This post has returned and I can add this Dancer.
My Great grandmother was the local "wise woman" she saw to birth...and to death prior to health care in UK.Terefor my own Granmother had a matter of fact approach.Yes she grieved when people died but she LIVED.she was fun.she went on swings with me even down a slide once in her sixties.
She told me old people "know" when death is near.She tried to prepare me..telling me how it was natural to go to the grave.She would hurry her housework get her children ready and go each day...she saw the cemetary from her window..her friends would ask where she was and be told.."she is there beside the two graves.Her Mother and her baby."I am named for this baby.
She said thing "pass but detail must be given to the dear ones" I grew up hearing this and I believe her.
When she died I had a 5 and 2 year old...I was traumatised and was on auto pilot.I kept the last magazine she gave me for 25 years..holding it in private and used her mirror for years.
Yes she was right (for me) to prepare me.she knew me well.
So Dancer for her it was truth that she knew...

Then my own life opened up wider and I felt joy at being her Grandaughter..but as I write this I am deeply sad.
Mountain ash

Mountain Ash,
Thank you so much for writing this.

Dancer

Gims, I've seen this before but it still flows with wisdom.

Mountain Ash, that was so beautifully said, with so much awareness.

My step-father has recently been released from hospital. We all took turns staying with him to help my mother and give her a break -- we did this for 19 days and Mom was there the most. The night I stayed at the hospital (slept in lounge chair) he told me that the reason my mother wanted someone there at all times is b/c when my grandmother passed away, my mother left the room for just a moment and was not there during the passing. My mother is terribly frightened. During nurses rounds the night I stayed with my step-father, he awoke to tell me he had a recurring dream that he was on an island fishing, there were streams, valleys, trees, etc. That there were others he did not know and I was there, yet I was the only one in the family there. When we awoke, he said that was the most restful night he had thus far. I didn't inquire b/c I was afraid it meant we were going to lose him and that perhaps I would die soon, too. Yet, I inquired with another gal and she said the mayhap it may be that he expects me as the oldest to take care of the family. I don't want anything to happen to him, I want him to be healthy and happy.

MustangGal, if you can get the book dots recommended to me. It speaks of recurring dreams that the dying have, along with so much more.

I remember when my maternal grandmother was near her death moment. She was in a place other than the hospital, readying for a family meal of some sort. She was talking to sisters that were long passed and she was making movements as if she were standing in a kitchen, reaching for baking goods and talking to family that wasn't present (for me to see anyway). She was flat on her back in a hospital bed, but I could tell, in her mind, she was some other place - a good place for her - she was a great cook and did it often for everyone she loved... the book made this make sense to me.

Grandfather loved the Scotish Highlands.As a boy he joined walking clubs and knew all the trees and songbirds by name.Me too.I was well taught.
His final shared time just before death was that he was walking up a hill...and he was "nearly there" this menat so much to us..for he was a Highlander..^six foot three tall with clear all seeing blue eyes..
Mountain ash

Gims, I've seen and heard of this happening to many people just before they die. My grandmother had been in a coma for weeks...moments before she died, her nurse said that my grandmother sat up in bed with her eyes wide open in delight and said to someone at the foot of her bed (not the nurse): "You're here! I knew you would come for me. I've waited so long for you." And then she reached out her arms, laughed and then died.

Hubby's sister recently passed away...the day before she died, she told her daughters that John (her husband who had died many years ago) had slept in the bed with her the night before. She even shared the long conversations that they had (very coherent conversations!) and mentioned that a few other people had "visited" her during the night (also all dead for many years). The daughters thought she was hallucinating, but I don't doubt for a moment that John was there with her. I really believe that there's a buffer zone just before we die, where we're still technically alive but not really there at all...and I think that it's entirely possible that our loved ones who have gone before us meet us in that place to help us cross over.

The day that Gary (my brother) died, we didn't know that he was going to go that day, but I was by his side the entire day, and could feel Mom and Dad's presence there like I've never felt them before...it was so strong that something inside of me knew that this was it...they had come to help him cross over. There were five of us at his side when he died, and we all felt that the room was FULL of light and presence...we just knew that Mom and Dad (and others) were there to take Gary home.

gims,
I haven't taken the time to read all these posts. The older I get, the more I appreciate life. I think I DON'T fear being dead, as much as I fear the process of getting there. I've visited many care facilities these past three years and have seen lots of young people suffer. A few of them I've befriended while visiting a friend. One gal is 53 and has had MS 21 years. She's been in the home I visit for the past 5 years. She's the sweetest human I've ever met. And I see her suffer and many others suffer. And it's the possibility of being a burden, that scares me. If I could die fast, or go in my sleep, that would be wonderful. I believe our bodies transform into spirit. And we live eternally in that spiritual, being form. I'm looking forward to that. It's getting from here to there that's makes me apprehensive! Since I've experienced what I recently have, I have a much more tender place in my heart for the aged. That I know!

I haven't read all the posts too but I know many people in their 80's that are amazingly active! My own grandfather died while jogging at 83! He was jogging!
I know an elderly dancer that still teaches ballet and is quite respected as was Martha Graham when she was older.

I work with two people in their 80's who work transport at the hospital and that includes pushing patients in their wheelchairs no matter how big that patient is and they also push gurneys and do it without a complaint!

I have been exposed to elderly people whose quality of life is great and who are really relative now, still, to everyone!

In fact, tonight I will be having dinner with a woman in her 80's who works at the hospital and who is full of amazing stories that I could never hear anywhere else!

I hope I am the way they are when I am elderly and I work to be that way then. I take good care of myself and watch my body closely so that it can hold up for me and take me to a place when I am elderly that is good.

Yes, we cannot help if we have a disease like MS, which my sister in law has but she is working on her quality of life as well with her treatments!

Death does not have to be ugly in my experience. I keep hoping for the best for those I love and myself!

Dancer, weighing in.