For years and years I sat in a church, on the front pew as the senior pastor's wife. I counseled women, led women's groups covering numerous topics and was director of Women's Ministries. I was a Baptist. Unfortunately, I had to believe one thing and ONLY one thing...sex is made for marriage...pure, monogamous. Period. The end. After 23 years of ministry, I was devastated beyond words one day to discover my husband had been having an affair with his secretary. Fast forward two horrible, black years and we had been tossed out of the church, my husband had walked out after a few months to be with "her" and I was sitting in my lawyer's office filing for divorce. I had no idea who I was, what I believed or what I would ever do in my life. Life for me had been completely wrapped around a man and his church. I spun out of control for months afterwards. I admit to being lonely, empty and seeking a warm male body. No, I'm not particularly proud of that era. I still believe that a monogamous life with a husband is the best way to go...for me, at least. But I really didn't care back then. When I met the man who is my husband now I jumped all over him the first night. Yes, he gave me lots of affection that night but refused to do "it." He says now that he saw a sadness in my eyes and he couldn't bring himself to take advantage of me. There were many others who didn't care how I felt. I refuse to take that part of my life as a total regret. Fortunately, it was short-lived because hubby married me. I thank God I've managed to find myself again and take care of who I am but I can't really judge someone else who, for whatever reason, finds themselves like that, even for a time.