JJ, this sounds odd, but I missed me too. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed and withdraw. Thanks...!! Eagle, wow, it does sound like you have an amazing therapist. It sounds like you look to everyone like you had to look to your mom. Through her body language, expressions, hidden agendas, you had to decipher how YOU had to react, such as, "If she says this, then I better say that." Etc. It sounds very exhausting. Oh, and that threat is so abusive in itself: "if you ever tell, it will kill your father." Then what, you are left with your mother? I think sometimes we don't know how or when our prayers are answered. You are facing what you need to see ("see") so that you can have peace. That's an amazing profound answer to a prayer. Despite the ugliness of the abuse, and it's ramifications, when you acknowledge it for what it is, I know for sure that you become more whole because the truth of who you really are (loved, loving, loveable) fills the holes with light. L, PL xxoo