EW..I have a thought too..I think that the experience that someone touches you on parts of yourself that are very basically and naturally PRIVATE puts you into a state of shock. You are made mute..because you totally shutdown..physically, emotionally and mentally..to protect yourself. Your body does this instinctively. And your "reptilian part of the brain" takes over..you act totally on instinct. This happens when you get something in your eye..you instinctively blink many times and your tears start to run..to protect your eye. Or you see a ball coming your way..destined to hit your stomach..you automatically cover your tummy with your hands to protect it. The rest of your brain shuts down so as to make your instinctive actions even faster..because the thinking part of our brain makes us react more slowly. This would explain why you didn´t think of asking your mom for help..everything shutdown..you were acting on your animal level only. These processes have become known now thru brain research..and are very interesting.

Then even many moments after or years..you still cannot talk about it..because it has to do with so very private places within your body and therefore, your soul/spirit. I think, as Princess does, that probably the f...... guilt thing comes into it,too.. and your own uneasiness and fear when remembering..and perhaps also the worry of what feelings you could have awakened in your mother. I mean, it´s not easy to talk about these things..ever. And trying to understand why he did what he did when he did it..isn´t easy either. Kinda making sense out of the whole thing..isn´t easy..

I am not trying to make your experience bigger than it is for you..but just putting my 2 cents worth in...

JJ..thank you! thank you so much!

Princess and Humlan I just read this post, and I thank you. It does explain my reaction. And I think it helped me to see this little incident as a thing done to me; but it has nothing to do with me. Thank you.

Humlan, just getting back to this topic. Sorry I somehow missed your question. Now I want to say that sure some things that people do and/or say are forgiveable. Then there are those that are NOT, and should never be...

Stepping over the sexual line with a chld by any adult with power is to me something that is UNFORGIVEABLE and there is NO excuse, none, not ever!!! I don't forgive that, I had it happen to me as well when very young. I decided rather than carry the pain, or wallow in a non-existant shame, as I was guilty of nothing, I would erase that person from my life, he is and always has been dead to me. He dare not ever try to play the "I'm so sorry card."

With him or them, whoever these maggots may be, it is a great and victorius feeling to get even as I mentioned earlier. Let them squirm for a change now that you have power too, wondering when or if the hammer will drop and their precious reputations will now, years later, jump up to bite them in the ass. The satisfaction of their fears is sweet... Paybacks can be a b/witch...
Even if there are none, the constant fear they suffer is worth the threat.

I remember also that these perpatrators will one day stand before God, I wouldn't want to be them then trying to make excuses...

Never allow what happened to you, or me, or countless others bring us down to the level of the low life misfits that hurt us. We are BETTER than they are, we are STRONGER than they are, and they aren't worth a second thought and certainly NEVER forgiveness.

That is my thinking and what keeps me strong, humorous and free from the past... living in the past for anyone is just dumb. Enjoy the here and now, laugh, smile, it feels good.

Thank you Chattylady..things have come my way lately..knocking on my door..that have made me believe that we are here to gather happiness/joy..and by doing so, we will help the energy of the world..we add, so to speak, to the positive energy in the universe..and we make a difference. So, I am trying to move on..and enjoy life..as I was meant to do..as we are all meant to do or so I think.. maybe we just might turn the world around?..

So I get your message..loud and clear!

Thank you, Chattylady for returning to my post!

I'm very sorry about the intense abuse suffered by so many of you. A comparatively small incident happened to me, kind of similar to what happened to Edelweiss, but I was about 5 and was learning to ride a two wheeler. I used to wear dresses all the time. I'd fallen off the bike when trying to turn around at the corner. A man -- I later learned he was maybe about 18 -- ran over to me and exposed himself and told me to suck it. Of course I said no. He said it again. At that time there was a funny smell in the air -- I later understood it was air pollution from steel plants farther south in Chicago. In my young mind I thought it was coming from his "thing" and thought it was fake and that it was full of poison and he was trying to trick me so he'd poison me. Isn't that wild? He stuck his hand down my pants and asked if it hurt. It did, but I said no. He again made his request and I kept refusing, so he ran off.

I went home and told my mother about it. And here's the thing == for years I thought she hadn't believed me. So this always haunted me and I'm sure the incident has a lot to do with the person I am and the choices I've made. But she said that she'd asked me if I was scared and I told her no because I'd seen my brothers' before. She said she tried not to freak me out, so she acted very nonchalant. I attended a high school reunion and ran into an old friend. We got to talking about the neighborhood and found that she'd been approached by the same guy. But her father found out about it and called the cops and the guy went to jail. My mom later confirmed it too. She'd known at the time that my friend had also shared that experience. So...Edelweiss, see, I told my mom, but I'm not sure if in the end it made things better or worse for me. I used to tell this story at slumber parties sometimes because I was trying to process it all. Oh, and after that, I always wore shorts under my dress.

EW, I truly think your guardian angel alerted your mom to call. No matter, I'm glad the situation was near null... I know there is some trauma involved, though, regardless of you not soliciting his attention.