No one saw me in Vegas or heard from me because I have suffered a terrible loss.

I did not have any warning and it is devastating for me. I am going through the process of grief but I'll tell you that this one is so hard it is tempting to try to go into denial.

I know that denial is part of grief but I did not have a chance to you into it too far before it was right in my face reminding me every day.

I can't share the exact reason for my grief because, if it makes any sense, it is mine right now and I must keep it for me. I need to keep it close and hold it for myself right now because sharing the pain would make it too big and too real to deal with.

I am dealing with it with my husband and loved ones but to go public with it would be too hard at this time.

I have re-entered the public life I've lived and I am taking it slow. My audience is not large because I am limiting the size of the show I will do. I am limiting what my agent can do in the way of what shows she can book me to choreograph at this time as well.

This is because of my grief. I feel I must go slow as I venture out after being sick but more because of the loss I have suffered.

I'm not good at this. I lost the person I loved the most at the age of 23 and have not lost again until now. THAT grief, the one at 23 devastated me so deeply that I did not grieve until three years went by. I only tried to survive the loss, again, of the person I loved most in the world.

And so that is why I may sound strange or be gone here and there although I feel I can come back here so I did.

Thank you to my friends here who have been here all the time that I've been a member. I'll not forget you.

You will see me though, maybe in the press in a bit. Give it about six months to a year and maybe it will be out there again.

I'll stay though, because some of the women here are so very special.

Dancer9

Thinking of you.

Mountain ash

Makes sense to me dancer.
I am also working some issues out..in my own wee way.The ladies here will all be behind us both and understand we are all coping with many things.
Keep strong.

Dancer, I'm sorry to hear about your agony of loss. It's a rough journey getting through...it took me a year just to get to the point of being able to talk about my brother without breaking down.

Hubby and I were talking about grief yesterday, and how between the two of us, we've had far too much to deal with. In less than 10 years, I've lost both parents, my favourite brother-and-best-friend, 5 aunts that I was very close to and 2 good friends to death, as well as another brother and his family to a situation beyond our ability to fix right now. Hubby's lost 2 brothers and 2 sisters and a cousin he grew up with. It's no wonder we're exhausted from the constant struggle to keep our heads above these dark waters!

I understand the need to hibernate and heal...I've been in perpetual grief for 8 years now...just as I'm healing from one loss, someone else dies and the journey starts all over again - and it does NOT get any easier with each new loss, in fact it gets harder, because the people who are dying are the ones we used to rely on for comfort and support. So our family and our support network are shrinking fast.

There's no way out other than to go through...and each person journeys at her own pace and has to find her own way to pull herself through. I totally withdrew from the world - to the point that I couldn't even step out my front door anymore; the women here at BWS brought me back to my life and helped me find my way through that front door again...I hope we can all be here to help you through in whatever way you need us to. My experience here is that each person brings her own special wisdom and unique light at the time that we most need to hear and receive the gift of that person.

Keeping you in heart and prayer.

((((Dancer))))
Whatever your pain, we are here for you.

Dancer, how terribly sad you sound. Hopefully you can seek comfort soon. Sharing grief is really sharing grief.

I'm confused at your message, which is so encrypted.
I feel it is unfair to have us worry and wonder about your grief... this may come across as insensitive (which I'm not), but postings such as this seem insensitive, too.

Thank you, Eagle Heart. You seem so very brave to me now. Going through is what I must do, yes.
Again: Thank you, you are an example, certainly, of how to deal.

Thank you to all of you who answered this, no matter how crypic, and yes, I think all of us deal in their own way.

To apoligize for how I grieve is, of course, not going to happen and I did not put this here for others to help me through a journey although there are sweet, sweet women here who would do that for me.

I needed to put it where it would be seen, in public, I needed to say, in essence, "I hurt," and that is all.

Again, it is heartwarming that you who have answered me are so sweet as to understand me and my feelings and not asked me for details. I should have known you would be so classy and show such wonderful decorum.

I know that my process will not prevent me from participating on the forum or stop me from helping anyone I can with thier requests. I am a whole being at this point as at all others.

You are so sophisticated, all of you who are my friends and I am blessed.

Thank you.

Dancer
Dancer

Dancer, I am terribly sorry for your loss. Let this be a place to reveal your grief and healing at your own pace. I will keep you in my prayers.

Annalisa, so sorry about your loss. You know that we will always be strong for you! (((((Hugs)))))

Cindy