping.The lad probably needs a good cry...seeing how his life as turned out.
BUT if you husband and son can talk calmly and salvage what really matters...that Anniya is as unaffected as possible.

Could you all be so like a tight spring due to your heart procedure that this is a focus.
Because EW a whole different scenario could be happening.This must be the undercurrent for all of you.
Dont underplay what you have been through.
Mountain ash

MA's words are full of wisdom, please read them carefully. If I wanted to launch my boat in the waters but saw when I arrived that they were tossing to and fro, I would probably back as far away from the waters as I could and give it up.

If, however, I saw that the waters were calm and inviting, I would probably go forth with my launch.

Maybe over simplified, however, I couldn't help but think that because you have all been slap around with the unpredictable behavior of the mom and the situation in total, then perhaps everyone could use a break from the drama of it all and just sigh. Give in to the heavy sighs, too. Say to yourself, it is what it is. Why? Well, dear friend...you have just had major surgery. Maybe you don't think of it that way, but I can guarantee you this, anytime someone cuts on ME, it's major. And it was your heart. You do NOT need the stress.

So what I'm saying is step back from it all, let it go, and when he arrives just let him do the talking. Be as calm as you can and let him know that your health is important to you and you really need him to work with you on this. That everyone will do as much as they can to help, but he has to sort out his own feelings BEFORE he brings those to your doorstep AND that hostility will not be tolerated. Remind him that what you do is done from love. Love for him, your grandchild, and yourself/hubby. That you give from years of experience as a parent in hopes of helping him, not hurting him. And then say...what can I do to help?

Put the ball back in his court because when he is asked, he will realize that you are ALREADY doing ALL that you can to help. But ask. Make him a part of it all.

I'm still not excusing him from his behavior, but I know that if he were my son, I would be wanting to ease his pain...AND my own. It's what loves does...you know?

Edelweiss, I admit that I have been too much in my own little world lately to have considered that your are recovering from MAJOR surgery.

Yes, it was major surgery, as JJ reminded you (and me). You must remember to take care of yourself and remind others that you need to be taken care of, too.

JJ and MA give great advice as always.

Love yourself, my friend.

Some children [even the biological kids] think their parents owe them something because they [the kids] were
born. It's mom and dad's fault they're alive; so, whatever mom and dad owns, their kids' claim it. It's their birth-right, you know; or so some of them think! And anybody that ain't blood, don't deserve what's rightfully theirs!

Well, Sunny-boy…beamed in this afternoon with Anaiya. He acted as if nothing happened between us. So typical…’just ignore it…and it will go away’.

After we put Anaiya to bed, he was just disappearing out the front door. Hah! No way was I going to let him off the hook that easily.

We three sat in the kitchen for a good two hours and had a heart to heart talk. And you know what? I still think he doesn’t get it. Anyhow, in the end…before rehashing everything over and over again, I told him…it doesn’t matter what we argue about; it’s how it’s done. And if you have the least respect for me and your father, then you argue with consideration and tact.

He left and hardly said good-bye. I was hoping for a reconciling hug. … Oh well. It’s that huge chip on his shoulder, that I can’t seem to chisel down. And as Mountain Ash said; basically it all comes down to Anaiya’s mother that has left us all to fend for ourselves, and see to it how we can live happily with this arrangement.

In the future, Hubby and I will try to disappear on weekends, while Danny is here with his daughter. With the philosophy; “What I don’t see, won’t upset me.” I guess, it all comes down to the most important thing; and that is, he loves his daughter, and only wants the best for her.

I just want to thank each one of you for your very wise comments and support.

Dee; You opened my eyes with your comment about boys wanting our approval even after they’re grown. Maybe I have been neglecting that factor, and have only been seeing what Hubby and I do for Anaiya. I have taken this very much to heart.

Mountain Ash; You said; “The lad may need a good cry,” brought tears to my eyes. And it helped me and Hubby talk calmly expressing our concern and understanding of his situation as well. Thank you so much.

JJ, I quoted you tonight to my son. I told him when I ask about Anaiya when he has her, I do it out of love, and not to criticize him. And I asked him to not hesitate if he has suggestions as to how we should handle Anaiya. I think that threw him through a loop. And although we didn’t separate all huggy…it was good to get the feelings out in the open, and it has eased all of our minds. JJ you have such wisdom to share. Thank you so much.

Anno, “Love yourself, my friend.” Those words are the best soul medicine. And I know I need to take everything more lightly, and not let it get to me like that. And yes for my health’s sake and for Hubby’s too. Anyone know a secret formula as to how not to let family conflicts get under your skin? And Anno, this is so like you to think you are too much in your own little world. Your world is the first priority right now. Thank you for caring, and I know you really do.

Jabber, are you talking from your own experience? All I know the way you speak of your adoptive parents, many a natural parent would yearn for such kind words. I see no difference between adoptive parents and natural parents. My sons are so different from me…they could be adopted.

Gee,….I wish I could adopt some of you as my sisters.

I thought you had, sis. It sounds as though you followed your heart and have you ever known it to steer you wrong? Nada.

Good for all concerned. You may have to wait a bit for your son's maturity level to rise, but it will. Remember, he is struggling with other demons, not just raising his precious daughter. Sometimes I'm sure it seems the world is crashing down around him.

But stick to your guns...you've earned the respect that should be there.

Sister JJ