sounds like your mom is afraid, too... mostly of the uncertainty... the inability to fix things.
we sometimes say the darndest things when in situations like yours. we should not be held accountable, because often times it is our way of releasing the anguish and anxiety we are experiencing.
pretend you are your mom, and ask yourself what it is that your daughter could do for you that would be most comforting.
this is how I started creating a relationship with my mom. i pretended to be her to get a grasp on where she was coming from. having learned more about her life over the past four years made it much easier.
i never was a part of our family, but now, of the eight children, she is constantly asking for me. it is amazing... it took me reversing roles and breaking through a whole lot of heart felt hurt - garbage from my family life - to open a door for an honest friendship.

note - my shift keys all of a sudden quit working, so capitalizing is out... as soon as my dh returns, i will have a new keyboard and i will use caps again - sorry