Bless my soul ,Dotsie ,don't think yourself selfish.It's good we let our kids know that talking about something is soooo much better than leaving it inside.Sometimes I would bug my son to tell me certain things,but then I learned his pattern.He will talk after he has time to process things by himself,been like that since he was little.I use to teach PET-Parent Effectiveness Training.Active listening-expressing how you feel-specifically without putting blame or responsibility on the other.A win-win situation.I had conceived a child with an Irish and Italian temperment-I had to do something to save him!!!!Active listening taught me a lot and I truly believe became a major part of my son's personality.The technique still shows up when the 2 of us NEED to talk about something.Point is he eventually does talk-I keep letting him know that "I trust he will tell me when he is ready".That wording leaves the door open and he has usually walked through.
The PET is also very useful when the need to mediate with my middle schoolers have "incidents".
I'm not saying I always employ this method. I'm an emotional person,so initially I'll usually react from that perspective.Having the active listening skill allows me to kick in to an alternative when I am blessed with the presence of mind to use it.