Hi Vi,
So sorry for your loss. We are all here with you.
Welcome to Boomerwomenspeak its a great group of women as you can already tell.
Like someone said don't be afraid to shed tears in your grief for some of us that's when we start to heal.
Maggie

Songbird and Maggie, thank you. I know I keep saying that as more of you offer your initial and ongoing support. Unfortunately, my words are inadequate for expressing appreciation. But I do thank you, all of you, those who have written and those who are giving silent support.

Yesterday, Dan, my friend, Mary, and I kept a lunch date made a month ago when Anita had just gotten home from the hospital. We'd hoped she would be well enough to keep our monthly luncheon date by then. If she showed up, I was unable to see or hear her. I had thought Dan wouldn't be up to the lunch, but he suggested we keep it, and we went back to Skippers - his favorite seafood place. The four of us had lunch there numerous times. He bought us lunch, and we talked of whatever, each of us very aware that Anita wasn't with us, each of us not mentioning it. It went okay. Dan sent Mary and I home with flower arrangements from the service. He's resumed his morning walks. He's sleeping in his own bed again.

Today, as I painted I thought of it all - my sister's life, what she might be doing now - I mean, sitting around listening to harp music would get boring after a while, don't you think? She has a new beginning. And for her that is good. So do the rest of us, really, and it can be good. It is our choice. It's all about choices.

Vi

Vi, I remember lviing life without Mom shortly after she died. I always tried to focus on her being in heaven. I pictured her hanging out with her parents, siblings, and friends who had gone before her. It was a great comfort.

Try not to think of her being bored. I don't think there is such a thing as boredom in heaven, only happiness forever after.

Also, I couldn't agree more. Life is all about choices and we are in control our of choisces. Therefore we creat our futures. It can be very powerful when we tap into the Holy Spirit and make the choices He intends for us.\

Sending warm thoughts and prayers your way.

Vi, I'm glad you are doing well.

I agree with Dotsie ... I don't think there is boredom in heaven. Nor do I believe we float around on clouds strumming harps. I think there is something exciting awaiting us.

I also picture it as a time of homecoming.

The other thing that comforts me (even after 4 1/2 years I miss my mom so very much) is knowing that she's no longer in pain or suffering. And since she died, she's been joined by my mother-in-law, my step-dad, my aunt, an uncle, and the wonderful pastor who baptized my mom the January before she died. In fact, he whispered to her right before she died that he would be seeing her soon. Little did we know. But there is great rejoicing there and I know I can't be selfish. But still, sometimes I think I hear her calling my name and it's a comfort.

I pray God continues to keep you in His care and comfort those that loved and knew Anita.

Hugs and blessings, Francine

Vi,
I too remember the hours I spent shortly after Daddy died reflecting on the past years of caregiving, my thoughts on where he was, what he was doing, thinking, etc. It was a form of healing too I suppose. I also chose that time to talk to Daddy and basically hand him my grief and ask him for help in dealing with his absence.

I still talk to Daddy almost daily. I've stopped asking him however, to help me find ways to deal with my grief. Seems that time has done that. I think the healing process is within us all, and somewhat natural. We get angry, we get sad, depressed, maybe angry again...I don't know the stages exactly and won't insult you by suggesting you are in one.

I only know that in my heart I feel that thinking about them, wondering what they are doing, how happy they must be, and if they can see or hear me, does wonders for me in coping.

I so hope that you, Dan, and Anita's children can always have a place inside to go to, and wonder.

JJ

Thanks Dotsie, Francine and JJ for sharing your insights and experiences.

I was being facetious about the harps - resorting to a stereotype. I'm sure Anita is not bored. I'm sure she's doing fine and visiting everyone. But even though supposedly there is no time there, still, after a while, just hanging out with loved ones would get boring. Sitting around blissfully doesn't work either.

I was okay with the idea of living blissfully ever-after after my dad died - the hanging out idea. But after my boyfriend,Gary, died, I really got to wondering - what is he doing now...or now...or now. He was such an important part of my daily life, that I wanted to know. So I asked him. He communitcated with my spiritual teacher, Elaine. She shared what he said with me. I had visions and dreams of him in places I'd never seen. Of course, there was no way to verify any of it. That's the way it is with everything, really.

I've studied a lot of religions. Each has it's own belief about what the soul goes through after the body dies. It's fascinating. What comforts me the most is what I learned from a little seagull who so loved to fly. In his story when we passed from this existence we went on to another one where we could learn and grow, and on to another and another and so on. It works for me. But I still want to know what my loved ones are doing now...and now...and now.

The fact that they no longer have to deal with the violence and fear on the planet comforts me. My dad, my sister, my grandparents, friends I've lost over the years, I'm so very grateful that they no longer have to deal with all this stuff.

And I'm glad I'm still here so I still have a chance to make a difference.

Vi

Vi,
It appears that you are dealing with the loss of your sister in a very healthy way. I'm sure you are grieving, but even the grief is beautiful.

I am reminded of a friend whose husband died suddenly. She seemed to deal with it very well. Not that she didn't grieve, she did, but she grieved in a very loving and beautiful way.

When I spoke to her about it, she told me that she was able to deal with the grief because it was not complicated by regret. She discussed some of the loving and joyful events of their life together and how remembering those times helped her deal with the grief knowing she had nothing to regret.

I thought that was so very wise of her and it inspires me still to try to treat people dear to me in such a way as to have nothing to regret should I lose them suddenly.

It helped me so much as I grieved for my Daddy that I spent time having fun with him especially toward what turned out to be the end of his life. Now I have those joyful memories to comfort me as I am sure they are comforting him in heaven.
It must be the same with your sister.
smile

Smile,

Your friend is very wise, as are you. Blessings come in all kinds of ways, and for each I am grateful.

Vi

Vi, I thought of you grieving last night while I was at a funeral home for one of my favorite people in the world. My 93 year old aunt died this week. All she did was love people. She was beautiful. Still thinking of, and praying for you.

Dotsie, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of your aunt.

We just came from visiting my beloved 82 year old aunt. She's been such a steadfast prayerful person and I'm sure her prayers have helped me survive throughout my life.

She's the last remaining aunt - we lost Mom and all of her brothers and sisters, as well as Dad and all but his one sister within a three year span. So I admit to dreading losing her too, although she's looking forward to "going Home".