Mountain...you're a special angel, too. I didn't know. Hug Angels are coming your way, too. Bless you, sweetheart.

Dee, she was 11 yrs old when she died. She died on the 29th of August, 1982. And yes, she wanted so much to have life..to live it. She wanted to have children..and she knew that she never would and this was her greatest sorrow. She had 3 wonderful sibblings..1 sister who was 9 at the time and the other was 6. And a little brother, who was about 2 and a half. She helped raise all of them..because that´s the kind of family we were then...and she was, well..she was Susan. But she did have time to fall in love. There was another patient in the hospital that fell in love with her and adored her.And as her nurse ponted out..at least she felt love before she died. I had another boy in 1989..and, as you say, I felt Susan´s joy over his coming. I think that she sent him to us.

The weird thing is that as I write to you..I feel Susan over my shoulder..so very close. I haven´t felt that for such a long time. Dee, did she send you too?? Weird..wonderful.

Yes, Dee.. I think that I know why you wrote about your "tiny thread"..I felt it when I read it. I wrote a poem..a long long time ago..in my teens..about climbing a rough, rocky mountain with the clouds and haze hiding the way..but somehow I felt and saw the moon shining at the end of my climb..I have to find that poem again..because it´s sort of been the basis of my life since then. Life is precious, isn´t it, Dee? It´s such a gift..and you never know what it´s going to hit you with..freezing cold and darkness or warm smiling sunshine. But one thing you can be sure of..pretty sure of..is that nothing lasts forever. The next bend can show you something that you have never dreamed of..in your worst or best dreams. I mean, for example..look at you..your "space"..composed of the loveliest pinks and all that sparkle..I LOVE sparkle and glitter. When you sat there, by yourself, with that rope around your neck..and all that emptiness around you and beneathe you and within you..could you have seen the "space" that is YOU today?

I love hugs..because when you hug..you automatically get a hug back But angel hugs..now they are something special. Very special.

You are right, Ladyjane..absolutely right and your comment calls for consideration. I probably shouldn´t push on so hard as I usually do at this time..and around August to October. Instead I should face and "see" that my body is trying to tell me something and asking me to remember..and respect both myself and my daughter..and my other children and former husband, too. Hmmm...

God, I can´t believe what I am writing to you both..you have started something very meaningful here..very very meaningful here..if my life were a lake..which I like to think it is..I am diving deeper..to an exciting interesting place. And I am perhaps leaving some ripples on the surface for others, too.

Gosh, I meet and have met so many special people here...like you Humlan, and Dee, and Hannelore, and Chatty...and everyone that posts here have touched me in a big way. It's so amazing that I sit here in Maine typing my thoughts right this minute and you're there in Sweden doing the same thing...and Dee in ALabama and others all over the place...we're all able connect at the same time like this. Oh, I digress, but it just blows me away some times. Our thoughts transcends the earth to each other! Woweeee!

Dear, sweet Humlan...I feel and see your ripples...for every action, there is a reaction. We all have purpose even when we aren't aware of it. Thank you so much for sharing Susan with me, and others here. I feel your loss and I feel your optimism. I'm glad you felt Susan over your shoulder...really, I think she sent you to me...okay...where's the tissues...I'm a mess right now.

LadyJane...isn't it amazing? I can sit here all alone in my kitchen typing this yet knowing it's going to reach out all over the world. Wow! The best part is making friends and sharing our lives. I feel so connected with you...you're like my family.

Humlan
three students of mine were terminally ill and believe me when I say I cared.I monitored their school day and intervened as things got tiring.I watched these young girls and one boy(all age 17) and helped where I could with the parents loss.Two were responsive and one cannot even speak when she sees me out in town.people cope in different ways and rest assured what you feel is painful but cathartic.
The group around my students grieved..it was a part of my career that could not be learned though books although Elisabeth Kulber Ross does write well about it.For me it was a dedication to humanity to manage to do a school day and let my students have time at school.
I care you are hurting as do others.I wont name everyone because even those who dont post will care. You being brace will have set off processing in many directions.
MA

Me too, Dee. Listening to John Lennon too! But no sad tears now, hon´!!! This is a happy day..I found you out there in cyber space!!! He´s singing "Stand By Me".. I ask you..can there be any better message for us from the other side???

I want to bring you JOY, Dee! No more heavy tears..only lovely pinks and sparkle!!! You got that, lady??? And all my love to your wonderful family!!! We´ll be in touch here!

Dee
we have nor "met" but I too went to voices and saw your pictures.I was promted to by seeing your home and lovely dog..
You and your husband make a striking couple.
Seeing your home is a priviledge and I am delighted to have seen it.yes we are all sitting at our computers connecting and its such a gift.
MA