Hi, Lynn, Thanks.
Yes, my childhood was much as you described.
This evening, I am feeling better, and I've practiced one exercise I knew of but re-read in an article on recovering from a bad relationship: to imagine one of your close female friends or family member,i.e., daughter, sister, in the same situation as I have been. This is a good exercise, because as you see it happening to a loved one, the injustice and inequity are glaringly apparent! So that has helped me today!
My art: I sell in on Ebay under the seller name, "Artrox," as well as in one gallery in Atlanta. I will try to post some pics of it here.
Thanks again to all of you!
ARI

Hi Aria, I forgot to tell you that when I first asked you how I could view your art I went on an ebay search under Artrox and it said 0 matches found. Is there a name of a painting or another way to search to see? Also, are you under self-representing artists?

The exercise you mentioned sounds like it gives you an objective view. Glad that it helped you todayLLL

Hi, Lynn, and thanks for looking me up on Ebay. I have just two pieces on there right now. I tried to post pics of my art here, but can't seem to get the attachment tool to work. I'll keep working on it.
In the meantime, I'm going to send you a little photo album from my Yahoo connection.
ARI

Ariadne -

I saw so much of myself in your posts --

There are reasons for our behavior -- usually going back to childhood -- I'm a "recovering" multiple personality -- and was in my late 40's before I finally stood up for myself one day and said NO !!

I wasted years and years of my life on guilt and pain and bad relationships -- and it really wasn't until my son died that I realized that the only one that could take control of my emotions and my life was ME.

a part of a poem I wrote after he died says

" so i got out of bed
and i washed my face
and i looked at the face in the mirror
so forlorn
so shallow
and i asked
is this the face your child loved ?
and i knew i had to go on"

There will come a time in your life that you will realize that you have to go on. ON YOUR TERMS !!

There will come a time that you will look in YOUR mirror and realize that you don't need anyone else to say I like you and I approve of you -- you only need to like yourself and be proud of who you are -- what you have or could become -- ALL BY YOURSELF and DESPITE the people in your past.

THE PAST -- Ariadne -- that is the hardest expression in our vocabulary to deal with. Those two little words can bring us to our knees every single time !!!

So maybe instead of analyzing yourself -- take a few minutes to analyze that expression -- look it up in the dictionary -- serious -- look it up and see what it says -- then ask yourself if you'd rather keep your energy focused on keeping that alive or would you rather walk away and focus your energy and BEING on TODAY !!

I slip back soooooo easily into the past -- a song, a memory, but the moment I do I say STOP IT - NOW -- i look ahead -- and concentrate on what i want to do tomorrow and start working towards it today.

Self help books are great -- burying yourself in your work etc -- helpful -- but the bottom line is that YOU are the only one that can say ENOUGH !! ENOUGH of the bad memories ENOUGH of the SELF abuse - because by now you're an adult and not being abused by a parent or whomever as you were a child -- YOU are the one allowing the abuse -- and YOU can stop it this instant !!!!

They're called BOUNDARIES -- set them Ariadne -- set them and refuse to allow ANYONE to step over them !!! INCLUDING YOURSELF

Ariadne -- it truly is YOUR CHOICE to remain in the drowning pit of sorrow -- climb on out -- walk away -- and don't ever look back again -- why should you look back -- there isnt ANYONE in your PAST that should be considered more than a FLEA on the back of an ELEPHANT or else they'd be in your present and future !!!!

If you need some meds to help you make that first step -- get them -- sometimes you need a helping hand -- but it comes down to YOU taking that first step forward

We're all here for you -- think about it -- arent the ladies in this forum MUCH more valuable to you and your self worth than the jerks in your past? If so, stop wasting energy on them and come in here and LAUGH and FEEL ALIVE !!!!

Lionspaaw,
That was an awesome post...I hope you don't mind, I copied it over to my computer, changed a few words around, printed it off and hung it on my "affirmation" wall.

Ari, Broken relationships do hurt...like Lynn said, at a certain time in one's life, one loss can suddenly snowball into an overwhelming accumulation of past losses; we not only grieve the people we've lost, but also the passions and dreams that we lost when life and choices detoured us down other roads we thought were the right ones at the time; we grieve the pieces of ourselves we unwittingly gave away to people who didn't deserve them; we grieve the need to let go of cherished hopes we've clung to since childhood; we grieve the myriad of circumstances that now force us to move forward into a different direction that better suits who and where we are today.

It's true, we have to move on. Deep down, we do know it's really the only choice. But it's just not always an easy thing to drag those weary feet and sad hearts out of the quicksand of disappointment and disillusionment. That's why good friends, loving family and safe places like BWS are so vital...they become our ladder out of the pit of despair.

Thanks, Lion, Smilin and Eagle...
Smile...I think I needed that "kick" from you!!!
And, Lion and Eagle, your writings are both very insightful! I am not sitting here having a pity party, by the way. As for Smile's statement of "it's really not our business," well, I thought that was what support forums were for????
Despite that, I have received much support and help here, and have improved tremendously in ways I would not have if I hadn't reached out here....Now, about that, "not our business,"...if the purpose of this forum is to remain on comfortable topics like door wreaths and recipes, I'm sorry I imposed here, but I found the topic, "He's Just Not That Into You" here by doing a web search. If you are uncomfortable with people responding to such a topic, then you should remove it!!!
I too enjoy some of the other topics here, and I'm especially intrigued right now by the discussion of the Sun Conure, being a bird lover myself, but I won't post under any more personal matters.
ARI

Hi, Chatty...
I am truly sorry to hear about this lady's situation...very scary. Hmm...getting tested, I don't think there's a need for that right now. Frivolous whines...Is that what I did? Sorry.
ARI

I don't think it was frivolous. It hurt you. That made it not frivolous. I know what it feels like to be hurt and it makes you not even want to try to meet some one else for your own protection. And yes, that is what the forums are for...talking it out. Some people are lucky enough to have "Real Live Friends". People that they can actually see and have over to talk. Others, myself included, have these cyber sisters here. So you post away, Ari. Even a "Real" girlfriend might get sick of hearing about Mr. Dork, but so what? You'll get over him sooner or later. Probably sooner from talking with us and that's a good thing. I will give you my two favorite quotes from waaaaay back: 'The more I know men, the better I like my dog.' and 'A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.' Happy Healing!

Chatty --

I'm sorry for your loss -- it never really goes away -- be it 44 yrs or 44 days -- a soul mate is for eternity

Eagle Heart -- THANK YOU for one of the nicest compliments someone could give another !!

Ari -- I dont think Smile meant "not our business" the way you took it -- I think she meant more that we shouldnt sit in judgement of a situation we werent a part of (man bashing in other words) -- just be supportive of you.

Everyone hurts in their own way -- one person may be devistated by a situation yet another may look at it and shrug their shoulders and say whats the big deal

The point is that the forum is for personal things and you should feel comfortable posting anything you want to here -- you have a right to your opinion, your pain, your post -- but you also have to realize that we will not only hug you and support you -- but KICK YOUR BUTT sometimes ;-) -- and as you said to Smile -- you needed that and thanks !!

You can't put this many women from so many different backgrounds and lifestyles together in one place without some misunderstandings -- some lack of patience -- and some MAJOR HORMONES ;-)but that's okay ! That's how we get all the different points of view on a subject -- some of which you will agree with and some you will want to spit nails at -- pick and choose what you want to write, read and respond too and don't worry about the rest ;-)

Besides - this is good practice for you to get a little tougher skin and pass on some of your own wisdom -- so don't stop posting

I'm sure everyone here would agree with that !

A tougher skin...Yeah!!!
ARI...I love y'all!