I haven´t been able to answer or read for about day or 2 because a little person took over our bedroom this week-end..R.s boy. He´s just left with his dad for the long bus ride up to the North..it takes him, the boy I mean 3-4hrs. Dad (R.) will leave him at the Buss Station in Sth. You see he and his mom live up in the north of Sweden. So to visit his dad, his son (I´ll call him D.), has to travel down to us. It´s a tough situation..very very tough..but both R. and D. accept it as part of life..they are much more easy going and accepting than I am. D. was only about 3 when his parents seperated and he is now 12, as I said before.
D.was born premature at 28 weeks, I think.He weighed just under 1000gm when he has born.. his mother had to get 5 liters of blood. She suffered from pregnancy toxemia. Both of them we just around 20yrs of age when they had this traumatic experience. Very very traumatic experience. But D. survived..came home some months later and so did his mom. But both are marked (according to me) by this experience. My SO, too of course..but he´s not one to talk about things too much..to some extent yes,..but not too too much. There was one time I was worried about D. (his son) because he was having problems at school with both friends and schoolwork..but I went too far in my mullings and chewing over things and probably giving advice when it was not needed or wanted. R. is that way and somehow this can be good for me too. Me being the way I am... But I do feel alittle tears well up as I write this bit. I did´t mean anything bad..but it all backfired. I pushed too far..talked too much. I can do that at times.
But that was maybe 2-3 years ago and now, we are here! I keep my nose out of their business..and it works ok most of the time.
Mountain Ash, I thought alot about what you wrote about his only relationship and the girl. She is probably much much nicer than me..but we a very very different and that is all he knows. And it, of course, depends on what HE wants too..he may want a quieter, less demanding relationship. I have put this question to him anyway..because in my thinking, this is question that is basic to our relationship. Some men/women don´t want a stimulating relationship..they want more peace and quite.. more delegation and division of roles, whatever they may be..not only male and female type of rolls... I want peace and quiet..space, yes..but I need adventure too.
Dotsie, we "sound very comfy together"..yes, yes we are. And I have LOVED this because I have not felt comfy in my home until now. No unspoken vibs about what I am doing, what music I am listening to, that I am having a whiskey..etc etc. Actually, R. loves me for my weaknesses and blemishes, too. He says that´s what makes me human and not super woman. What a wonderful wonderful thing... to be loved and understood when I eat that bag of candy eventho I vowed I wouldn´t..to myself, of course. No lecture or look that tells me how weak I am (which I am
).. We both like relaxing..taking it easy...
Dancer.."yearning is not love"..I gotta think about that one..can´t you yearn for more in your relationship? And that yearning bring you both to a new place??? This is my spontaneous question now.
My dear R. has gone into his "shell" or "cave" if you will. and it´s difficult to reach him..talk to him. I hope that he is thinking..in the past this would be the case. But now there is the World of Warcraft in his life..so I am never
too sure "where" he is. This gaming is probably a symptom of more..as R. has said himself in our past discussions. Part of it is the sex part..the difficulty of having it, now that my son has moved in with us permanently (2 1/2 yrs ago). The irony there is that his father, my ex hubby, is living in our old house with over 200sqm of space!!! But they can´t live together..so says my son. He loves his father..but they can´t live under the same roof.
I have to wait a awhile for my R. to start talking..I know that he will..well, he has to. In the meantime, I will be bursting with all my thoughts and feelings..and probably sort´of leaking steam now and again, I am sorry to admit.. to his defense, we haven´t been able to really talk as his son has been here this week-end..as I mentioned. I have just given him food for thought. Which makes him very tired almost fatigued..I think he hides behind this tiredness to get space to think..or just to get space. But that´s the things isn´t it..? Should I go on, if we can´t
talk?
Grateful for anything you can add or give me..anyone...thank you so much for just reading this..anyone that does...