Glad that you and your son were able to spend a moment together, Humlan. Keep busy. That's my mantra.

Humlan, I know what you are going through, as my youngest daughter Kelsey
just graduated from high school. (my other 3 kids are in their 30's)

It feels so different and strange, yet I know she has so much ahead of
her to embrace; I am actually excited for her.

Big Hugs for you!

OOOO THANK YOU dear dear friends!! I feel a glow in my heart from all the caring here. THANK YOU!!!

I realized today that my son is distancing from me..hard to explain..but we don´t have the same "talk" anymore. In these days of internet, etc..we "meet" on MSN chat now and again. But there is a space now

However, after having taken a shower..I have cleaned and reoroganized the apartment this afternoon..with the help of music and a vodka drink..yes, I promise to check in AA when this is over. ..I realized that this distance is very necessary for him. Otheriwse he would be sitting in his place..crying and doing nothihg. But now he has made a discision and he´s following it thru..I would to, in his shoes..and of course, did. I mean..I moved to Sweden!

It´s not easy for him either in some ways..and I do remember this from my personal experience and that of his older brother and sisters. They have had to make a statement almost for themselves and for me too. We have been a tight knit family in many ways..and they have all had to push, pull and tug. I see that now. My 2 middle kids have actually mentioned this..voiced their thoughts and processes. They are slowly coming "back" now..on different premises..but I can sort of see the light there.

Hmmm.. I have written this thought here because I don´t want to loose it again when the tears start to fall..and the emptiness slams in again...

Do you guys feel what I am talkng about?

I am a firm believer in the thoughts of the The Prophet (gilal gibran)..we don´t own our children..they are just on loan to us..and we can´t walk with them into the future..the future belongs to them..and is their territory. I am paraphrasing..but this poem is lovely!

On the cd..a reggae song..Time to have sexa..yeah..now that we can have anytime..now that my teenager is making his life. Time for me to get a life,too..right???

Thank you for your thoughts and support here..thank you!!!!

Humlan, I’m slowly catching up on the posts that I have missed.

You know I have two sons. And although I think we all get along really well, there is sometimes a distance between us, that I’m a little sensitive about; because, I guess, I expected more. I envy you for the love you and your son have for each other. The thought that he cried as well, twinges at my heart strings, for neither of my sons ever did that when they left. Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t doubt for a minute that my sons truly love me, but it isn’t a gushy warm love. It’s a pat on the back, if I’m lucky, kind of love. It’s a sarcastic humour teasing love…that sometimes even gets on my nerves.

What am I trying to say here? I guess, maybe that I think you are a very lucky mother. And if you have this very beautiful strong bond to your son, it will become even stronger through distance. You’ll see.

This time of yearning and sadness, is painful I’m sure, but it is also the testimony of what a wonderful mother and son relationship you have, and always will have.

If we as parents do our job, kids grow up and move on with their own life. It's hard, it's sad but it is also rewarding knowing that we did a good job as parents.

Hang in there it will get better with time.
Yana

Oh Humlan,

I sooooo get it. My daughter graduated on the 13th. I cried off and on all day. I was so filled with emotion. Come August, both of my kids will be leaving for college and I will, for the first time in 21 years not have the daily responsibility of physically taking care of someone and physically knowing that they are home and safe. Even as I write this I am starting to cry. Life is difficult on many fronts right now, so I am feeling the stress of this transition even more.

I have been reading a lot about empty nesting, and it appears that everyone survives it. However, that doesn't make it any less painful.

Well my opinion is that a good, loving, nurturing woman, who takes being a mother seriously never ceases being a mother just because the birds have flown the nest... Its always hard to let go. I still have problems with my sons being gone, I miss them being underfoot.

10 years later, and I still feel the pain... I think it comes from thinking I won't be needed as much, or as often, which hasn't been the case, even though the needs have been somewhat different - how 'bout that for a run-on sentence.

Ah the Empty Nest....doors open, doors close, my empty nest dang near killed me literally. Totally for years a SAHM, my son's were ME/my life, to make matters worse my DH took a job in the same town as the boys college and my nest was for days completely empty. YES, it's painful to our very core to feel the loss of being needed, loss of contact & daily interaction, hugs & kisses. Long talks at midnight....Then one day, you notice they still come around and visit, you find a new quiet time with your grown young people, the conversations shift to more adult topics, like rent, phone bills, & Oh what joy! Recipe swaps and advice...It's then you wake and find a new woman all her 'own' to do with her days a she wishes. {to an extent}, yogurt and toast for supper days. LOL Then the kids have empty nest syndrome, when Mom don't answer the phone...YEIKES!! Where's Mom? She's out to lunch, having a pedicure, shopping for things she didn't dare spend on when baby needed a new pair of shoes. Time heals and you learn to embrace a new relationship with the adults you raised, one day they buy dinner or cook, you can go mess up their house and leave..You survive, they survive, the family thrives on the memories old and new ones yet to be made. Its as natural as the last diaper, first day of school & so on. Cry! Play music - Dance, whatever it takes to get through the heart tugs. No 2 people deal with anything the same, but we all can lend a hand of support to each other..my heart feels for you, yes our youngest is most difficult to see fly away, we have no spares. LOL In essence, every event in life is an ending and a beginning in 'one'.

Ohhh..what can I say dear friends??? Thank you SO MUCH for all your caring and all your thoughts and experiences... I cried right along with some of you and smiled along with others..I guess that´s what it is..bittersweet.

He called me the other evening..quite late, because he knows his mom is a nite owl..and said..mom I just got home and thought I sit on the veranda and have a talk with you...before I start at my computer. Well, what can I say??? My heart opened..all valves wide open and the light and love streamed in. As I have mentioned before. my 2 middle kids have been gone for so long due to therapists and everything being our fault..that this is such a GIFT!!!! Such a total miracle, blessing, happening.

Thank you SO MUCH..all of you..for helping me hang in there and not be a STOP for my young son who is also trying this living on his own..and not backing away or giving up. That takes GUTS too..and I want to help him and support him. SO thank you for helping me, help him,too