Dee, I'm in sort of the same boat...with hubby's two grown children. Hubby's daughter is wonderful, calls him several times a week, visits often, and though heavy work responsibilities made it impossible for her to get here for Father's Day, she did call, and will make it up to him in a few weeks when she gets a few days off.

Hubby's son on the other hand is one of those who sometimes appears to get caught in that "It's all about me" syndrome, though my observations of late show me that he's more appreciative and attentive these days. He's a brilliant inventer/engineer, but often just doesn't see beyond his own world - he would be crushed if his own children forgot him on Father's Day, but doesn't think to call his own Dad. This year they had a legitimate excuse in that he had to travel out of town to accept a very prestigious award for his work - so we cover up the wound with pride in his accomplishment.

I too learned a long time ago - the hard way - to keep my nose out of those relationships and my mouth shut. No good has ever come out of my interference, though I work silently in the background to try and nurture the bonds that ARE there. I've learned that spreading honey does a much better job at drawing them in than vinegar (how does that saying go? I can't pull it out of my brain right now). Anyway, you get the gist of it, LOL. I had to change my focus (again) from what's not to what is, and build on that. It's very hard to watch a loved one be hurt, especially from our perspective where we know all too well just how fragile and short life can be. But there's no win-win resolution here when we as the steps get involved beyond their boundaries. I've learned (again) that all I can do is allow them to be who they are and try to build on whatever positives exist there and hope that any good seeds we plant along the way will eventually produce the garden we're hoping for.

With respect to Father's Day, methinks my partners' 2 adult children don't seem to observe it consistently so far ...but then it's blended in I guess, with his birthday which is at end of this month.

The children and he do initiate phone calls to one another on both sides. So the communication isn't one-sided. It is good open communication and has been like this for past few years.

Dee,
As a kid growing up I was like Larry's son G, the one that remembered Dad's special days. My 1/2 brother and 1/2 sister never did a thing. I would get cards and mail to them w/ a Stamped return envelope so they could mail Dad a card. Sometimes I would send poetry about loosing our elders, that worked for a few times to wake them up.. finally I gave out on this as Dad always seemed more thrilled with their measley card, since neither lived with him and I did...as his cow hand, ranch foreman, driver when he was too intoxicated, secretary, cook, housekeeper etc....I could give him actual gifts & cook special meals & he still was more pleased with the other 2's card that I sent for them to send! I finally had a talk with them, & told them either they remembered on their own or I would let them look like the A-hole people they were, that they were hurting Dad by not honoring him on special days, for a while this worked. At least one or both of them usually remembered. Sadly they really got into recalling as Dad aged and the end seemed near. Not that they were making up for lost time, but they wanted to be sure they were in good standing for the inheritance. Long tale to get to this, could Larry's son G talk to them? Coming from another sibling it might have more impact? Good Luck
PS None of my Dad's kids had the same Mom.

I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to the forum responses yet....but, plan to do so...Larry took a day or two off, which is nice, and we've been gardening all day...whew...I would like to say that Q-ball, that's an excellent idea about big brother talking to the other two siblings...you never know. To those of you who have sent your heart-felt responses and stories, I'm touched...I did talk to larry and found out some things that I will share with you in a day or so...for now, I need to go clean off the dirt...but, it's been a grand day with sweet Larry. Love you guys so much.

Dee, my heart goes out to you and Larry. The only way to lessen his hurt is to physically remove him from harm's way -- that cruise for the two of you on Christmas, for example. The brats will not call him anyhow, so you may as well provide them with an excuse. And while you're at it -- why not extend the practice to THEIR birthdays as well? "Oh sorry, we forgot to call/card/gift -- we were having such a great time on vacation!" Or send them a postcard if you must.

When they learn that Larry is not bending over backwards to accommodate them, maybe they'll come around. Or not -- but it won't be any worse than the situation now.

Divine,
U R right, again!!!!

I'm back...Larry's on a train and I've been to two quilting classes today...it's been a busy, busy day.
First, thanks for everyone's support and good words of wisdom, wishes and heartfelt love. I appreciate it so much. I'm still not sure what's going to happen during the weekend of the BBQ...Larry says he's going to say something so we'll see.
I've tried the you catch more flies with honey...however, it doesn't seem to matter with two of his children...they don't appreciate anything 'sweet' we do for them...they take it for granted as well as taking their dad for granted, so my reaction is to do no more for them...to give them what they continue to give...nothing. I cannot grasp the coldness of it...it's just so cold.

Dee, I got to thinking more about this last night.

It all stems from divorce. This is why "God hates divorce". All kids react differently. Some are "ok", some will never be.

Some have totally understood why "Mom and Dad" should have separated their lives. Some never get over it.

Having never been a child of divorce (Mom and Dad together until Mom died at age 43), I can understand why some kids grieve. When a family unit is "severed", it's VERY difficult to adjust your life. Think of an arm no longer on the body. It can take quite a long time to live w/out that main portion of the "body".

The family "unit", or "body" is so out of sorts, some "limbs" will need a unique adjusting period.

Sorry to ramble. But as a stepmother of adult kids in their mid 30's now, I still see issues, somewhat, that may never go away. I am NOT DA MOMMA and I watch DH experiencing some stuff that I do not understand. Yes, the kids like me and are happy their Dad is happy. But, I suppose "Mom" will always be "home" to them.

Trust me, I feel your concern.

Di...I was a stepchild from the age of 10 so I understand both sides of the fence. That's why I've always tried to be understandinf of being a stepchild. but, you're right, no matter how nice stepmom is...I think it's rare that stepchild and stepparent coexist easily.
I'm never going to get these adult steps to do the right thing...and I don't believe larry telling them will either...I believe they're too selfish. Just too selfish.

I'm just glad Larry has you to love the heck out of him. I'm sure he is too.