It has been several years now since I lost my dad and a decade since Michael and I lost his brother and I learned something important about dealing with grief. Do not commemorate the date of death....choose to celebrate the joy filled days...like birthdays and anniversaries and holidays that were special to our loved ones. I also learned that it seems to take a minimum of 2 years before you feel like you can breath again. About 2 years after dad died I woke up one morning to discover that the lead weight that had been dangling from my heart was gone. Now, as tough dates approach, I try to remember the way dad would celebrate an event, like St. Pat's day, and do something that he would have enjoyed. I also have a Dear Daddy journal, where I often share thoughts and events and updates about the kids. It isn't as good as the real thing....but it helps. God bless you with grace and mercy and his loving comfort....I know it feels awful now, but I promise, it does get better.