gims,
I'm sure you're right. Probably the unknown adds to the crying phase as well. And leaving behind the physical world is enough to make a person cry. I guess what got me, is that these people I'm referring to were the preachy type.
They had all the answers, until they themselves faced the end. Then it wasn't so easy. "Do as I say, not as I do," adage comes to mind! MA, Sorry to read about all the heartache. Members here will lift your friend up in prayer. I know they will!
Blessings and prayers...

Spent a while chatting to my friend.She is still in shock,
Thing is..
we all share our heartfelt thoughts on this topic..we all have experienced the fact of death but the reality is the absence of a loved one is forever.and we are big enough to know what that means.Seeing her so scared yet making plans of a sort being puzzled at what the cause was trying to explain how she looked after him since he became disabled are all muddled together.confusion and grief.
My friend has weathered many storms she is an inspiration to many but she is hurting.
I love her.
Mountain ash

Aw MA, this is so sad. Was her mother's death also unexpected? Not that it matters, just wondering. I can't imagine two such losses so close together. I'll be praying for her loneliness and for her to find purpose again. And I'll pray for you to be the support she needs from a dear friend right now. I'm sure you're good at it.

Her Mother was on a routine visit to hospital and had to lay down..as suddenly as that.
Mountain ash

Mountain Ash,
Your friend is on my mind and in my heart constantly these days. My grief is less intense - but oh, it doesn't take much for those jagged edges to claw through the resignation. I cannot imagine losing both a mother and husband within such a short time...my heart aches for your friend, and I will be carrying her in my prayers for a long time to come.

Ditto to what Dotsie. Death is difficult, even when expected. And I don't care how old a person is, it still isn't easy. I think of sayings loved ones used that died in the 60s. The death of my adoptive parents and grandparents left a hole in my heart big enough to drive a semi through.
I'm sorry your friend lost two close to her in a short span of time. Prayers that both of you are given the comfort you need, have been sent heavenward!

I wonder what happens to people who lose several family members at one time; like in a car accident. How on earth does one grieve?
Thinking of your friend MA, and sending a prayer her way.
Hugs to you too,
Hannelore

This is sort of a deep question but you know me! I always seem to step in it. Perhaps someone will answer me.

The person I lost that was close to me so far was my grandfather who did much of the raising of me, so I loved him and idolized him. I mourned him for years.

A year before he died, he told me that he felt he would die within a year and told me that he already felt "one foot on the other side." I was naturally upset, and young, so I was angry that he was thinking the way he was when he said, "I'm ready, I'm ready to see my mother and others." He was ready and when he died at 83, he dropped while jogging and only regained conscienceness (sp.) once, and died within 3 days.

when I saw him on life support, he was "dying," to get off nd die. I could see it and feel it and it hurt me terribly! I wanted them to let him go as he had wanted to do. Luckily he did die after about 24 hours on life support.

My question is this:

Has anyone been near the death of a loved on and have them tell you that they are ready to die and want to go? Has anyone been around a close person to them that told you they wanted to go as my grandfather did even though he was in no pain and had plenty of everything, love, money, intellect, etc???

I always wanted to ask others this...

Thank you,
Dancer9

Dancer, I think that my daughter tried to tell us that she wanted to go and could we please..let her go? That it is was ok for her..and it would be ok for us,too..she knew. Her doctor told us that people near death often are one or two steps ahead of their families..and kind of show the way for their loved ones...My daughter wasn´t feeling too well during the end..so I guess that she knew when it was her time..she died 3 or 4 days later.

I haven´t really known anyone that has been feeling ok..but still felt their life was going to close..and that it was ok. Your grandfather didn´t have to suffer and apparently passed when he wanted to..more or less..what a blessing! But that isn´t really your question, it it?

A very close friend of mine from Africa once told me that I would live to be 85..and that I would be a female witch/crone in my older age ..who knows maybe I will come to the point that your grandfather did..when it feels as tho..it´s all she/he wrote? Interesting thought!

Elizabeth Kiebler Ross has written a few very very good books on death and dying..if that might help your thoughts,too??? She helped me around the death of my daughter very much! She´s not dreary or gloomy..but perhaps you are already familiar with her writing?

If I Had My Life To Live Over
I'd try to make more mistakes next time.

I would relax, I would limber up.

I would be crazier that I've been this trip.

I know very few things I'd take seriously anymore.

I would take more chances, I would take more trips.

I would scale more mountains, I would swim more rivers.

And I would watch more sunsets.

I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans.

I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.
You see... I was one of those people who lived prophylactically and sensibly and sanely, hour after hour and day after day. Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had to do it all over again, I'd have many more of them. In fact, I'd try not to have anything else, just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of my day. I've been one of those people who never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had it to do all over again, I'd travel lighter, much lighter than I have. I would start barefoot earlier in the spring, and stay that way later in the fall. And I would ride more merry-go-rounds, and catch more gold rings, and greet more people, and pick more flowers, and dance more often..... If I had it to do all over again, But you see, I don't.

From the Journal of Humanistic Psychology.
By an 82-year-old man dying and accepting death.