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#144569 - 03/14/08 09:28 PM
Re: Latest Sad Scoop
[Re: Louisa]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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Do you have arbitrators in Germany? In the states, they are not lawyers, but serve in a law capacity, so to speak. They sit in on families (and other relationships, such as in business, to be the mediator when problems seem unsolvable. These guys need to sit down and talk this through, with a mediator who knows family law. Also, a child advocate should sit in on the meetings. They could make these two knuckleheads realize what they might be doing to their own flesh and blood.
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#144570 - 03/14/08 09:33 PM
Re: Latest Sad Scoop
[Re: Edelweiss]
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Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 1341
Loc: Sweden
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Hannelore..my gosh..my heart bleeds for you and your son´s family!.. Hannelore..wait..give them time..see what they work out..your son and his wife..give yourself TIME to think things thru..see what is happening and where everything is heading.Every relationship has so many facets about it..noone can totally understand another´s relationship..I am sure you see and feel ALOT..but there is probably much that is going on below the surface that perhaps you can´t perceive or feel..do you know what I mean??? So give them TIME..give yourself..well, whatever it is you need, sweetheart! This is only advice..from one grandma to another..and thoughts.. Hannelore, I was 42 when I had my last child..my 18 yr old son who is living with me. I don´t think that I could face rearing another child at this phase of my life..at 60yrs of age. AND I don´t think it would be fair to the child either. I mean..I would be 80 when the child is 20!!! If I live that long..and IF I am still in control of my brain (such as it is) and IF, IF...It´s tough keeping up with my son and I am only 60!!! I love it..yes I do..and he isn´t complaining of my age or anything. BUT 80/20 ratio..??? Think about it..seriously...gently...Do you have anymore adult children? My kids have made arrangements to leave their kids to their brothers primarily..if anything should happen..not to me or granddad (he is 67!). And so it should be..or so I feel, Hannelore..and I certainly don´t have to be right Annalya will be a teenager, sweetheart..how will you cope with that at 70+..and how will she cope with YOU??? Have alittle faith in your son..and his care for his family..WHICH I KNOW YOU DO..and perhaps some faith in life..maybe things will turn out for the best? Even if perhaps you don´t SEE it as the best at the time? Hannelore..I really feel for you..and these are just some thoughts and perhaps some questions that might help you think??? I hope you all find your way..which you will..I am sure..Annalya has some wonderful grandparents to stand by her!!!
_________________________
"some sacred place.."
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#144571 - 03/15/08 12:27 AM
Re: Latest Sad Scoop
[Re: humlan]
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Member
Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
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Hannelore...first, let me say how sorry I am to hear your family is going through all this. Sounds like mommie dearest doesn't want to be a mom nor a wife. How is your son at being a full-time father? Can your DIL take her daughter and fly to the states and stay without your son's approval? Is there a possiblity that could happen? If they do divorce, I hope your son will take his daughter and raise her as best he can with you and your husband's help. The way your DIL is behaving...she'll regret it one day when she realizes she's thrown away the most precious moments of her life with her child. She can never get that back. I hope your son realizes that the most important thing in his life is his child and will do everything to protect her and make a life for her regardless of how things turn out between him and your DIL. God bless and you all are in my prayers.
_________________________
Dee "They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards
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#144572 - 03/15/08 04:43 AM
Re: Latest Sad Scoop
[Re: Dee]
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Member
Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
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Goodmorning my friends. Well, it’s morning here. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for just being there and sharing your thoughts and concerns with me.
Just to answer a few questions: Yes, my son would want custody, and yes the only way he would get it is if Hubby and I take Anaiya during the week. We would probably have to sell out house, and move near our son in Muenich. An ideal situation would be a two family house, but the prices in Muenich are equivalent to NY prices. We would never be able to afford that. Another thing; Anaiya may resent us later in life for taking her away from her mommy. I couldn’t live with that. Gims, I’ve heard of arbitrators in the US. I love the idea of the child having a representative. Humlun, those are exactly my thoughts. We are too old for this. And those teenage years cost a lot of strength and stamina. I don’t think we could or should take on such a responsibility. But if worse comes to worse, we feel we should help our son. I can’t imagine him being single for the rest of his life. Someday he would probably remarry and create a patchwork family. Dee, legally my DIL isn’t allowed to take Anaiya back to Florida, where my DIL’s family lives. But if she wanted to, then she is able to. And the only way a husband can get his child is by hiring a private detective. Oh brother. I don’t really want to paint the walls black…and I’m hanging on to every little sign that they might get together again.
This afternoon we will all visit my other son, DIL and baby. From the outside we all look like a story book family. (sad little chuckle here). Still, my son and his wife are going through the motions of being an intact family. I can’t help but think if they are capable of doing that, maybe their love will rekindle. Right now, Danny, my son is baking vegetable lasagnes to bring to his SIL for her to put in the freezer. My DIL is dressing Anaiya and wants to take her shopping with her…and Hubby and I will take off to play a round of golf.
At least no fighting or nasty silences are happening. Maybe maybe there is hope. Thank you my dear friends for all your positive thoughts and prayers. I have a feeling they are truly helping.
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#144574 - 03/15/08 09:55 PM
Re: Latest Sad Scoop
[Re: Anno]
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Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 1341
Loc: Sweden
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My prayers and thoughts continue, Hannelore..and I am asking for love from the universal light..love and peace and understanding!!! it will all work out in the end..for the best..in the best way for all involved. I believe this!! For YOU!!!!
_________________________
"some sacred place.."
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