Thank you for your response. You make a lot of sense to me...I wish you could talk to my MIL for five minutes. My MIL has a pretty active life...she has a boyfriend (he's cool most of the time but is jealous...yes, jealous...I thought men his age grew out of that behavior...guess I was wrong). For example, the other day I, MIL and HBF (her boyfriend) were going to look at some twin beds I wanted to buy...I was driving. From the moment I picked them up he began talking about MIL's neighbor...they dated a few years back but broke it off and have remained friends. HBF cannot stand that MIL even talks to him. Well, he began heading in the direction of trashing this neighbor and I tried to head it off by asking him not to go there...it's like I was talking to a brick wall...he kept on and while he's running his mouth MIL is commenting on how pretty the fields are...when I asked MBF to refrain from his comments he blew up and said a really inappropriate comment. I told him that if he didn't stop I would turn the car around and take him home (he's gone almost completely blind and can no longer drive). Did he stop? Heck, no. I turned the car around and he was sort of quiet on the way back...like he really didn't expect that I would do that. I dropped them both off at MIL's house...when I saw her later she was chuckling about it. Said HBF got what he deserved...for the rest of the day he was quiet and looked like the air had been let out of her balloon. My point is...why doesn't mom do what I did? She's the same way with Robin...way too passive and non-confrontational. Right is right and wrong is wrong...when HBF was saying hateful things about her neighbor he was insinuating MIL was not being honest with him or that there was something going on...Rubbish! I've heard him do this before but never reacted the way I did until the other day. I've heard he wants to apologize to me...but, it's MIL who he should be apologizing to and I'm going to tell him so.
MIL also has a daughter (normal) who lives down the road from her who visits a lot, we visit a lot, her brother visits a lot and mom comes and goes where she wants. We just don't understand why MIL feels so compelled to IGNORE her daughter's drug use...if Robin tell her she's not using, she believes it. If Robin tells her the sky is falling, she believes it. If Robin tells her the government shorted her money from her check and she needs more to get something legitimate (although we know it's for drugs), she believe it. I don't understand how lonliness can make a Mother ignore such obvious signs of drug abuse...Robin even admitted to her that she's using again yet MIL does nothing...we're just standing around scratching our heads.

Because it's easier for your MIL to live in denial than face the truth. This is what battered women do too. She's elderly and there is nothing you can say or do to change her. She must be getting something out of it or she wouldn't keep doing it. Harsh, I know but she seems to have pulled some abusers into her life like the boyfriend. Something inside of her tells her she can't do better. If I were you, I'd have a very long and hard talk with that boyfriend and tell him he better not ever bring anymore discomfort into MIL's life or he'll have to deal with you and the rest of the family. That's ridiculous.

Like my daughter's sitution, she grew tired of trying to talk the truth to her inlaws and now, she tells them she doesn't want to hear about their daughter anymore because all they've done is make it easier for her to do drugs. It's up to your MIL. There isn't anything you can do about her daughter. It's a choice.

Dee,
After reading your last post, it appears that you might as well give up on your MIL also. Whatever she is getting from the situation must be important to her and unless she is specifically hurting you or someone you love, maybe you should just accept it as a part of her personality and move on.

Loneliness may not be the problem if she has intimacy with a partner and maybe she is simply making the choice to enable her daughter.

People do what they do.

smile

You both are so right...and you can bet the next time I see him I will be having a talk with him. Thanks for your words of truth and support.

Hello Dee,

There are organizations who will monitor the elderly for possible abuse. Not only physical abuse, but just generally being taken advantage of.

There may be an Adult Protective Services Division within your local Department of Human Services. Usually, you can find a hotline to report suspected Elder Abuse.

Recently, a group of elder advocates from a local healthcare facility came to the apartment complex where I live (for elderly and disabled) to offer assistance to those who may be experiencing abuse of some sort. They handed out literature and phone numbers after giving a talk about their mission.

Just keep on visiting your MIL and encourage others in the family to do so. If an outside organization can check on her welfare, that would be great. All this attention to MIL may discourage Robin from her manipulations and fraudulent schemes.

Elder abuse is a seriously growing problem in this country.

Blessings,
BoomBoom

[ August 16, 2005, 03:45 PM: Message edited by: BoomBoom ]

BoomBoom
I'm afraid it's a lost cause. My MIL's other daughter works in the court system and the most they can do is commit Robin for 3 months at a time...Robin has threated to 'get' her sister if she tries to interfere with her...she has made false complaints against her sister to the police and Robin seems to know that she can get away with a lot. I spoke with some group for protection of the elderly and they told me that unless my MIL steps up and tells them she's being abused there's nothing they can do...I wish someone in authority could get in Robin's face and tell her they know what she's pulling and if she doesn't stop she's going to jail. The last I heard Robin's sister told her that if she didn't get herself into a program she was going to petition the courts to have her committed...again. After 3 months she gets out and starts all over again. Now Robin has said she's going to go...but no one monitors her and my MIL believes anything Robin tells her...
Last weekend Robin loaned out her car to a druggie and my MIL went over and got her and went after the car...very dangerous in my view for a 73 year old woman to be doing...her other daughter was with her but still...it's rediculous this is going on. My MIL is going to go through this until Robin wears her down or she ends up in a hospital..or worse.

So commit her for the three months. Its three monts of peace for everyone and do that over and over until she see's the light or they commit her permanently. Seems harsh I know and it is but seems needed in this situation....Nothing does happen unless it moves, I agree...

I'm with you...

Well, that's what I was thinking. In 3 months time maybe MIL will go for therapy her self to determine why she feels the need to be so needed by her abusive daughter. Such a sad dilemma. LLL