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#141730 - 02/12/08 09:23 AM Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking [Re: Edelweiss]
Dancing Dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
Quote:


Kathy questioned why is it tolerated that the son travels, and not tolerated that the mother fulfils her career? Wow, Kathy, you are truly emancipated. I guess I’m old fashioned. I think the mother belongs with the child, at least the first five years. Got to add, my son earns very well, so money isn’t the reason for Nye to continue her athletic career.




First, let me tell you how glad I am that you feel so much better and that it seems things are working out. Yeah!

When I wrote my comment about the father working, I was afraid it might be taken wrong. I guess I just feel that a child needs at least one consistent person in their lives all the time - it can be a mother, father, grandparent, etc - but someone who can provide that stability. That is you right now - a job you accepted and everyone agreed upon a while back. Obviously you were a wonderful choice, because you care so much about Anaiya and her future and how all of this is affecting her.

I understand the need for the father's income, but why do so many people not seem to understand the need for the mother to follow her dreams? This is her one chance! The messages on this forum consistently talk about pursuing your passion, following your dreams, living life to it's fullest. Do we have to wait until we are boomers to do that?

Overall, I think it is attitude. When a family is split on something like this, it causes stress to all involved and the child feels that stress and remembers the tension of missing her mother. On the other hand, if everyone were excited and supportive of the mother's Olympic dreams and shared that excitement with Anaiya every day so that she would not feel so much tension, it would work out okay. Yes, she will cry when her mama leaves, but she will bounce back and be fine.

What Anaiya is learning right now is very important. She's learning that there are ways to pursue your passions with enough love and support from the family. She's learning that her mother is a person too, not just a mother. She's learning that as women we have choices in our lives. And as long as she is surrounded by love and support, consistently, she will be fine. I truly believe that.

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#141731 - 02/12/08 10:17 AM Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking [Re: Dancing Dolphin]
Dancing Dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
As I re-read my post, I also realize that this is the mother's one chance to be with her daughter during this formative time. Oh, what to do?? I think I still stand by my post above, because if the mother isn't allowed this opportunity, then she may not be the best stay-at-home mom, knowing that her chance at the Olympics is gone.

Oh Hannelore, you are so important in that child's life right now. I wish you all the best!!

Kathy

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#141732 - 02/12/08 11:40 AM Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking [Re: Dancing Dolphin]
Edelweiss Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
Kathy, it isn't an easy situation, but if I speak for myself; my child would be more important then anything else in this world. On the other hand, when children get older, like in the teenage years...there could be times when you say, "And I gave up my dreams for THIS?" And really regret that decision big time.

So it is a two way street. I really understand your point of view, and I think half the ladies here would agree with you. That's what I mean by a hung jury. When you ask young parents today, I think 99% would agree with going after your dreams. So you are with the times. I'm still back there with Leave it to Beaver.

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#141733 - 02/12/08 11:52 AM Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking [Re: Edelweiss]
Dancing Dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
Leave it to Beaver, Ozzie and Harriet - the happy families of the 50's. That's how I was raised, and I stayed home with my kids too, and worked out of the house. They are wonderful now (although I'm not out of the woods yet with a 16-yr old) but I do wonder how things would have been different, such as in a situation like yours.

I guess I feel that what's done is done, your DIL is on the way to being a champion, Anaiya has her loving grandma, so hang tough, smile a lot, and give her hugs from all of us on the forum. By the way, give yourself a hug from all of us too - we need them even as adults!!

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#141734 - 02/12/08 12:35 PM Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking [Re: Dancing Dolphin]
dancer9 Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2411
Loc: Arizona
following those suggestions my friend gave seems doable, doesn't it? Maybe even invest in two laptops with cameras so that they can have "face to face," interaction.

No, don't give up your dream, I didn't, just work within it to find a solution that works! I think it can be done!

I sure hope so!

Dancer

p.s. We must remember that the mother is working so hard that she is probably in tears daily from pain. Being a pro athlete and world class calls for super human commitment. We haveto respect her and respect her child. Be careful every step of the way and all can have their best.

I remember rehearsing to tears and the only thing that gave me strength was to talk to my little boys! It's a hard road to travel, and it's one with little down time!

Bless them both and grandmother too!

_________________________
http://www.annalisanews.com/

"Question your privilege"

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#141735 - 02/12/08 12:44 PM Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking [Re: Edelweiss]
dancer9 Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2411
Loc: Arizona
What a beautiful child! You are truly blessed and so is she! Best to all and to this lovly child!

dancer
_________________________
http://www.annalisanews.com/

"Question your privilege"

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#141736 - 02/12/08 12:54 PM Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking [Re: Edelweiss]
dancer9 Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2411
Loc: Arizona
Hannelore,
I'm so pleased my friend Tracy could help you! (Another boomer!) Please just ask if you have any more questions and I will ask her. I talk to her about everyday.

Bless you and your other two generations of gifted women!

dancer
_________________________
http://www.annalisanews.com/

"Question your privilege"

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#141737 - 02/12/08 01:02 PM Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking [Re: dancer9]
Mountain Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
Hennelore
you hit the nail on the head..you said what the women HERE would do.
Given that we are Boomers...me..I am '46 Boomer and what I say may be coloured by my era..others are younger..we may see things through different "windows"
MA

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#141738 - 02/12/08 01:08 PM Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking [Re: Mountain Ash]
gims Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
Hey, it might be that Anaiya becomes an athlete someday, and will fully understand then all the effort you three are putting into finding the best care for her now.
Maybe you or her father (or both) can take her to watch mom train at times.
And, you can keep a scrapbook (digital or hardcopy) of the parents visits for her to view while she's away from her mom and dad.
You know, when there's as much love in a family as yours, it works out. Keep the communication lines open.
And, give that little angel a big cuddle from and for auntie gims... what a doll!!!!! You are blessed, hannelore, so blessed.

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#141739 - 02/12/08 01:10 PM Re: Anaiya’s heart is breaking [Re: Edelweiss]
dancer9 Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2411
Loc: Arizona
Hannelore, My friend had one more suggestion, she said that if Mom sends a letter on a certain day of the week and establishes a routine with it, it will help too. Then the child can get involved in this as well. She said to have plenty of photo's of Mom around too.

You are an awesome grandmoter, if only I had a Mom that was able to be as supportive as you are being! Your DIL owes some of her success to you and I hope she knows how lucky she is! She is very occupied right now, I know, but later, I hope she knows what a gift you are!

dancer
_________________________
http://www.annalisanews.com/

"Question your privilege"

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