JJ - you say

"I don't know what's worse, grieving outwardly, or silently. A sad heart, is a sad heart, no matter how loud."

At first I grieved outwardly to keep me from going insane -- but then I found myself talking TO Robert -- instead of ABOUT him and my heart wasn't as sad.

My husband keeps everything inside and when he finally falls apart -- it seems to be so much harder on him --

So I don't know which is worse either -

Will things get better ??? Who knows ---

This was the 4th Thanksgiving without my child -- it ended the same way as the last 3 -- holding my husband while he cried himself to sleep -- and then trying to stop the tears myself -----

All I know is that it helps to know we can come here for support when things get unbearable.