It sounds to me like you DO know how to help and comfort. I believe you are doing those very things.

Is it possible for you to just show up and ask for a list, or tell her she can go because you are there and can help?

Also, my mom had CHF and I never recall it disrupting her memory unless she was low on oxygen. Is it possible he is a little disoriented because he needs oxygen? Just wondering if they could do a little test on that. The two things don't seem to go together. Have you mentioned the disorientation to his doctor, or have they?
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