For the first time during the whole ordeal with Dennis, I am finding myself mourning the loss of what we had, and fearing what we will have.

How have you dealt with this type of loss?

How have you escaped the fear of the future?

I won't even pretend to know what you're feeling, because I don't. While I have had fears of a different nature as far as the future is concerned, they are so small in comparison. So I won't offer any "sage" wisdom here because I have none. I can only tell you that staying in the moment, in this day, in this hour, has helped me beyond measure. I don't try to borrow trouble, as my granny use to say, and just take it one day at a time. If you don't, you might miss something precious.

For what it's worth, I'm here!

Anno, I'm learning as I go...one day, one step, one crisis at a time. The loss of what used to be against what is now can be as excruciatingly sad as the loss of a person. At one point in the ongoing discussions about grief here, somebody (Gims?) coined the phrase "stolen forevers" to describe how death or a health crisis, or any life-changing event doesn't just alter our here-and-now, but also changes whatever "forever" we had envisioned for ourselves. So it's very much the loss of a dream, and forces us to change plans and direction.

As you know, I'm still immersed in that journey myself, but I'm at the stage where I know that even though my "forever" has changed, I still get a say in how it will look. I still get to move the rubble around and decide how to rebuild my life toward a future that I can live with and enjoy. Every single day I have to be diligent about not despairing about "what's not" and keep my focus on "what IS" and build on that.

When the future looks too frightening and overwhelming, it's time to stop and take life in smaller chunks that are more do-able and more within your power to change and adapt to your needs and ever-evolving vision of what you want your new future to look like.

With you in the journeying...

Live in the grace of the present moment, Anno. It is of such short duration considering that life, whatever circumstances it may be, comprise of present moments. God is with you and Dennis right now. By your side and His company is always dated: present. Entrust your present moments to Him. Your future triumphs are prompted by your love in the present, the latter which passes ever so quickly and for a reason: it leaves very little time to worry.

And, yes. My family has dealt with a similar circumstance when my sister's grandson was born and diagnosed with severe disability.

As we are all inclined to behave with human instincts, apprehension, not fear, reeled its head occasionally with us. How did we cope? Stopped for a moment, when apprehension came. Allow yourself to take stock. Swimmers raise their head for air. And, so should you.

We are all here for you, Anno. It is greatly appreciated that BWS opens to different time zones. There is always one of us on board. Much affection to you and Dennis from where I am.

Anno, great advice from the gals above.
Keeping you and Dennis in my prayers

Anno
Lola is right in my book.Keep busy. I think I save sorting craft stuff and cupboards to allow me to live in the moment.Also growing little seeds which need me for survival in my greenhouse.All the divertions.Indeed it may be any clutter is a complicated way humans have to cope..a safety need so it detracted from the impact of loss.
Its not only the front issue..Dennis (and anyone else who has an illness which is named) its the unknown..the faith.. the hopes... the wishes.The might have beens.
remember this..you have moved from a place you cared for..you too are in transition..It is not possible to be strong 24/7.
In my case I soldier on.whether a student had a terminal illness and I was the "Strong team member" or in a personal issue when I cannot loss "IT" because I am needed.When my Grandparents were in their last days I kept stotic because that was what they would have valued.Then I was young and well.. gutsy..had little one depended on me.
As we grown older some of us grow more tender..Myself I so see each day as a bonus..God given and allow those less evolved to discover there is a calm kind way of living.Often as I have said this is taken for weakness and when needed I can rise high and have been known to sort out situations you here would say "thats not Mountain ash's acting"

I have more than 100 of my poems published but may many more where my journaling has taken wings..some will never be seen
and my daughter has instruction in the event of me dying.They are my counsellor my judge and my release.
Recently two have been used in nursing staff magazine (anon) and the Director of nursing was contacted re them by the proffessional.So I have an outlet which in its way is helping many..most of all myself.

Anno you know we all care.We all have something different unique andloving to share wih you.But ultimatly its you who does the daily doings..and this is sore...
Thinking about you as I go about my day here and do remember PM or indeed telephone any time.If it can help.

Mountain ash.
PS
What does Dennis find omforting..funny..spritual..sharing.What kind of guy is he.
Music..golf animals gardens..or like my guy..technology (mine is a radio ham that gets him going)Also each Sat.night an hours music(Traditional Scottish which he discects and compares whilst listening on earphones as I watch Lyold Webber search for the new Nancy for Oliver)
Maybe then I could contribute..perhaps a wee dram???do you know what that is??

Thank you for the reminder to live in the moment. Each of you has said the same thing in different ways. I, myself, have said the same to others. Yesterday was simply a difficult day for me and I guess I was mourning all the losses we, as a couple, have had lately.

However, I am one lucky gal in so many ways, and we, as a couple, are a great couple and have so much. What I want to spend my time and my thoughts on is his, my and our happiness.

Thank you for the gentle reminder.

Mountain Ash,

For those of us that read between the lines, we know your strength. You are like the gentle giant, quiet and strong.

A wee dram? I have heard the term and have always assumed it is a small bit of whiskey? Am I right?

Dennis loves tech, too. This very afternoon we are going out to purchase a new monitor for his desktop computer. He has the 2nd bedroom in our new place as his office. It is full of electronic toys. And he loves 3 stooges type humor. It is so easy for me to get him to laugh by just saying the dumbest thing, or making up a silly song.

Lola, How are your grand nephew and niece? I am not surprised that your family found the strength to live in the moment and notice when apprehension reared it's ugly head and did something about it. The analogy of a swimmer coming up for air is perfect.

Today I will practice cherishing each moment and put apprehension and fear aside.

Diamond, thank you for your prayers. I almost booked a cruise to the Hawaiian Islands, and thought of you. And then, I thought, oh, she is probably in Asia right now anyway.

Ann

Anno,
Everybody heretofore has said it, "stay in the moment," as much as possible. Many of these boomers have hard hills to climb. We'll pray 4 U. Dennis and your prayers will be greatly appreciated by the boomers. I know! I got a magazine in the mail yesterday; 1 particular article caught my attention. "Take time to play!" Little kids get such joy out of life. We can take a lesson from them. Find something U really, really like to do and then find time to do it!
Blessings and prayers...