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#141730 - 02/12/08 09:23 AM
Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking
[Re: Edelweiss]
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Member
Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
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Quote:
Kathy questioned why is it tolerated that the son travels, and not tolerated that the mother fulfils her career? Wow, Kathy, you are truly emancipated. I guess I’m old fashioned. I think the mother belongs with the child, at least the first five years. Got to add, my son earns very well, so money isn’t the reason for Nye to continue her athletic career.
First, let me tell you how glad I am that you feel so much better and that it seems things are working out. Yeah!
When I wrote my comment about the father working, I was afraid it might be taken wrong. I guess I just feel that a child needs at least one consistent person in their lives all the time - it can be a mother, father, grandparent, etc - but someone who can provide that stability. That is you right now - a job you accepted and everyone agreed upon a while back. Obviously you were a wonderful choice, because you care so much about Anaiya and her future and how all of this is affecting her.
I understand the need for the father's income, but why do so many people not seem to understand the need for the mother to follow her dreams? This is her one chance! The messages on this forum consistently talk about pursuing your passion, following your dreams, living life to it's fullest. Do we have to wait until we are boomers to do that?
Overall, I think it is attitude. When a family is split on something like this, it causes stress to all involved and the child feels that stress and remembers the tension of missing her mother. On the other hand, if everyone were excited and supportive of the mother's Olympic dreams and shared that excitement with Anaiya every day so that she would not feel so much tension, it would work out okay. Yes, she will cry when her mama leaves, but she will bounce back and be fine.
What Anaiya is learning right now is very important. She's learning that there are ways to pursue your passions with enough love and support from the family. She's learning that her mother is a person too, not just a mother. She's learning that as women we have choices in our lives. And as long as she is surrounded by love and support, consistently, she will be fine. I truly believe that.
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#141733 - 02/12/08 11:52 AM
Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking
[Re: Edelweiss]
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Member
Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
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Leave it to Beaver, Ozzie and Harriet - the happy families of the 50's. That's how I was raised, and I stayed home with my kids too, and worked out of the house. They are wonderful now (although I'm not out of the woods yet with a 16-yr old) but I do wonder how things would have been different, such as in a situation like yours.
I guess I feel that what's done is done, your DIL is on the way to being a champion, Anaiya has her loving grandma, so hang tough, smile a lot, and give her hugs from all of us on the forum. By the way, give yourself a hug from all of us too - we need them even as adults!!
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#141737 - 02/12/08 01:02 PM
Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking
[Re: dancer9]
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Member
Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
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Hennelore you hit the nail on the head..you said what the women HERE would do. Given that we are Boomers...me..I am '46 Boomer and what I say may be coloured by my era..others are younger..we may see things through different "windows" MA
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#141738 - 02/12/08 01:08 PM
Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking
[Re: Mountain Ash]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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Hey, it might be that Anaiya becomes an athlete someday, and will fully understand then all the effort you three are putting into finding the best care for her now. Maybe you or her father (or both) can take her to watch mom train at times. And, you can keep a scrapbook (digital or hardcopy) of the parents visits for her to view while she's away from her mom and dad. You know, when there's as much love in a family as yours, it works out. Keep the communication lines open. And, give that little angel a big cuddle from and for auntie gims... what a doll!!!!! You are blessed, hannelore, so blessed.
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