Irritated with my son and DIL - BoomerWomenSpeak.com

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#146256 - 05/27/08 10:39 PM Re: Irritated with my son and DIL
Sandpiper Member Registered: 06/19/05 Posts: 1158 Loc: Kissimmee, Florida	I think we do bend over backwards to keep relationships with our children. After my son being married for almost 12 years I firmly believe that old saying, 'a son is your son till he takes a wife but a daughter is your daughter for all of her life.' It seems like once the boys become married, they almost always spend most of their time with their wifes family and tend to stop by or call only when they need something. Most of my friends feel the same way about their children. I think we also try to do as much as we can to make sure we get to see our children after they are married. Maybe it's just that way with me and mine. Just my thoughts. _________________________ Sandpiper "Kaleidoscope Memories: Childhood Stories That Celebrate Family Life" - 2008 http://kaleidoscopememoriesbook.blogspot.com www.tidedancer.com
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#146257 - 06/01/08 08:28 PM Re: Irritated with my son and DIL [Re: Sandpiper]
orchid Registered: 01/21/07 Posts: 3675 Loc: British Columbia, Canada	Quote: It seems like once the boys become married, they almost always spend most of their time with their wifes family and tend to stop by or call only when they need something. Most of my friends feel the same way about their children. I think we also try to do as much as we can to make sure we get to see our children after they are married. Maybe it's just that way with me and mine. Just my thoughts. I'm sure Edelweiss who has 2 married adult sons, has a different experience. I've been impressed by the level of communication she continues to have with her sons and sons' willingness to invite their mother into their lives often. I am not convinced that daughters naturally turn to their mothers. It depends on the mother's personality and also if the daughter(s) would like to raise their children in a different style compared to grandmother's parenting style. My partner's mother, has always wanted boys. She wasn't as interested in having a daughter which for me, coming from a family tree dominated by many daughters ..I find intriguing...and for a long time,puzzling. I can only attribute this to wanting to avoid the growing daughter angst vs. mother's expectations..whatever. Both her 2 sons (which means my partner) have been attentive to their mother at every stage of her life. I see excellent comunication she has with her sons. My partner did put a gentle stop to any (whiny) dependence that his mother slipped into (when she was healthier), because he KNOWS she is strong woman who did take action on her own. Now of course, she is in a nursing home and is frail. So he visits regularily. Both men have 2 grown children each. The 4 grandchildren highly respect and treat their Oma (grandmother) well. They ask about her, visit her, etc.
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#146258 - 06/02/08 02:41 AM Re: Irritated with my son and DIL [Re: orchid]
Edelweiss Member Registered: 06/05/06 Posts: 4136 Loc: American living in Europe	Orchid, it’s sweet that you have that impression. And it’s true, I do have good mother –son relationships. But still, I have to agree with Sandpiper. The relationships that a mother and daughter have are more intense or frequent. If a DIL has a choice where does she want to go; to her mom or to her MIL? She will usually pick her Mom,…and her Hubby will tag after her. I’m grateful that I have the contact I have with my sons, but can’t fool myself into believing I’m number one. It’s not necessary either. In the long run, by letting go; they come more often, and then it’s quality time.
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#146259 - 06/02/08 06:23 AM Re: Irritated with my son and DIL [Re: Edelweiss]
Dotsie Founder Registered: 07/09/08 Posts: 23647 Loc: Maryland	EW, you certainly set a good example for all of us who still have all of this to look forward to. _________________________ Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women. www.nabbw.com www.boomerwomenspeak.com
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