Dear sweet Vi,
I was with you thru the picture you've painted for us of Anita's last days and hours on this earth. It brought back memories for me when my Daddy passed away last year, and reminded me of all of the love that surrounded us during that time. I too feel that your family is amazing and and hope you can feel all of us with you while you sort through your feelings and meet your own grief. We are here...

Love, JJ

My Sister's Shoes

Meredithbead, thank you for your support, your strength, all the love you are sending. Thank you for being part of the circle.

TVC15, blessings to you for joining this circle of support. I am very grateful.

Dotsie, yes, the words planted during childhood can sprout as simple blessings later in life.

JJ,thanks for your kindness toward me and my family, your special heart and your prayers.

Today, I wore my sister's shoes to the river. It was a warm day as my husband and I stood on the bridge overlooking the Umpqua River. He was fishing for salmon. I was fishing for peace. The morning clouds had gone and only an occasional puffy one wandered across the sky.

It's been only two weeks since Anita gave me the shoes. She said they were too tight for her, would I like to have them. I found them by the front door - white canvas tenny runners with a few smudges of dirt on each one. I sat down near the couch where she was laying and slipped them on. Width-wise they were fine. They were a little too long, but as my husband tells me I have Barny Rubble feet. My toes rarely reach the ends of my shoes. I usually have to add stuffing if they are to fit just right. I showed them to Anita and thanked her.

We had never been able to wear each others clothes like sister often do. I was eight when she left home. After her babies she was never able to lose the weight. One time after one of her diets, when she gained some of the weight back, she offered me a yellow outfit that was now too small for her. I didn't wear that kind of thing, so I didn't take it. After the fact I knew that she was making a loving sisterly gesture and so wanted me to have it. Ever since I regretted not taking it. So not long before the visit two weeks ago, I decided that if she ever offered me any of her clothes again, I would take them.

So today, it was comforting wearing my sister's shoes, sitting on the bridge watching the river heading toward the sea.

Vi

[ June 21, 2005, 02:08 AM: Message edited by: Vi ]

Dear Vi

May God Bless the hearts of you and your family and your dear sister. The beauty of your words touched me and I don't know what to say except...peace, may it always walk with you and those you love.

With love
Leigha

Leigha,

Thank you. The love and peace you share with me is more than enough.

Blessings to you,

Vi

Vi,

Your posts here continue to touch my heart and spirit.

While my mom gave us other things over the years, she didn't give any of her clothes. She made porcelain dolls and I have one that I can cuddle and hug to my chest when I'm really missing her.

But after her death, my step-dad asked if we wanted to go through her things. All three of us girls said YES.

It really was kind of a healing experience but bitter sweet at the same time. I took a variety of things for different reasons. (Not shoes ... could never fit into her tiny size -- lol.) Anyway, I have a sweater and two flannel nightgowns that I love wearing because it's like having mom's arms wrapped around me. And I think she would find pleasure in that fact.

We never know where or when something will happen in our lives that ends up comforting us in our losses but I'm so thankful that I treasure these things ... as I'm sure you treasure those shoes.

I wish I'd known about this site when my mom died ... I think it would've been a comfort then. I do know that it is comforting now.

Thank you, Vi for all you've shared.

Hugs and blessings, Francine

Vi,
You never know when in your grief you help others to heal even further. After reading the post about the shoes, I sat here and tears filled my eyes until I looked down and realized I had on Daddy's pj bottoms. They were the ones he always wore at the home and are those wonderful cotton pants with the drawstrings...you know what I'm talking about?

Well, days after his death, I was going thru things I had brought home with me from the VA home when I noticed a bag I had held tight during that entire night...in it were these pants and a few other "Daddy" items. I wear them every, single, night. Talk about comforting. You never have to really let go. Not really.

JJ

Between the death of my Dad in 1999 and Mom's in 2001, I bought my Mom special hand-made nightgowns...large, roomy, flannel, long-sleeve, with deep pockets for her endless supply of kleenix. They were so cuddly, and she loved those nightgowns. By the time she died, she had six in her wardrobe. So I gave each of my three nieces one of Granny's nightgowns, kept two for myself, and gave the sixth one to my sister-in-law. All six of the nightgowns have been worn thin since then, but none of us will ever give them up or away.

They're too warm for me to wear these days (hot flashes and night sweats), but in those times when I'm missing my Mom terribly, it's so comforting to slip one on and just cuddle up in her warm essence.

Oh girls,I can barely see to type this. My eyes are as filled as my heart reading your bittersweet responses. I just finished writing about Mom a few minutes before coming here so it kind of caught me off guard I guess. I too have a story.

Mom gave me a sweatshirt with an owl on it for my birthday about 15 years ago. It is ragged on the sleeves, a hole in the back collar and the owl had faded into the black background. We were travelling and I told her, No Mom I don't want anything for my birthday. She was a widow living on a fixed income at the time. Mom said "I am buying it for you."

I wear it on the days I really need her in the winter and I wear her old(now) green housecoat every day when I wake up. I am so afraid they will just go to shreds soon.

I am having the sweat shirt "owl pic" professionally framed some day. I am going to wear the green housecoat till I walk out of it.

Dearest Vi, I know how hard it was for you to post about your sister, but you will never know how it has helped with my never ending healing of losing my rock, my mentor, my heart and soul friend - my Mom. I thank you from my healing heart.

Andria

Francine, thank you for sharing your experiences with us. A porcelain doll, a sweater, two flannel nightgowns - it is so nice to have these things to bring her close to you. When you hold the doll, when you wear the clothing, have you felt her spirit with you? I believe those we love come back, now and again, to check in on us. I think our thoughts bring them sometimes.

JJ, I agree. We don't really have to let go. Love never ends. Love follows us across eternity. Daddy's pj bottoms and his other things bring him closer to you in more ways than you know. He loves you so.

Eagle Heart, no wonder you've had such a hard time with your losses - 2 so close together can have a crippling effect. I'm so glad you have your momma's flannel nightgowns. Menopause does get over with eventually, so they tell me, and you will still have this gift that you can slip into. The essence of the ones we love is always with us. It guides us, directs us, makes us stronger. Your mother cherishes all the beauty the two of you shared. This is something she wants you to know.

Andria, owls are watchers of the night. Have you ever considered that maybe this owl is symbolic of your mother continuing to watch over you? Green is the color of life, of growth. Slipping into a green house coat is slipping into comfort and growth of the heart.

You all honor me with your words, your sharing. I'm so glad to share with you in this way. The whole experience is really helping me.

Bless you all,
Vi

I am so awed by how so many of us seem to value the same things and, in fact, share some of the same memories. Andria ... I have my mom's green robe ... it's beautiful and I have worn it (unless, like Eagle Heart, hot flashes overwhelm me). And JJ, the picture of you wearing your Daddy's pants is so touching. The idea of preserving the sweatshirt owl is an excellent one.

I do think that these pieces of our loved ones do carry a part of them with us. I have some of my mother's things in storage back in the states ... since my step-dad died while I was here, I haven't had a chance to really embrace them into my life yet but I'm so looking forward to it.

Thank you all for sharing the beautiful memories ... and Vi, I so admire your courage to post your "heart" here. We truly are sisters at heart.

Hugs and blessings, Francine